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I'm nuts 'cos I miss my babies but I can't deny that I'm enjoying the vacations from worrying sick over them :B I guess I'll just put some Indian Wells and some Montecarlo and some Wimbledon in the player and enjoy the matches without having to angst over the win/lose situation. I have some that I recorded/bought/dloaded and haven't even watched
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But you know what's weird, I wasn't so much hurt as bullied, for years, so then I'd start the fights before them. And that was the defense mechanism, and the keeping myself untouchable, unreachable and emotionally distant from everyone by going on the aggressive, even violent path, always expecting to be attacked. But I grew, became stronger, saw that not all people was going to attack me and understood the reasons why people would mock and beat a weaker or weirder kid, and understood the "adapt and conquer" ways, so I think I just grew out of the growling and bristling as a defense mechanism, in a way, and recently at that, so now this wanting to kick people's heads I'm entirely comfortable with, I'm not hiding behind it as becoming it, because people annoy me, they don't hurt me at all, they're just idiots and I'm tired of speaking and not being understood, people who are assholes will get things better if you're an asshole right back at them and if they don't get it then at least they got their attitude bounced back at them to bite them in the ass. But I do need to draw or write anyway, heh, I must keep the asshole on a leash by venting out the crazy, it wouldn't do me any good having a criminal record for, like, assault XD That about the aggressive part. Now, the loner part, yeah, that is my fragile self terrified of being hurt. But that self doesn't bristle, that's the one who wants to cry its head off at every little shitty thing in the world. So I guess that one doesn't have much cure.
*rains hugs on you*
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