The Beautiful Downfall - An Aiba Masaki Fanfic (Chapter 14/?) *Shion POV
Pairing: Aiba Masaki x Kusunoki Shion (OC)
Rating: R for whole series, R for Ch.13
Genre: Romance, Mystery Drama
Plot: Aiba Masaki (29) is the CEO of Yamakaze Hotels, Japan's top hotel chain. What began as a search for a secretary turns into a life-changing matter when he meets candidate Kusunoki Shion (26). As Shion challenges Aiba to question the only world he's ever known, she keeps to herself a dark secret that must remain undisclosed.
Author's Notes: Thanks for stopping by to read my fanfic! :D I have two ongoing series: this one, and Eyes Like Honey (Sakurai Sho fanfic). I beganThe Beautiful Downfall with a clear concept: I wanted to write a dark, DoS Masaki. ;) From there, I jotted down a rough storyline which became The Beautiful Downfall. Each chapter is relatively and deliberately short so they are quicker reads than my other fanfics. Although I'm not sure how many chapters will be in this series, I hope you'll stick around to the end! ❤
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Chapter 14: A Field of Dreams
“...A boat?”
As we reached the end of the dock, Aiba-san nodded before turning around to face me.
“Well, technically, it’s my boat.”
“This...is yours?”
He pulled out a set of keys from his jacket pocket and jingled them playfully.
“Wait, who’s going to maneuver it?”
He chuckled as he climbed onto his boat. “Are you capable?”
“You’re not serious...”
“Well, then. That only leaves one of us.”
“You’re-”
“Licensed?” He nodded. “Come on. Watch your step.”
Although I wasn’t all that surprised to find that he owned a boat, I was rather shocked to hear he could drive one. As I boarded, I felt the weight shifting gently beneath my feet, the calm swaying of the water comforting me. It was as if I had stepped into a world unknown, a secret space, a hideaway.
He placed the keys into the ignition and the motor revved underwater.
“I want to show you something.” His eyes glimmered playfully.
-
“Come on, sweetheart. You should know what happens at these dinners.” Umeda-san placed his sweaty left hand on my knees and slid it up under my skirt to grope my thighs. I noticed he was wearing a wedding ring. I felt a cold chill running up my spine and instantly felt violated and dirty.
“Now, now, Umeda-sama. We’re talking business.” I tried to move his hand away but his slithery fingers crept up my back instead, pulling me in closer. He reeked of alcohol and cologne.
“Sweetie, this is business. You didn’t think Aiba-san brought you here to take notes now, did you?”
I’m not an idiot. I know what happens at these kinds of “meetings.” But... did Aiba-san bring me here for that purpose? Is that why he seems pretty keen with Umeda-san’s secretary? Was I just bait?
“See?” Umeda-san pointed across the table with his chin. “Your boss seems to be enjoying himself.”
It was the first time I had seen Aiba-san like this. He was leaning in toward Umeda-san’s secretary and placing his hand on her thigh, just like Umeda-san was doing to me. I couldn’t explain this feeling. Disappointment? About what? That Aiba-san was just like Umeda-san? That he used me to secure a generous offer? No...Aiba-san wouldn’t do that. He’s a decent human being, and more importantly, a remarkable boss. Then, was it jealousy I felt? But why? No, I don’t have any reason to be... Right? Or did I subconsciously dislike what was happening before me? Was there a part of me that wished I were the object of Aiba-san’s affection instead?
Umeda-san forcefully pressed a sake cup to my mouth. In an attempt at sending a message of disgust, I glued my lips together and denied his efforts to loosen me up. The sake trickled down my neck and onto my collarbones. That’s when the look in his eyes changed. He buried his face in my neck and breathed heavily into my ear.
“You wouldn’t want to throw your boss under the bus now, would you?” His slimy fingers traced my wet collarbone. “Do as I say, or I’m calling this whole thing off.”
I clenched my jaw and froze in place. That, I couldn’t do. That, I must prevent at all costs. My pride as the secretary of Yamakaze Hotels’ CEO wouldn’t allow it. I slowly closed my eyes and gave up control, wondering what kind of hellish night awaited me. I knew that if I had kept them open, I’d find myself seeking Aiba-san, desperately pleading for help. And yet, the voice inside begged to be heard.
Someone, please help.
Please.
Aiba-san.
Aiba-san...
“O-Ow...! What the hell is your problem?!”
Hm...? What just happened?
There was no more heavy breathing down my neck. The grip from which I was unable to escape suddenly let me loose. I opened my eyes and immediately realized what had happened.
Umeda-san’s hair was drenched in hot sake, his button-down shirt soaking. There was only one person in this room who could get away with such disrespectful behavior.
“You took the words right out of my mouth. Just what were you doing with my secretary?”
Aiba-san.
Overwhelmed not only by what I thought would happen tonight but also what actually did, I hid behind Aiba-san. I felt safe there. I felt protected. I felt I mattered. It was as if he had heard my silent cry for help.
Before being escorted out of the room, I had just enough time to look back. Umeda-san’s secretary was looking up at me, a tear falling down her cheek. I feared for her; the look in her eyes was no stranger to me. She was screaming for help, a way out. I wondered if she could sense the same in me. I wondered if Aiba-san noticed, too.
-
We sailed on for a good fifteen minutes before Aiba-san turned off the motor. Without its humming, the night seemed eerily quiet. The gentle waves splashed the sides of the boat.
“See that space over there by that old-fashioned home?” Aiba-san pointed to an empty area sectioned off by a fence.
“Yes, sir.”
“That’s mine.”
“Oh, are you building another hotel there?”
“Nah, that’s too boring.”
It surprised me that he’d use such a negative adjective to describe his blood, sweat, and tears. “A branch office, then?”
“It’s going to be a baseball field for kids,” he said proudly as he gazed fondly at it.
Hm. I never noticed how his dimples crease vertically, or how his eyes crinkle at the edges when he smiles from the heart. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t ever seen him smile with such vivacity.
“I grew up playing baseball. It was my sanctuary, a place I could go to forget everything.”
“...Is that why you bought this boat, too?” Ironically for someone working in hospitality, I could sense that he preferred to be alone.
“On dry land, someone is bound to find you. Out at sea, I can get away from business. Here, I’m just a regular guy.”
A breeze flirted with his hair and he combed his bangs back with his fingers. The moonlight cast shadows on parts of his face, adding to his mysterious allure.
“Hm? Is there something on my face?” He inquired and looked my way.
“Uh, no. I’m sorry, I was just thinking about something.”
“The ocean will do that to you.” He returned his gaze toward the soon-to-be baseball field. “That’s how I got the idea in the first place. Hotels are what I do, what people know me for. But, that’s not how I want to be remembered.”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“Men, we all want to leave a legacy, a name in history. When I die, the headlines will read, ‘The CEO of Yamakaze Hotels Dies at Age 87.’ But, the people who attend my funeral? I want them to say, ‘He was a man of his word. He was loyal to the people who were important to him.’ I don’t want to end up like my father.”
The smile faded from his face as his eyes ignited with passion.
“Sir...”
That was the moment.
“I want kids to feel like they belong. That house next to the field is an orphanage.”
“Sir...?” I called to him again.
He kept his gaze on the empty lot but answered. “Yeah?”
“Please promise me. No matter what happens, you will see this project through... even if I’m not there to see it to completion.”
“What, are you thinking about quitting before it’s finished?” He chuckled as he looked my way.
“No... it’s just a figure of speech-”
“Because you’re going to have to convince me to fire you first. If you can’t persuade me, you can’t quit.” He smiled and looked up at the sky. His eyes captured the countless stars and I couldn’t look away.
That was the moment I decided.
“I’m honored to be your secretary, Aiba-san.”
I would sacrifice my life for this man.
“Kusunoki.”
“Yes, sir?”
I wasn’t used to the look in his eyes. It enveloped me with a kind of warmth I’d never felt before. In this moment, it felt as though our relationship was not that of a boss and his subordinate, but something more personal and intimate.
“Thanks for coming along on my detour.”
“The pleasure has been mine, sir,” I bowed my head to thank him.
“You’re one of four people who know about the field. Do you know what that means?” He placed a hand in his pockets.
“That it’s confidential information I must handle with utmost care?”
He chuckled and took his free hand to scratch behind his neck. “Business as usual.”
“That’s what I do best, sir,” I replied, slightly confused.
“The other three who know are Nino, Mochida, and Matsumoto. Does that clarify anything for you?”
As his gentle voice hit my ears, I realized what he was implying. As the CEO of the greatest hotel empire in Japan, Aiba-san was slow to trust. I didn’t blame him; he was used to people trying to take advantage of him, win his favor, and use his clout for their own benefit. How lonely he must feel at times, carrying the weight of Yamakaze Hotels on his shoulders, alone. Many know of him, but hardly anyone cares enough to truly understand him. Kazu-kun, Mochida-san, and Matsumoto-san are the exceptions. Had he given me the privilege of being in that intimate circle? Without saying it outright, he had given me one of the best compliments I could ever receive as a secretary and as a person: he trusted me.
He nodded, undoubtedly figuring out that I had decoded his message. “Wouldn’t expect anything less from a smart woman like you.”
Suddenly, the guilt I’d been battling within was too much for me to bear. I closed my eyes to fight back the tears and looked down at the ground.
“Sir, I really don’t deserve this privilege…”
“Luckily for you, I think you do. I want to share this dream with you. Besides, wouldn’t you want to be a part of my legacy?” He chuckled smugly.
Aiba-san. If only you knew how painful it is for me to hear those words. I don’t deserve your kindness, your trust, your loyalty, and certainly not your dreams. And yet, his beautiful soul made my heart swell with fondness like never before. My day of reckoning would eventually come. Still, I never thought it would be so easy for me to do the right thing. Though my fate was sealed, I vowed to myself that I would do anything to make sure Aiba-san’s was safe from harm.
“It is my sincerest honor to be have played a part in your legacy.”
His next movements played out in slow-motion. A masculine hand reached for the top of my head and gently rested there. The warmth emanating from his palm seemed to melt away the tension in my body. My shoulders relaxed as I let out a sigh. There was a complexity to his poignant gaze-a mixture of disappointment and acceptance-but to what, I didn’t know.
“Business as usual,” he smiled defeatedly.
A soft breeze passed between us. The smell of the ocean filled my nose as the boat rocked ever so slightly. There was something enchanting about this space. Even as the city lights twinkled in the distance, it was as though we were the only two people in the world.
“I didn’t bring you here because you’re my secretary,” he sighed without moving his hand away.
Events from earlier tonight played back in my head: how disgusted I felt being assaulted by a married man with no morals, how I couldn’t put a finger on why I was so affected by Aiba-san’s physical closeness with Ashikawa-san, how protected and worthy I felt when he rescued me. Was it duty that made him take action? Or dare I hope that it was something more? My heart beat restlessly as my mind tried to deny it all. Though I prided myself in being an intelligent woman, I found myself no longer being able to judge his past secretaries. He was wrong about them. They may have been stupid, but they weren’t after his money, fame, title, or lifestyle. They were truly captivated by him--Aiba Masaki, the man.
As I tried to understand what he was saying between the lines, another gentle breeze floated by, picking up the loose strands of hair around my face. Before I could tuck them behind my ears, the hand resting on my head made its way down the side of my face. For a confident man, his touch was timid, as if he were handling something fragile. After his fingers scooped up my hair and secured it behind both ears, they remained by my face, first tracing my jawline, then thumb caressing the edge of my lips before slowly returning back to his side. Where he had touched was now tingling as my eyes gazed longingly at his hand.
“Tell me, how would a smart woman interpret this situation?” His voice, just like his touch, was also reserved.
Was this a trick question? Any woman-smart or otherwise-would agree on one answer: in favor of her feelings. Indeed, it was a rhetorical question. All it did was reveal what I’ve already been purposefully ignoring. If a woman had no feelings for a man, the gesture would have been appalling and the circumstances, uncomfortable. Umeda-san’s touch repulsed me, Kinoshita’s touch terrified me. But this one… oh, how I wished for his sweet caress again. The sensation still lingered on my face, his fingers tenderly gliding across my skin. My answer proved what I had feared: that I yearned to love and be loved again. But, of all the things I did not deserve, the love of this man I deserved least.
And so, with his best interest in mind, I silenced the longing within. “Only fools fall in love, sir.”
He closed his eyes briefly and let out a defeated chuckle. “You’re right.”
As he placed both his hands in his pockets and gazed up at the twinkling sky, I saw disappointment in his expression. It broke my heart but I knew this was the right decision. This way, he can look back on this one day and brush it off as a misunderstanding, a moment of weakness. I would fade from his memory like the rest of his other secretaries and his life would go on. “Just don’t let history repeat itself.” Kazu-kun’s words hung like dead weight on my shoulders. Not again. I couldn’t stand to hurt another man I cared so deeply about.
“But…” I said, almost a whisper, “For once, she would envy the stupid woman.”
I could make out a glimmer in his eyes for a split second before I felt my weight shifting forward not on my own accord. There was a calming pressure around my back and it took a few moments before I realized I was in his arms, my cheek resting on his chest. Once more, I felt the overwhelming weight of guilt and wanted to pull away. Rationally, I knew what I needed to do. And yet, it had been so long since I felt safe in someone’s embrace, my body soaked it up like water in the desert. It shocked me how thirsty I had been for his touch.
“I don’t know what or who your demons are, but I can see they’re crushing you.”
As expected of a smart man, he could see through the hypocrite in me. Had he taken my reluctance to reply as a hint that I was drawn to him? Had he seen through my facade, that I was merely playing tough so neither of us got hurt? My demons were my own to fight; I couldn’t let him take them into his own hands.
“It seems I can’t help but want to protect you.” His low, airy voice boomed above my head. He sighed, “I hate to admit it.”
My fingers trembled by my side. The elitist whose apathy for women’s feelings was unparalleled, the overconfident CEO who had no time for unproductive emotions, the man I was taught to hate all my life… had willingly gone out of his way to care for me. It was the first time I could distinguish vulnerability in his tone of voice and it scared me that I had pulled it out of him.
“It may not seem convincing coming from me, but it’s okay to ask for help.”
Those were the words I needed. Tears welled in my eyes, an emotional release, a cry for help. Though the demons still terrorized me, he gave me the strength to face them. And wistfully, I knew that meant my time with him was limited. The countdown had begun.
Rating: R for whole series, R for Ch.13
Genre: Romance, Mystery Drama
Plot: Aiba Masaki (29) is the CEO of Yamakaze Hotels, Japan's top hotel chain. What began as a search for a secretary turns into a life-changing matter when he meets candidate Kusunoki Shion (26). As Shion challenges Aiba to question the only world he's ever known, she keeps to herself a dark secret that must remain undisclosed.
Author's Notes: Thanks for stopping by to read my fanfic! :D I have two ongoing series: this one, and Eyes Like Honey (Sakurai Sho fanfic). I beganThe Beautiful Downfall with a clear concept: I wanted to write a dark, DoS Masaki. ;) From there, I jotted down a rough storyline which became The Beautiful Downfall. Each chapter is relatively and deliberately short so they are quicker reads than my other fanfics. Although I'm not sure how many chapters will be in this series, I hope you'll stick around to the end! ❤
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13
Chapter 14: A Field of Dreams
“...A boat?”
As we reached the end of the dock, Aiba-san nodded before turning around to face me.
“Well, technically, it’s my boat.”
“This...is yours?”
He pulled out a set of keys from his jacket pocket and jingled them playfully.
“Wait, who’s going to maneuver it?”
He chuckled as he climbed onto his boat. “Are you capable?”
“You’re not serious...”
“Well, then. That only leaves one of us.”
“You’re-”
“Licensed?” He nodded. “Come on. Watch your step.”
Although I wasn’t all that surprised to find that he owned a boat, I was rather shocked to hear he could drive one. As I boarded, I felt the weight shifting gently beneath my feet, the calm swaying of the water comforting me. It was as if I had stepped into a world unknown, a secret space, a hideaway.
He placed the keys into the ignition and the motor revved underwater.
“I want to show you something.” His eyes glimmered playfully.
-
“Come on, sweetheart. You should know what happens at these dinners.” Umeda-san placed his sweaty left hand on my knees and slid it up under my skirt to grope my thighs. I noticed he was wearing a wedding ring. I felt a cold chill running up my spine and instantly felt violated and dirty.
“Now, now, Umeda-sama. We’re talking business.” I tried to move his hand away but his slithery fingers crept up my back instead, pulling me in closer. He reeked of alcohol and cologne.
“Sweetie, this is business. You didn’t think Aiba-san brought you here to take notes now, did you?”
I’m not an idiot. I know what happens at these kinds of “meetings.” But... did Aiba-san bring me here for that purpose? Is that why he seems pretty keen with Umeda-san’s secretary? Was I just bait?
“See?” Umeda-san pointed across the table with his chin. “Your boss seems to be enjoying himself.”
It was the first time I had seen Aiba-san like this. He was leaning in toward Umeda-san’s secretary and placing his hand on her thigh, just like Umeda-san was doing to me. I couldn’t explain this feeling. Disappointment? About what? That Aiba-san was just like Umeda-san? That he used me to secure a generous offer? No...Aiba-san wouldn’t do that. He’s a decent human being, and more importantly, a remarkable boss. Then, was it jealousy I felt? But why? No, I don’t have any reason to be... Right? Or did I subconsciously dislike what was happening before me? Was there a part of me that wished I were the object of Aiba-san’s affection instead?
Umeda-san forcefully pressed a sake cup to my mouth. In an attempt at sending a message of disgust, I glued my lips together and denied his efforts to loosen me up. The sake trickled down my neck and onto my collarbones. That’s when the look in his eyes changed. He buried his face in my neck and breathed heavily into my ear.
“You wouldn’t want to throw your boss under the bus now, would you?” His slimy fingers traced my wet collarbone. “Do as I say, or I’m calling this whole thing off.”
I clenched my jaw and froze in place. That, I couldn’t do. That, I must prevent at all costs. My pride as the secretary of Yamakaze Hotels’ CEO wouldn’t allow it. I slowly closed my eyes and gave up control, wondering what kind of hellish night awaited me. I knew that if I had kept them open, I’d find myself seeking Aiba-san, desperately pleading for help. And yet, the voice inside begged to be heard.
Someone, please help.
Please.
Aiba-san.
Aiba-san...
“O-Ow...! What the hell is your problem?!”
Hm...? What just happened?
There was no more heavy breathing down my neck. The grip from which I was unable to escape suddenly let me loose. I opened my eyes and immediately realized what had happened.
Umeda-san’s hair was drenched in hot sake, his button-down shirt soaking. There was only one person in this room who could get away with such disrespectful behavior.
“You took the words right out of my mouth. Just what were you doing with my secretary?”
Aiba-san.
Overwhelmed not only by what I thought would happen tonight but also what actually did, I hid behind Aiba-san. I felt safe there. I felt protected. I felt I mattered. It was as if he had heard my silent cry for help.
Before being escorted out of the room, I had just enough time to look back. Umeda-san’s secretary was looking up at me, a tear falling down her cheek. I feared for her; the look in her eyes was no stranger to me. She was screaming for help, a way out. I wondered if she could sense the same in me. I wondered if Aiba-san noticed, too.
-
We sailed on for a good fifteen minutes before Aiba-san turned off the motor. Without its humming, the night seemed eerily quiet. The gentle waves splashed the sides of the boat.
“See that space over there by that old-fashioned home?” Aiba-san pointed to an empty area sectioned off by a fence.
“Yes, sir.”
“That’s mine.”
“Oh, are you building another hotel there?”
“Nah, that’s too boring.”
It surprised me that he’d use such a negative adjective to describe his blood, sweat, and tears. “A branch office, then?”
“It’s going to be a baseball field for kids,” he said proudly as he gazed fondly at it.
Hm. I never noticed how his dimples crease vertically, or how his eyes crinkle at the edges when he smiles from the heart. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t ever seen him smile with such vivacity.
“I grew up playing baseball. It was my sanctuary, a place I could go to forget everything.”
“...Is that why you bought this boat, too?” Ironically for someone working in hospitality, I could sense that he preferred to be alone.
“On dry land, someone is bound to find you. Out at sea, I can get away from business. Here, I’m just a regular guy.”
A breeze flirted with his hair and he combed his bangs back with his fingers. The moonlight cast shadows on parts of his face, adding to his mysterious allure.
“Hm? Is there something on my face?” He inquired and looked my way.
“Uh, no. I’m sorry, I was just thinking about something.”
“The ocean will do that to you.” He returned his gaze toward the soon-to-be baseball field. “That’s how I got the idea in the first place. Hotels are what I do, what people know me for. But, that’s not how I want to be remembered.”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“Men, we all want to leave a legacy, a name in history. When I die, the headlines will read, ‘The CEO of Yamakaze Hotels Dies at Age 87.’ But, the people who attend my funeral? I want them to say, ‘He was a man of his word. He was loyal to the people who were important to him.’ I don’t want to end up like my father.”
The smile faded from his face as his eyes ignited with passion.
“Sir...”
That was the moment.
“I want kids to feel like they belong. That house next to the field is an orphanage.”
“Sir...?” I called to him again.
He kept his gaze on the empty lot but answered. “Yeah?”
“Please promise me. No matter what happens, you will see this project through... even if I’m not there to see it to completion.”
“What, are you thinking about quitting before it’s finished?” He chuckled as he looked my way.
“No... it’s just a figure of speech-”
“Because you’re going to have to convince me to fire you first. If you can’t persuade me, you can’t quit.” He smiled and looked up at the sky. His eyes captured the countless stars and I couldn’t look away.
That was the moment I decided.
“I’m honored to be your secretary, Aiba-san.”
I would sacrifice my life for this man.
“Kusunoki.”
“Yes, sir?”
I wasn’t used to the look in his eyes. It enveloped me with a kind of warmth I’d never felt before. In this moment, it felt as though our relationship was not that of a boss and his subordinate, but something more personal and intimate.
“Thanks for coming along on my detour.”
“The pleasure has been mine, sir,” I bowed my head to thank him.
“You’re one of four people who know about the field. Do you know what that means?” He placed a hand in his pockets.
“That it’s confidential information I must handle with utmost care?”
He chuckled and took his free hand to scratch behind his neck. “Business as usual.”
“That’s what I do best, sir,” I replied, slightly confused.
“The other three who know are Nino, Mochida, and Matsumoto. Does that clarify anything for you?”
As his gentle voice hit my ears, I realized what he was implying. As the CEO of the greatest hotel empire in Japan, Aiba-san was slow to trust. I didn’t blame him; he was used to people trying to take advantage of him, win his favor, and use his clout for their own benefit. How lonely he must feel at times, carrying the weight of Yamakaze Hotels on his shoulders, alone. Many know of him, but hardly anyone cares enough to truly understand him. Kazu-kun, Mochida-san, and Matsumoto-san are the exceptions. Had he given me the privilege of being in that intimate circle? Without saying it outright, he had given me one of the best compliments I could ever receive as a secretary and as a person: he trusted me.
He nodded, undoubtedly figuring out that I had decoded his message. “Wouldn’t expect anything less from a smart woman like you.”
Suddenly, the guilt I’d been battling within was too much for me to bear. I closed my eyes to fight back the tears and looked down at the ground.
“Sir, I really don’t deserve this privilege…”
“Luckily for you, I think you do. I want to share this dream with you. Besides, wouldn’t you want to be a part of my legacy?” He chuckled smugly.
Aiba-san. If only you knew how painful it is for me to hear those words. I don’t deserve your kindness, your trust, your loyalty, and certainly not your dreams. And yet, his beautiful soul made my heart swell with fondness like never before. My day of reckoning would eventually come. Still, I never thought it would be so easy for me to do the right thing. Though my fate was sealed, I vowed to myself that I would do anything to make sure Aiba-san’s was safe from harm.
“It is my sincerest honor to be have played a part in your legacy.”
His next movements played out in slow-motion. A masculine hand reached for the top of my head and gently rested there. The warmth emanating from his palm seemed to melt away the tension in my body. My shoulders relaxed as I let out a sigh. There was a complexity to his poignant gaze-a mixture of disappointment and acceptance-but to what, I didn’t know.
“Business as usual,” he smiled defeatedly.
A soft breeze passed between us. The smell of the ocean filled my nose as the boat rocked ever so slightly. There was something enchanting about this space. Even as the city lights twinkled in the distance, it was as though we were the only two people in the world.
“I didn’t bring you here because you’re my secretary,” he sighed without moving his hand away.
Events from earlier tonight played back in my head: how disgusted I felt being assaulted by a married man with no morals, how I couldn’t put a finger on why I was so affected by Aiba-san’s physical closeness with Ashikawa-san, how protected and worthy I felt when he rescued me. Was it duty that made him take action? Or dare I hope that it was something more? My heart beat restlessly as my mind tried to deny it all. Though I prided myself in being an intelligent woman, I found myself no longer being able to judge his past secretaries. He was wrong about them. They may have been stupid, but they weren’t after his money, fame, title, or lifestyle. They were truly captivated by him--Aiba Masaki, the man.
As I tried to understand what he was saying between the lines, another gentle breeze floated by, picking up the loose strands of hair around my face. Before I could tuck them behind my ears, the hand resting on my head made its way down the side of my face. For a confident man, his touch was timid, as if he were handling something fragile. After his fingers scooped up my hair and secured it behind both ears, they remained by my face, first tracing my jawline, then thumb caressing the edge of my lips before slowly returning back to his side. Where he had touched was now tingling as my eyes gazed longingly at his hand.
“Tell me, how would a smart woman interpret this situation?” His voice, just like his touch, was also reserved.
Was this a trick question? Any woman-smart or otherwise-would agree on one answer: in favor of her feelings. Indeed, it was a rhetorical question. All it did was reveal what I’ve already been purposefully ignoring. If a woman had no feelings for a man, the gesture would have been appalling and the circumstances, uncomfortable. Umeda-san’s touch repulsed me, Kinoshita’s touch terrified me. But this one… oh, how I wished for his sweet caress again. The sensation still lingered on my face, his fingers tenderly gliding across my skin. My answer proved what I had feared: that I yearned to love and be loved again. But, of all the things I did not deserve, the love of this man I deserved least.
And so, with his best interest in mind, I silenced the longing within. “Only fools fall in love, sir.”
He closed his eyes briefly and let out a defeated chuckle. “You’re right.”
As he placed both his hands in his pockets and gazed up at the twinkling sky, I saw disappointment in his expression. It broke my heart but I knew this was the right decision. This way, he can look back on this one day and brush it off as a misunderstanding, a moment of weakness. I would fade from his memory like the rest of his other secretaries and his life would go on. “Just don’t let history repeat itself.” Kazu-kun’s words hung like dead weight on my shoulders. Not again. I couldn’t stand to hurt another man I cared so deeply about.
“But…” I said, almost a whisper, “For once, she would envy the stupid woman.”
I could make out a glimmer in his eyes for a split second before I felt my weight shifting forward not on my own accord. There was a calming pressure around my back and it took a few moments before I realized I was in his arms, my cheek resting on his chest. Once more, I felt the overwhelming weight of guilt and wanted to pull away. Rationally, I knew what I needed to do. And yet, it had been so long since I felt safe in someone’s embrace, my body soaked it up like water in the desert. It shocked me how thirsty I had been for his touch.
“I don’t know what or who your demons are, but I can see they’re crushing you.”
As expected of a smart man, he could see through the hypocrite in me. Had he taken my reluctance to reply as a hint that I was drawn to him? Had he seen through my facade, that I was merely playing tough so neither of us got hurt? My demons were my own to fight; I couldn’t let him take them into his own hands.
“It seems I can’t help but want to protect you.” His low, airy voice boomed above my head. He sighed, “I hate to admit it.”
My fingers trembled by my side. The elitist whose apathy for women’s feelings was unparalleled, the overconfident CEO who had no time for unproductive emotions, the man I was taught to hate all my life… had willingly gone out of his way to care for me. It was the first time I could distinguish vulnerability in his tone of voice and it scared me that I had pulled it out of him.
“It may not seem convincing coming from me, but it’s okay to ask for help.”
Those were the words I needed. Tears welled in my eyes, an emotional release, a cry for help. Though the demons still terrorized me, he gave me the strength to face them. And wistfully, I knew that meant my time with him was limited. The countdown had begun.