Eyes Like Honey - A Sakurai Sho Fanfic (9/?)
Pairing: Sakurai Sho x Fictional Female (Reader) *see note below
Rating: R for whole series, R for Ch.9
Genre: Romance, Drama
Word count: 5,749
Plot: A 33-year-old singleton, Nijishima Kokoro, finds herself at a host club where she meets the club's most popular host, Sakurai Sho. The encounter propels Kokoro to explore a different kind of love as Sho helps Kokoro discover herself.
NOTE: This story reads like a shoujo manga--it is written in a fictitious first-person narrative where the reader is the protagonist. Please proceed with caution if you are uncomfortable with JE members having relationships with fictitious female characters (even if that female is you!).
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8
Chapter Nine: Titles and Things
“Ahhhhh!!!!! You kissed?!” screamed Reiko in excitement.
“I’m going to punch that douchebag in the face,” Juri shook her head.
Funny how, in telling the same story to two people, you receive two, completely different responses. As planned, I called for an emergency girls’ meeting that night, and they came over to my place, bags of drinks and snacks to last us until morning. We hadn’t even made a dent in our drink supply when I began talking. I told them everything, every little detail after the group date had turned into a night out with him, what I had found out about 34, that we slept in the same bed, and that we were kind-of-sort-of seeing each other, at least I assumed as much. At the end of my spiel, I bit my lips uncomfortably and revealed that Ryota had texted me. Needless to say, Reiko exploded with excitement at the bulk of the story, and ever-wary Juri clenched her fists at the last thing I had said.
“He got sick and you took care of him in your room?!” Reiko’s eyes glimmered.
“Didn’t you erase his number from your phone?” Juri said, annoyed.
“That’s textbook romance drama!” Reiko continued.
“Don’t you dare reply back to him, Kokoro,” Juri’s eyes widened, full of warning.
“They say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! Now that he knows you’re a great cook, there’s no way he’ll-”
“W-Wait…” I put my hands out to stop them. “Can we pick which to talk about first?”
“Uh, Sho, of course. This emergency meeting is to toast your new relationship!” Reiko got her beer can ready and munched on some snacks.
“Clearly, it’s to discuss how to permanently get rid of that asshole.” Juri crossed her arms.
“Okay!” I stopped them again. “Let’s get the bad news out of the way first. Then, we can talk longer about the good news.” I looked at Reiko, then at Juri. Both agreed, nodding their heads.
“So, why did he text you?” Reiko was ready to expedite this conversation topic. She wanted to get to the meaty, fluffy, rainbow-y stuff quick.
“He wants to talk to me about ‘something important’,” I replied.
“Nuh-uh,” Juri shook her head immediately. “‘Something important’ reeks of douchebag.”
“Why didn’t you erase his number?” Reiko echoed Juri’s earlier question.
“I did!” I pulled up the message to prove it. “It’s from some number I didn’t recognize. Maybe he kept mine.”
“Even though he left you for another girl?” Juri raised her eyebrows. “Think about it, Kokoro. Why would he keep your contact information in that situation?”
I pursed my lips nervously.
“Because he intended on contacting you again,” she answered her own question.
“I’m with Juri on this one,” Reiko agreed. “I don’t think you should write back. What’s the point? Will you gain anything from talking to Ryota again?”
I thought about her question for a few moments. I just had one of the best mornings of my life with another man. Why is Ryota here to ruin my life again? My friends were absolutely right.
“You two have a point,” I said. “Okay, I’ll delete the message and pretend I never received it.” I erased his message and immediately, I felt better.
“Okay.” Reiko picked up her beer can again. “Now can we celebrate your freedom from the curse of singledom?”
I smiled and nodded. “Thanks for waiting, Reiko.” Three beer cans clinked in celebration.
“I never thought I’d say this about a nightclub host, but I really like him,” Juri took a sip of her drink. “I approve.”
I covered my blushing face with my hands.
“You know what they say about men and women in relationships…” Reiko waited for one of us to finish her sentence.
“They’re less horny?” Juri joked. “Oh, wait, that doesn’t make sense since you’re one of the most sex-hungry people I know.”
“Touche…” Reiko puffed her cheeks, taking the jab in stride. “No, you can always tell a good man by how happy the woman is.” She smiled smugly, as if she knew she had said something insightful.
“And how happy she is, is directly proportional to how well he treats her.”
Suddenly, I remembered what my client, Miss Kondo, had told me the other day.
“I don’t like that statement,” Juri rebutted. “It assumes a woman can’t be happy without a man.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Reiko corrected. “A woman can be perfectly happy on her own. But, if she so chooses to be in a relationship, a wonderful partner can give her extraordinary powers. A woman in love with the right man feels like she’s on top of the world!”
“Really?” Juri skeptically asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way being with anyone.”
“Because they aren’t the right one!” Reiko raised her hands to show how obviously flawed Juri’s rebuttal was.
“Oh, wait…” I remembered that I had left out a crucial part of the story.
“What?” Reiko asked.
“Juri. About Shun…” I hesitated but knew I had to tell her.
“Oh, him. Yeah, it’s not going to work out.” Juri took a swig of her beer.
“Wait, what?” Reiko butted in. “Why?”
“Because he’s a scumbag.” Juri replied definitively.
“How…?” It took me by surprise that she already saw him in such a negative light. But her confidence? That didn’t surprise me at all. There was never a gray area with her love life, and I respected her for it.
“I called him last night to find out why he left early,” Juri explained. “He told me that Sho punched him.” She looked over at me.
“He what…?” These past few days had been full of surprises for me.
“Yeah. Shun said he hit a nerve, got under his skin. Something about feeling victorious whenever he’d succeed in winning a girl who once liked Sho.”
I immediately recalled Maki and her experiences with Shun. It seemed this idiot hadn’t changed or grown up at all, and a part of me was now convinced that 34 had seen through Shun’s tricks, which explained his signs of disapproval.
“Remember when Sho came back to the bowling alley alone?” Juri asked. “Don’t you remember him keeping his hands in his pockets? I think it’s because he was trying to keep that from us.”
“You’re right! Come to think of it, he did have his hands in his pockets!” Reiko nodded affirmatively. “Did you see if he had hurt his hand, Kokoro?”
I hadn’t. In fact, I hadn’t even noticed that he had returned with his hands in his pockets. If the punch had hurt him, then he sure did a great job of hiding the pain, because I didn’t notice anything throughout the rest of the night. Or could it be my lack of awareness of my surroundings? Could I be paying a price for my failure to be observant? If so, I deserved to.
“…No,” I shook my head. “I didn’t notice a thing.”
“But Sho punched him just because of that?” Reiko’s face was full of unbelief. “That’s a little much, don’t you think?”
“That’s not why he punched him, though.” Juri put her beer can down and looked down at the hem of her shirt.
“Then, why?” Reiko prodded.
“Shun said you were ‘plain and boring’, Kokoro, that he was disappointed because he thought Sho could do so much better. Still, he bet Sho that he could steal you like he did with his other admirers, just for fun.”
“…What?” My eyes stared intently at Juri, who lifted her head to look at me.
“I’m not hurt,” Juri stared back at me reassuringly. “I’d-a punched him, too, if I’d heard him speaking about you like that.”
“Juri…” I bit my lips to keep my emotions from overflowing.
“What a piece of worthless shit,” Reiko crossed her arms. “That jerk hurt both of my best friends!”
“Kokoro.” Juri gave me a smile. “I like Sho. He really cares about you.”
“Yeah, no one’s punched another guy in the face to defend my dignity!” Reiko pouted.
He was full of surprises, shrouded in mystery but full of kindness. Though his words were cryptic at times, his actions were always sincere. The more I found out about him, the more I could feel myself falling deeply in love. It was scary and thrilling, but also the most comforting thing I had ever experienced. He punched someone. For me. I tried not to let my feelings get the best of me. Butterflies in the stomach and rose-tinted glasses are nice and all, but I was more of the butterflies-were-once-caterpillars and eyeglasses-shouldn’t-affect-the-colors-of-the-world kind of girl. I picked up my drink and took a sip to calm my emotions. The night was young, and my friends weren’t in a hurry to rush home on such a celebratory night.
--
What happened the next day might as well have been a scene from some muddy, overdramatic soap opera. I never thought I’d face a day where I had to handle personal business at work.
“Manager Nishijima?” A subordinate called to get my attention. “A man is here to see you.”
“Does he have an appointment? I’m booked for the rest of the week.” I say over my shoulder as I continued cutting a customer’s hair.
“No… but it seems important.”
“All right, I’ll be right there.” I bowed and excused myself from my customer. When I got to the front door, I immediately regretted it.
“Hey, Kokoro.”
“What the hell are you doing here, Ryota?” It was a legitimate question. He has no business being here, especially with me.
“Did you get my text?” he asked eagerly.
“Yeah.” And I ignored it, obviously. Get the hint.
“Could we talk sometime? I promise it’ll just be this one time.” Ryota took a step toward me. I took one back.
“For what, Ryota? What is there to talk about now?” I checked my watch. “I’m working, you’re bothering me.” It was what could manage to say; I knew I had to set boundaries.
“Okay, sorry. But, please. It’s important to me.”
What if it’s not important to me? But I already knew the answer to that question. He never cared about what was important or valuable to me. “I’ll give you an hour. That’s it.”
He sighed in relief. “Thanks, Kokoro. I knew you’d come around. How about tomorrow at 10:00PM? Is that too late?”
Yes, it is, I wanted to say. But as it turned out, I was closing the salon tomorrow and that sounded just about right. “An hour.” In that hour, I would gain complete closure, I thought to myself.
Ryota nodded. “Let’s meet at our usual corner bar.” He exhaled audibly, then turned to leave.
This was so like him. Everything was done at his convenience without any consideration for the other party. I watched him leave, a heavy burden resting on my shoulders now. As I walked back into the salon, I pondered ways to explain this situation to 34. We had never explicitly defined our relationship, but I felt like it would be rude if I didn’t tell him, like I was sneaking behind his back. I sighed. Being in love sucks.
--
“Oh, look who’s calling?” I hear 34’s teasing voice in my ears. “Couldn’t wait for me to call you, I see.”
“N-No, that’s not true…!” One of his powers, I thought, was making me believe I was guilty of something of which I had no recollection. He could make me doubt myself. It was an emotionally long day and I wanted to hear his voice after returning home, sure. But now, I was starting to wonder if I indeed was unable to wait for his call.
“Have you been behaving?” he asked lightheartedly.
“Um, well… yes, I think.” I pursed my lips.
“You ‘think’? That’s not good enough for me.” His voice was friendly and playful.
“Right…” I sighed. “It’s Ryota.”
“Ryota?”
I only then realized that 34 didn’t know his name yet. “Uh, the cognac guy.”
“Oh, okay,” 34 replied. “What about him?”
I explained that he had texted me, how I had planned to ignore it, but then he showed up at my workplace and I was cornered into meeting him tomorrow.
“So?” He seemed completely unfazed.
“Uh…so…” I didn’t think he’d react so calmly. I suppose I didn’t expect anything at all, really.
“Meet with him.”
“Wh…Wait, really?” I was confused.
“Yeah.” His responses were brief but cordial, and they confused me even more.
“You’re not mad?” It was an odd question, I know. But I needed confirmation.
“Why would I be mad?” he chuckled. “You’re not obligated to tell me this.”
“…I’m not?”
“No. We’re not even dating.”
…We’re not? That response threw me off completely. We’re not even dating. The sentence ricocheted around in my head, and there was ringing in my ears.
“If you think this will bring closure, you should go,” he continued, still unfazed.
“O-Oh. Okay, then.” My voice became timid and embarrassed.
“If you need someone to talk to, you can always call me.” With that, our conversation was over.
What the hell was that? I didn’t want to regret telling him, but I was confused and hurt. Here I was, thinking we had something special. You're an idiot, Kokoro. I stared at my phone and tossed it on the bed. I couldn’t understand how he was the same man who had punched a guy because he refused to hear bad things about me. Or the same man who had soothed me and made me whole with his drink. Or the same man who had saved me from the same ex-boyfriend once before. Being in love really sucks. I let out a sigh. It felt somewhat like heartbreak…though, since he wasn’t under the impression that we were dating, I didn’t feel justified thinking that way. With nowhere to go or hide, my feelings just floated in the air, dangling limply.
--
“Thanks for meeting me.” Ryota got up from his seat at the counter to greet me.
“Gratitude accepted,” I said indifferently. He sure knew how to cause chaos in my life. I pulled out my own chair and took a seat. 34 would have pulled the seat out for me.
“Hope you don’t mind, I ordered you a gin and tonic.” He slid the drink over to me. “I remember you liked those.”
Actually, I DO mind. I don’t drink that unsophisticated shit anymore. I’m in love with his Sidecar. Thoughts of 34 weaved in and out of my mind. I couldn’t “cheat” on him with some cheap imitation of a drink like this gin and tonic. No, I was a slave to his magic elixir and I didn’t mind. At all.
I took the drink but refused to have it touch my lips. “Get to the point, because you only have an hour.”
“Of course,” Ryota began. “Long story short, it’s not working out.”
“What’s not working out?”
“Things with Nana.”
I paused for a moment. “…Oh, you mean the girl you had an affair with when you were engaged to me?” Let’s be very clear about that.
“Yeah.” He paused. “I proposed to her, but then I started feeling suffocated. She’s too needy and clingy, you know? I realized I could be myself when I’m with you.”
You have got to be kidding me.
“And you’re telling me this why?” The blood was starting to boil in my veins.
“Because I want to work this out with you again.” Ryota turned to face me. “I’m no good without you.”
I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. “Then, why did you propose to her?”
“It felt right at the time,” Ryota explained.
Excuse you.
“Oh, so when you proposed to me, it was because it ‘felt right at the time’, I see.”
“Kokoro, you’re twisting my words.”
“Am I?” I challenged. “You’re just running back to something comfortable. You’re running from commitment. I’m not your convenient solution or refuge.” Years’ worth of pain came spilling out.
“T-That’s not true,” Ryota stammered. She doesn’t get me like you do.”
I forcefully swallowed the lump in my throat. In my confusion, I took out my phone.
What are you doing right now? I hit ‘send’.
“Who are you writing to?” Ryota inquired.
“Is it any of your business?” My hands trembled slightly. “Not anymore, is it?”
“Kokoro, please. I left my pride at the door when I walked in to this bar tonight. Can’t you even consider it?”
Old wounds were starting to throb again. “You chose this,” I reminded him. “You chose to cheat on me, and you chose to leave.” It pained me to hear that truth again. This was nothing but emotional torture.
“I know, and I made a terrible mistake,” Ryota pleaded. “Please.”
“As we speak, you’re making the same choice, to cheat on your fiancée, to leave her like you left me.”
“No, I’m choosing you over her,” he begged, as if hearing that was supposed to make it all better.
You’ve got a lot of nerve. “No,” I rejected. “I can’t do this.”
“Why not?” he prodded.
I took a good look at him. By some divine intervention, I noticed shades and shadows of Shun in his words and demeanor. The resemblance terrified me. Had I been blind to his faults all along? My heart may have been fully invested in him in the past, but it wasn’t stupid enough to make the same mistakes again. Compatibility is everything. This gin and tonic no longer had a hold of me. 34 taught me that.
“Because you haven’t changed, Ryota. Not a single bit.”
“But I have! Give me another chance, please.” I felt uncomfortable seeing him pleading like this.
“If you have to defend yourself and say that you’ve changed, you probably haven’t.” I looked at him with distant eyes. “If that’s all you have to tell me, I think I’ll be leaving.”
“Kokoro.” He grabbed my wrist. His grip hurt. “I can’t let you do that.”
“Ow… stop it…!” I flung my arm away and managed to break free. “Bye, Ryota.” I had a bad feeling about this. Fear nudged me to make a call. I grabbed my phone and clicked the first person on my call log history: 34.
As I walked swiftly toward the door, I heard 34’s voice: “Hey.” Just then, I felt a firm grip on my arm. Ryota pulled me down to the hallway where the bathrooms were. There, he turned me around to face him and slammed me against the wall, his hands holding my wrists above my head.
“W-What are you doing?!” I tried to break free, but his grip was much more stubborn this time. I felt my hands growing cold from lack of circulation.
“If you aren’t going to be docile and comply, I guess I’ll have to use force.” Ryota’s eyes were full of vengeance and determination.
“S…top it…!” I turned my face away to avoid his kiss.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” he mocked. “Let’s be honest, we’re meant to be together.” He bunched my wrists into one hand and with the other, started groping my butt, pulling my hips toward him. I tried to break free again, but to no avail.
“Please, Ryota,” I whimpered. “Stop…” I closed my eyes in fear. I didn’t know what had gotten into him. It unnerved me to think he had this in him somewhere all along.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
I opened my eyes in disbelief. What…?
Caught red-handed, Ryota immediately pulled away, trying to avoid all blame. But when he saw who had called to him, he scoffed and walked over. “It’s you again.”
My nose picked up on it first, that dangerously erotic scent, citrus overtones dancing over robust, spicy amber. Then, my eyes. Those broad shoulders and beautiful frame, golden hair curling at the nape of his neck.
“34…?”
He stood in front of me, shielding me from Ryota. “Unfortunately for you, it’s me again.”
“Who the hell are you? Are you trying to get with my girl?” Ryota challenged.
But 34 kept his composure. “I’m her fiancé.”
“What the...” Ryota’s eyes swung back and forth between him and me.
“So it looks like she’s not your girl.” 34 hadn’t moved an inch, but from the tone of his voice, I could tell his eyes were cold.
Ryota’s attention shifted from 34 to me. “Kokoro, is this true?”
Hidden behind his back, I felt safe and secure. Though my heart was racing and I was holding back tears, I focused my energy to deliver one, assertive nod.
“But babe, we had such a good thing going,” Ryota continued begging. “This guy can’t treat you right.”
“And you still chose to leave her?” 34 let out a soft chuckle, then took a few steps toward Ryota and stood to his side. “If you couldn’t realize her worth when you had her, you don’t deserve to find out now.” 34 lowered his voice as his eyes moved to the side to take in Ryota’s reaction.
“You love her?” Ryota looked livid.
“I do,” 34 replied immediately.
Ryota scoffed. “Prove it.” As those words left his lips, a fist came flying in my direction. I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew, I heard sound of impact but didn’t feel a thing. I open my eyes and I see the same broad shoulders in front of me. 34’s head was tilted to one side, his breathing heavy.
“Oh, my god…!” I grabbed his arm and realized his hands were in fists, his muscles tense.
“Sir, I have to ask you to leave.” A security guard made his way to Ryota and pointed him toward the exit.
“You try laying another finger on her, and next time, I won’t be as nice.” 34 warned one last time.
After I saw Ryota leave the premises, I let out a big sigh. Suddenly, I felt faint. My legs gave way but 34 immediately caught me in his arms. I let my body fall into his, and as my head hit his shoulder, a fountain of tears streamed down my cheeks. There was a sense of relief, that I was completely safe now. I curled my fingers and clung to his jacket. I noticed his heart was racing, too, perhaps from the adrenaline, perhaps from something else. He didn’t say a word, but brought his arms fully around my back and held me close. He didn’t let go until I loosened my grip.
“Don’t worry me like that.” He took his fingers and gently combed back the hair in my face.
“S…orry…” I apologized.
He swept his fingers along my jawline to catch the tears that were about to fall to the ground.
“How did you know…?” I said between sobs.
“That you were in trouble? You texted me, didn’t you?” He brought his hand back to his jaw. His eyebrows flinched as he opened his mouth.
“…Oh, my god!” My hands immediately reached for the hand at his jaw. “Are you okay?” His left cheek had turned red from impact, and I could even make out the shape of Ryota’s fingers. I was afraid to touch his face. I didn’t want to hurt him more than I already had.
“I’m not that fragile,” he smiled softly.
“Why didn’t you hit him back?” Seeing the bruise taint his beautiful face pained my heart. He didn’t deserve the hit at all.
“What good would that have done?” he questioned. “If he and I both got kicked out of here, who’d take care of you?” He deliberately looked away at the wall behind me.
I choked on an inhale as the waterworks continued. The sincerity in his words was almost too much for me to accept.
“I rushed over as soon as I saw your text. When you called me, I was only a few blocks away.” He continued to look at the wall, as if he were giving me privacy to cry it all out.
“What…?” I recalled the phone conversation I had with him before. “But I never mentioned where we were meeting.”
Without meeting my eyes, he bit his lower lip and smiled. “I think you’re still underestimating my guessing skills.”
I brought a hand up to my lips and let out an audible exhale. You never cease to surprise me.
“Let’s get out of here.” He gave me space to walk toward the door, but my legs felt flimsy. I looked at him with puffy eyes. I understood that this is what it meant to want someone to take care of you. It was different from neediness; it was the ability to allow someone else to be good to you. Noticing immediately, he bent his arm and stuck out his elbow for me to hold. I curled my arm around his and held on tightly.
The wind hit my face as we stepped outside. I filled my lungs with fresh air, and it helped clear my head. I looked up at 34 and noticed something peculiar.
“Wait…”
“Hm?” He met my gaze.
“Why are you in your host clothes?” The top two buttons of his white, crisply ironed dress shirt were undone and his jacket fit snugly along his shoulders, arms, and torso, completing the suave look. His long, lean legs followed a straight line down to his black, leather shoes. I suddenly felt underdressed.
He let out a soft chuckle. “Where do you think I was when you texted me?”
My eyes widened apologetically. “I’m so sorry!” Akatsuki was nowhere near this neighborhood. I wondered how he got here so quickly.
“You’re lucky you’re no longer my client anymore,” he said as he pointed to a car parked along the curb, emergency lights flickering brightly. “I wouldn’t do this for any of them.”
It was the same Nissan X-Trail I remembered seeing in the parking lot of Akatsuki. He walked over to the car and opened the passenger seat door as I let his words sink in. So much had happened emotionally since I had last seen him. Although 34 had explicitly denied us dating, I couldn’t help but find myself more in love with him. As the cool breeze brushed against my cheeks, I recalled what had happened inside the bar. There was a first for everything, I thought. I’d never feared for my physical wellbeing as much as I had just moments ago, and only in movies had I seen a man getting punched in the face. And that hit was to protect me. This man had saved my life; but that, I knew wasn’t the first time.
“Come on,” he called to me.
I hesitated. Not only did I endanger him tonight, I had interrupted his work. He had already done so much; I couldn’t trouble him any further.
“Don’t you need to go back to work?” I politely declined the invitation, though I didn’t know where he would have taken me, anyway.
“Where do you think we’re going?” he chuckled as he placed his hands out toward the seat to escort me in.
“What…?” With a mind of their own, my feet shuffled toward his car. He closed the door behind me, the familiar interior welcoming me.
“I gotta head back. I’ve clients waiting.” He climbed into his seat and buckled his seatbelt.
“I’m really sorry…” I was. I felt horrible for troubling him.
“You’re not hurt, right?” He put the car in drive and we merged with the flow of traffic.
“No…” I said softly and apologetically.
Keeping his eyes on the road, he nodded and looked relieved. “That’s what matters.”
“34...” My heart ached. Sitting in the passenger’s seat, I had a clear line of vision of the bruise on his left cheek. “Why did you come tonight?”
“I’m surprised myself.” He took one hand off the wheel and combed his hair back.
“What do you mean?”
“Things like this usually don’t bother me.” We waited at a red light.
“What things?” I asked.
“You worried me the other day. On the phone.”
“…What?” I ransacked my brain to recall our conversation.
“You were meeting with someone who clearly never appreciated you. I didn’t trust him, and rightfully so.” He tapped his fingers lightly on the wheel to keep himself busy. That’s when I remembered that he, too, had hit someone.
“Um-” I wanted to ask about that, too, but he had more to say.
“I was scared tonight. When I got your text, I worried that he was making you feel uncomfortable. When I received your call, I could hear everything. I was ready to beat him to a pulp.” The light turned green and we made a left at the intersection. His voice was gentle but clearly agitated.
I realized that after I had made the call, I never got to hang up. “I’m sorry.” It seemed like the only proper response.
“But once I got there, I realized that my priority was not teaching him a lesson, but protecting you.” We waited at another red light. “That’s why I’ve got this.” He looked my way for a moment, smiled, and pointed to the bruise.
“…I’m so sorry,” I sighed regrettably. I knew no amount of apologizing would undo the bruise, but it was all I could say. Understanding now that he didn’t hit back in his effort to protect me, it might as well have been me who had punched him. I was responsible for this scar.
“You’re my first.” He grazed his lips with his forefinger and chuckled. “I’ve never taken a punch to protect someone before, let alone a woman.”
“I’m not proud of that.” I looked down feeling awful.
“What were you going to say earlier?” he asked.
“What?”
“When I was explaining how uneasy I felt about you seeing your ex,” he reminded. “You were about to say something.”
“Oh.” The thought suddenly reappeared in my head. “Um, is your hand okay?”
“Hm? What about it?” He looked at his palms, then the back of his hands.
“Well… that day when we all went bowling…” My thought trailed off, but he seemed to sense what I was hoping to ask.
“That blabbermouth.” 34 gave a look of disapproval.
“So, it’s true?”
He smiled at himself and sighed. “I give up.”
“Huh…?” I wasn’t following.
“It seems I can’t control my emotions when it comes to you, Miss 33.” 34 stretched his arms against the wheel.
“…Hm?” I still wasn’t following.
He kept his eyes glued to his own hands and remained quiet for a while. When the light turned green, he made another left turn onto a familiar street. He maneuvered the car down to the parking lot and reversed into an empty spot.
“Did you think this wouldn’t affect me?” He pulled up on the emergency brake, still not looking my way.
“What do you mean?” I asked timidly.
“That you were meeting up with your ex.”
“But… you told me that I should go, that I wasn’t obligated to tell y-”
“What if I didn’t show up tonight?” His voice turned stern.
“But you told me we weren’t even dating,” I responded. “After you left my place that morning, I thought we…” A lump in my throat stopped me from finishing my sentence.
“That we were dating?” he finished my thought for me. His voice was nonchalant and it felt like he wasn’t quite invested in the conversation. “We aren’t.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to remain calm. “Then… Then, you don’t have any right to be upset… do you?”
He laughed through his nose. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?” He scratched the back of his head, messing up the hair there. The agitated strands seemed to illustrate the emotions of his heart. Then, he finally turned to face me. “I have every right to be upset.”
I stared back at him. Behind those dark brown eyes, I could sense something dangerous, something boiling. Unable to understand what that could mean, I tried looking for other clues in his expression. Alas, he was too good at keeping his emotions under lock and key.
“Why’s that?” I managed to ask. “How come-”
His masculine fingers grabbed my right arm, just above the elbow, and pulled me toward him. Before I could make out what was happening, I found myself in his arms. A gasp escaped my lips.
“You frustrate me,” he whispered into my hair.
Taken by surprise, I couldn’t find any words.
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” His arms tightened around my shoulders. “I’m losing my mind here.”
…What?
“34…?”
“You’re on my mind all the time.” I could feel his breath on my neck. “It’s so frustrating.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. So, in response to his confessions, I brought my arms around to his back and nuzzled my face in his shoulder.
“This is all your fault,” 34 accused, but his voice had become sweet and drawn out, as if he were relieved. “What are you doing to me…”
A hand made its way to the nape of my neck and cradled my head. He exhaled deeply into my neck and it made my skin buzz from the heat.
“34…” I called to him softly.
“Mm?” He hadn’t moved an inch, and I could feel his deep voice reverberating inside his chest cavity.
“Your clients...”
The parking lot housed several vehicles but aside from us, was completely desolate. I knew I had interrupted his busy work schedule and now, I was aware that he wasn’t particularly happy about it. Even though I didn’t want to be alone just yet, I knew the right thing for me to do was let him get back to entertaining other women.
His nose nuzzled gently against my ear. “Can’t I stay like this for a little while longer?” A breathy, honeyed voice tickled my neck.
How was I to rebuke that? I smiled softly to myself as my fingers clung tightly to his jacket. Dating or not, it had become clear that feelings were mutual. Titles and things weren’t all that important. At least not now, not in this moment. And yet, by the end of the night, I would come to place a name on our relationship…
Rating: R for whole series, R for Ch.9
Genre: Romance, Drama
Word count: 5,749
Plot: A 33-year-old singleton, Nijishima Kokoro, finds herself at a host club where she meets the club's most popular host, Sakurai Sho. The encounter propels Kokoro to explore a different kind of love as Sho helps Kokoro discover herself.
NOTE: This story reads like a shoujo manga--it is written in a fictitious first-person narrative where the reader is the protagonist. Please proceed with caution if you are uncomfortable with JE members having relationships with fictitious female characters (even if that female is you!).
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8
Chapter Nine: Titles and Things
“Ahhhhh!!!!! You kissed?!” screamed Reiko in excitement.
“I’m going to punch that douchebag in the face,” Juri shook her head.
Funny how, in telling the same story to two people, you receive two, completely different responses. As planned, I called for an emergency girls’ meeting that night, and they came over to my place, bags of drinks and snacks to last us until morning. We hadn’t even made a dent in our drink supply when I began talking. I told them everything, every little detail after the group date had turned into a night out with him, what I had found out about 34, that we slept in the same bed, and that we were kind-of-sort-of seeing each other, at least I assumed as much. At the end of my spiel, I bit my lips uncomfortably and revealed that Ryota had texted me. Needless to say, Reiko exploded with excitement at the bulk of the story, and ever-wary Juri clenched her fists at the last thing I had said.
“He got sick and you took care of him in your room?!” Reiko’s eyes glimmered.
“Didn’t you erase his number from your phone?” Juri said, annoyed.
“That’s textbook romance drama!” Reiko continued.
“Don’t you dare reply back to him, Kokoro,” Juri’s eyes widened, full of warning.
“They say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! Now that he knows you’re a great cook, there’s no way he’ll-”
“W-Wait…” I put my hands out to stop them. “Can we pick which to talk about first?”
“Uh, Sho, of course. This emergency meeting is to toast your new relationship!” Reiko got her beer can ready and munched on some snacks.
“Clearly, it’s to discuss how to permanently get rid of that asshole.” Juri crossed her arms.
“Okay!” I stopped them again. “Let’s get the bad news out of the way first. Then, we can talk longer about the good news.” I looked at Reiko, then at Juri. Both agreed, nodding their heads.
“So, why did he text you?” Reiko was ready to expedite this conversation topic. She wanted to get to the meaty, fluffy, rainbow-y stuff quick.
“He wants to talk to me about ‘something important’,” I replied.
“Nuh-uh,” Juri shook her head immediately. “‘Something important’ reeks of douchebag.”
“Why didn’t you erase his number?” Reiko echoed Juri’s earlier question.
“I did!” I pulled up the message to prove it. “It’s from some number I didn’t recognize. Maybe he kept mine.”
“Even though he left you for another girl?” Juri raised her eyebrows. “Think about it, Kokoro. Why would he keep your contact information in that situation?”
I pursed my lips nervously.
“Because he intended on contacting you again,” she answered her own question.
“I’m with Juri on this one,” Reiko agreed. “I don’t think you should write back. What’s the point? Will you gain anything from talking to Ryota again?”
I thought about her question for a few moments. I just had one of the best mornings of my life with another man. Why is Ryota here to ruin my life again? My friends were absolutely right.
“You two have a point,” I said. “Okay, I’ll delete the message and pretend I never received it.” I erased his message and immediately, I felt better.
“Okay.” Reiko picked up her beer can again. “Now can we celebrate your freedom from the curse of singledom?”
I smiled and nodded. “Thanks for waiting, Reiko.” Three beer cans clinked in celebration.
“I never thought I’d say this about a nightclub host, but I really like him,” Juri took a sip of her drink. “I approve.”
I covered my blushing face with my hands.
“You know what they say about men and women in relationships…” Reiko waited for one of us to finish her sentence.
“They’re less horny?” Juri joked. “Oh, wait, that doesn’t make sense since you’re one of the most sex-hungry people I know.”
“Touche…” Reiko puffed her cheeks, taking the jab in stride. “No, you can always tell a good man by how happy the woman is.” She smiled smugly, as if she knew she had said something insightful.
“And how happy she is, is directly proportional to how well he treats her.”
Suddenly, I remembered what my client, Miss Kondo, had told me the other day.
“I don’t like that statement,” Juri rebutted. “It assumes a woman can’t be happy without a man.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Reiko corrected. “A woman can be perfectly happy on her own. But, if she so chooses to be in a relationship, a wonderful partner can give her extraordinary powers. A woman in love with the right man feels like she’s on top of the world!”
“Really?” Juri skeptically asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way being with anyone.”
“Because they aren’t the right one!” Reiko raised her hands to show how obviously flawed Juri’s rebuttal was.
“Oh, wait…” I remembered that I had left out a crucial part of the story.
“What?” Reiko asked.
“Juri. About Shun…” I hesitated but knew I had to tell her.
“Oh, him. Yeah, it’s not going to work out.” Juri took a swig of her beer.
“Wait, what?” Reiko butted in. “Why?”
“Because he’s a scumbag.” Juri replied definitively.
“How…?” It took me by surprise that she already saw him in such a negative light. But her confidence? That didn’t surprise me at all. There was never a gray area with her love life, and I respected her for it.
“I called him last night to find out why he left early,” Juri explained. “He told me that Sho punched him.” She looked over at me.
“He what…?” These past few days had been full of surprises for me.
“Yeah. Shun said he hit a nerve, got under his skin. Something about feeling victorious whenever he’d succeed in winning a girl who once liked Sho.”
I immediately recalled Maki and her experiences with Shun. It seemed this idiot hadn’t changed or grown up at all, and a part of me was now convinced that 34 had seen through Shun’s tricks, which explained his signs of disapproval.
“Remember when Sho came back to the bowling alley alone?” Juri asked. “Don’t you remember him keeping his hands in his pockets? I think it’s because he was trying to keep that from us.”
“You’re right! Come to think of it, he did have his hands in his pockets!” Reiko nodded affirmatively. “Did you see if he had hurt his hand, Kokoro?”
I hadn’t. In fact, I hadn’t even noticed that he had returned with his hands in his pockets. If the punch had hurt him, then he sure did a great job of hiding the pain, because I didn’t notice anything throughout the rest of the night. Or could it be my lack of awareness of my surroundings? Could I be paying a price for my failure to be observant? If so, I deserved to.
“…No,” I shook my head. “I didn’t notice a thing.”
“But Sho punched him just because of that?” Reiko’s face was full of unbelief. “That’s a little much, don’t you think?”
“That’s not why he punched him, though.” Juri put her beer can down and looked down at the hem of her shirt.
“Then, why?” Reiko prodded.
“Shun said you were ‘plain and boring’, Kokoro, that he was disappointed because he thought Sho could do so much better. Still, he bet Sho that he could steal you like he did with his other admirers, just for fun.”
“…What?” My eyes stared intently at Juri, who lifted her head to look at me.
“I’m not hurt,” Juri stared back at me reassuringly. “I’d-a punched him, too, if I’d heard him speaking about you like that.”
“Juri…” I bit my lips to keep my emotions from overflowing.
“What a piece of worthless shit,” Reiko crossed her arms. “That jerk hurt both of my best friends!”
“Kokoro.” Juri gave me a smile. “I like Sho. He really cares about you.”
“Yeah, no one’s punched another guy in the face to defend my dignity!” Reiko pouted.
He was full of surprises, shrouded in mystery but full of kindness. Though his words were cryptic at times, his actions were always sincere. The more I found out about him, the more I could feel myself falling deeply in love. It was scary and thrilling, but also the most comforting thing I had ever experienced. He punched someone. For me. I tried not to let my feelings get the best of me. Butterflies in the stomach and rose-tinted glasses are nice and all, but I was more of the butterflies-were-once-caterpillars and eyeglasses-shouldn’t-affect-the-colors-of-the-world kind of girl. I picked up my drink and took a sip to calm my emotions. The night was young, and my friends weren’t in a hurry to rush home on such a celebratory night.
--
What happened the next day might as well have been a scene from some muddy, overdramatic soap opera. I never thought I’d face a day where I had to handle personal business at work.
“Manager Nishijima?” A subordinate called to get my attention. “A man is here to see you.”
“Does he have an appointment? I’m booked for the rest of the week.” I say over my shoulder as I continued cutting a customer’s hair.
“No… but it seems important.”
“All right, I’ll be right there.” I bowed and excused myself from my customer. When I got to the front door, I immediately regretted it.
“Hey, Kokoro.”
“What the hell are you doing here, Ryota?” It was a legitimate question. He has no business being here, especially with me.
“Did you get my text?” he asked eagerly.
“Yeah.” And I ignored it, obviously. Get the hint.
“Could we talk sometime? I promise it’ll just be this one time.” Ryota took a step toward me. I took one back.
“For what, Ryota? What is there to talk about now?” I checked my watch. “I’m working, you’re bothering me.” It was what could manage to say; I knew I had to set boundaries.
“Okay, sorry. But, please. It’s important to me.”
What if it’s not important to me? But I already knew the answer to that question. He never cared about what was important or valuable to me. “I’ll give you an hour. That’s it.”
He sighed in relief. “Thanks, Kokoro. I knew you’d come around. How about tomorrow at 10:00PM? Is that too late?”
Yes, it is, I wanted to say. But as it turned out, I was closing the salon tomorrow and that sounded just about right. “An hour.” In that hour, I would gain complete closure, I thought to myself.
Ryota nodded. “Let’s meet at our usual corner bar.” He exhaled audibly, then turned to leave.
This was so like him. Everything was done at his convenience without any consideration for the other party. I watched him leave, a heavy burden resting on my shoulders now. As I walked back into the salon, I pondered ways to explain this situation to 34. We had never explicitly defined our relationship, but I felt like it would be rude if I didn’t tell him, like I was sneaking behind his back. I sighed. Being in love sucks.
--
“Oh, look who’s calling?” I hear 34’s teasing voice in my ears. “Couldn’t wait for me to call you, I see.”
“N-No, that’s not true…!” One of his powers, I thought, was making me believe I was guilty of something of which I had no recollection. He could make me doubt myself. It was an emotionally long day and I wanted to hear his voice after returning home, sure. But now, I was starting to wonder if I indeed was unable to wait for his call.
“Have you been behaving?” he asked lightheartedly.
“Um, well… yes, I think.” I pursed my lips.
“You ‘think’? That’s not good enough for me.” His voice was friendly and playful.
“Right…” I sighed. “It’s Ryota.”
“Ryota?”
I only then realized that 34 didn’t know his name yet. “Uh, the cognac guy.”
“Oh, okay,” 34 replied. “What about him?”
I explained that he had texted me, how I had planned to ignore it, but then he showed up at my workplace and I was cornered into meeting him tomorrow.
“So?” He seemed completely unfazed.
“Uh…so…” I didn’t think he’d react so calmly. I suppose I didn’t expect anything at all, really.
“Meet with him.”
“Wh…Wait, really?” I was confused.
“Yeah.” His responses were brief but cordial, and they confused me even more.
“You’re not mad?” It was an odd question, I know. But I needed confirmation.
“Why would I be mad?” he chuckled. “You’re not obligated to tell me this.”
“…I’m not?”
“No. We’re not even dating.”
…We’re not? That response threw me off completely. We’re not even dating. The sentence ricocheted around in my head, and there was ringing in my ears.
“If you think this will bring closure, you should go,” he continued, still unfazed.
“O-Oh. Okay, then.” My voice became timid and embarrassed.
“If you need someone to talk to, you can always call me.” With that, our conversation was over.
What the hell was that? I didn’t want to regret telling him, but I was confused and hurt. Here I was, thinking we had something special. You're an idiot, Kokoro. I stared at my phone and tossed it on the bed. I couldn’t understand how he was the same man who had punched a guy because he refused to hear bad things about me. Or the same man who had soothed me and made me whole with his drink. Or the same man who had saved me from the same ex-boyfriend once before. Being in love really sucks. I let out a sigh. It felt somewhat like heartbreak…though, since he wasn’t under the impression that we were dating, I didn’t feel justified thinking that way. With nowhere to go or hide, my feelings just floated in the air, dangling limply.
--
“Thanks for meeting me.” Ryota got up from his seat at the counter to greet me.
“Gratitude accepted,” I said indifferently. He sure knew how to cause chaos in my life. I pulled out my own chair and took a seat. 34 would have pulled the seat out for me.
“Hope you don’t mind, I ordered you a gin and tonic.” He slid the drink over to me. “I remember you liked those.”
Actually, I DO mind. I don’t drink that unsophisticated shit anymore. I’m in love with his Sidecar. Thoughts of 34 weaved in and out of my mind. I couldn’t “cheat” on him with some cheap imitation of a drink like this gin and tonic. No, I was a slave to his magic elixir and I didn’t mind. At all.
I took the drink but refused to have it touch my lips. “Get to the point, because you only have an hour.”
“Of course,” Ryota began. “Long story short, it’s not working out.”
“What’s not working out?”
“Things with Nana.”
I paused for a moment. “…Oh, you mean the girl you had an affair with when you were engaged to me?” Let’s be very clear about that.
“Yeah.” He paused. “I proposed to her, but then I started feeling suffocated. She’s too needy and clingy, you know? I realized I could be myself when I’m with you.”
You have got to be kidding me.
“And you’re telling me this why?” The blood was starting to boil in my veins.
“Because I want to work this out with you again.” Ryota turned to face me. “I’m no good without you.”
I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. “Then, why did you propose to her?”
“It felt right at the time,” Ryota explained.
Excuse you.
“Oh, so when you proposed to me, it was because it ‘felt right at the time’, I see.”
“Kokoro, you’re twisting my words.”
“Am I?” I challenged. “You’re just running back to something comfortable. You’re running from commitment. I’m not your convenient solution or refuge.” Years’ worth of pain came spilling out.
“T-That’s not true,” Ryota stammered. She doesn’t get me like you do.”
I forcefully swallowed the lump in my throat. In my confusion, I took out my phone.
What are you doing right now? I hit ‘send’.
“Who are you writing to?” Ryota inquired.
“Is it any of your business?” My hands trembled slightly. “Not anymore, is it?”
“Kokoro, please. I left my pride at the door when I walked in to this bar tonight. Can’t you even consider it?”
Old wounds were starting to throb again. “You chose this,” I reminded him. “You chose to cheat on me, and you chose to leave.” It pained me to hear that truth again. This was nothing but emotional torture.
“I know, and I made a terrible mistake,” Ryota pleaded. “Please.”
“As we speak, you’re making the same choice, to cheat on your fiancée, to leave her like you left me.”
“No, I’m choosing you over her,” he begged, as if hearing that was supposed to make it all better.
You’ve got a lot of nerve. “No,” I rejected. “I can’t do this.”
“Why not?” he prodded.
I took a good look at him. By some divine intervention, I noticed shades and shadows of Shun in his words and demeanor. The resemblance terrified me. Had I been blind to his faults all along? My heart may have been fully invested in him in the past, but it wasn’t stupid enough to make the same mistakes again. Compatibility is everything. This gin and tonic no longer had a hold of me. 34 taught me that.
“Because you haven’t changed, Ryota. Not a single bit.”
“But I have! Give me another chance, please.” I felt uncomfortable seeing him pleading like this.
“If you have to defend yourself and say that you’ve changed, you probably haven’t.” I looked at him with distant eyes. “If that’s all you have to tell me, I think I’ll be leaving.”
“Kokoro.” He grabbed my wrist. His grip hurt. “I can’t let you do that.”
“Ow… stop it…!” I flung my arm away and managed to break free. “Bye, Ryota.” I had a bad feeling about this. Fear nudged me to make a call. I grabbed my phone and clicked the first person on my call log history: 34.
As I walked swiftly toward the door, I heard 34’s voice: “Hey.” Just then, I felt a firm grip on my arm. Ryota pulled me down to the hallway where the bathrooms were. There, he turned me around to face him and slammed me against the wall, his hands holding my wrists above my head.
“W-What are you doing?!” I tried to break free, but his grip was much more stubborn this time. I felt my hands growing cold from lack of circulation.
“If you aren’t going to be docile and comply, I guess I’ll have to use force.” Ryota’s eyes were full of vengeance and determination.
“S…top it…!” I turned my face away to avoid his kiss.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” he mocked. “Let’s be honest, we’re meant to be together.” He bunched my wrists into one hand and with the other, started groping my butt, pulling my hips toward him. I tried to break free again, but to no avail.
“Please, Ryota,” I whimpered. “Stop…” I closed my eyes in fear. I didn’t know what had gotten into him. It unnerved me to think he had this in him somewhere all along.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
I opened my eyes in disbelief. What…?
Caught red-handed, Ryota immediately pulled away, trying to avoid all blame. But when he saw who had called to him, he scoffed and walked over. “It’s you again.”
My nose picked up on it first, that dangerously erotic scent, citrus overtones dancing over robust, spicy amber. Then, my eyes. Those broad shoulders and beautiful frame, golden hair curling at the nape of his neck.
“34…?”
He stood in front of me, shielding me from Ryota. “Unfortunately for you, it’s me again.”
“Who the hell are you? Are you trying to get with my girl?” Ryota challenged.
But 34 kept his composure. “I’m her fiancé.”
“What the...” Ryota’s eyes swung back and forth between him and me.
“So it looks like she’s not your girl.” 34 hadn’t moved an inch, but from the tone of his voice, I could tell his eyes were cold.
Ryota’s attention shifted from 34 to me. “Kokoro, is this true?”
Hidden behind his back, I felt safe and secure. Though my heart was racing and I was holding back tears, I focused my energy to deliver one, assertive nod.
“But babe, we had such a good thing going,” Ryota continued begging. “This guy can’t treat you right.”
“And you still chose to leave her?” 34 let out a soft chuckle, then took a few steps toward Ryota and stood to his side. “If you couldn’t realize her worth when you had her, you don’t deserve to find out now.” 34 lowered his voice as his eyes moved to the side to take in Ryota’s reaction.
“You love her?” Ryota looked livid.
“I do,” 34 replied immediately.
Ryota scoffed. “Prove it.” As those words left his lips, a fist came flying in my direction. I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew, I heard sound of impact but didn’t feel a thing. I open my eyes and I see the same broad shoulders in front of me. 34’s head was tilted to one side, his breathing heavy.
“Oh, my god…!” I grabbed his arm and realized his hands were in fists, his muscles tense.
“Sir, I have to ask you to leave.” A security guard made his way to Ryota and pointed him toward the exit.
“You try laying another finger on her, and next time, I won’t be as nice.” 34 warned one last time.
After I saw Ryota leave the premises, I let out a big sigh. Suddenly, I felt faint. My legs gave way but 34 immediately caught me in his arms. I let my body fall into his, and as my head hit his shoulder, a fountain of tears streamed down my cheeks. There was a sense of relief, that I was completely safe now. I curled my fingers and clung to his jacket. I noticed his heart was racing, too, perhaps from the adrenaline, perhaps from something else. He didn’t say a word, but brought his arms fully around my back and held me close. He didn’t let go until I loosened my grip.
“Don’t worry me like that.” He took his fingers and gently combed back the hair in my face.
“S…orry…” I apologized.
He swept his fingers along my jawline to catch the tears that were about to fall to the ground.
“How did you know…?” I said between sobs.
“That you were in trouble? You texted me, didn’t you?” He brought his hand back to his jaw. His eyebrows flinched as he opened his mouth.
“…Oh, my god!” My hands immediately reached for the hand at his jaw. “Are you okay?” His left cheek had turned red from impact, and I could even make out the shape of Ryota’s fingers. I was afraid to touch his face. I didn’t want to hurt him more than I already had.
“I’m not that fragile,” he smiled softly.
“Why didn’t you hit him back?” Seeing the bruise taint his beautiful face pained my heart. He didn’t deserve the hit at all.
“What good would that have done?” he questioned. “If he and I both got kicked out of here, who’d take care of you?” He deliberately looked away at the wall behind me.
I choked on an inhale as the waterworks continued. The sincerity in his words was almost too much for me to accept.
“I rushed over as soon as I saw your text. When you called me, I was only a few blocks away.” He continued to look at the wall, as if he were giving me privacy to cry it all out.
“What…?” I recalled the phone conversation I had with him before. “But I never mentioned where we were meeting.”
Without meeting my eyes, he bit his lower lip and smiled. “I think you’re still underestimating my guessing skills.”
I brought a hand up to my lips and let out an audible exhale. You never cease to surprise me.
“Let’s get out of here.” He gave me space to walk toward the door, but my legs felt flimsy. I looked at him with puffy eyes. I understood that this is what it meant to want someone to take care of you. It was different from neediness; it was the ability to allow someone else to be good to you. Noticing immediately, he bent his arm and stuck out his elbow for me to hold. I curled my arm around his and held on tightly.
The wind hit my face as we stepped outside. I filled my lungs with fresh air, and it helped clear my head. I looked up at 34 and noticed something peculiar.
“Wait…”
“Hm?” He met my gaze.
“Why are you in your host clothes?” The top two buttons of his white, crisply ironed dress shirt were undone and his jacket fit snugly along his shoulders, arms, and torso, completing the suave look. His long, lean legs followed a straight line down to his black, leather shoes. I suddenly felt underdressed.
He let out a soft chuckle. “Where do you think I was when you texted me?”
My eyes widened apologetically. “I’m so sorry!” Akatsuki was nowhere near this neighborhood. I wondered how he got here so quickly.
“You’re lucky you’re no longer my client anymore,” he said as he pointed to a car parked along the curb, emergency lights flickering brightly. “I wouldn’t do this for any of them.”
It was the same Nissan X-Trail I remembered seeing in the parking lot of Akatsuki. He walked over to the car and opened the passenger seat door as I let his words sink in. So much had happened emotionally since I had last seen him. Although 34 had explicitly denied us dating, I couldn’t help but find myself more in love with him. As the cool breeze brushed against my cheeks, I recalled what had happened inside the bar. There was a first for everything, I thought. I’d never feared for my physical wellbeing as much as I had just moments ago, and only in movies had I seen a man getting punched in the face. And that hit was to protect me. This man had saved my life; but that, I knew wasn’t the first time.
“Come on,” he called to me.
I hesitated. Not only did I endanger him tonight, I had interrupted his work. He had already done so much; I couldn’t trouble him any further.
“Don’t you need to go back to work?” I politely declined the invitation, though I didn’t know where he would have taken me, anyway.
“Where do you think we’re going?” he chuckled as he placed his hands out toward the seat to escort me in.
“What…?” With a mind of their own, my feet shuffled toward his car. He closed the door behind me, the familiar interior welcoming me.
“I gotta head back. I’ve clients waiting.” He climbed into his seat and buckled his seatbelt.
“I’m really sorry…” I was. I felt horrible for troubling him.
“You’re not hurt, right?” He put the car in drive and we merged with the flow of traffic.
“No…” I said softly and apologetically.
Keeping his eyes on the road, he nodded and looked relieved. “That’s what matters.”
“34...” My heart ached. Sitting in the passenger’s seat, I had a clear line of vision of the bruise on his left cheek. “Why did you come tonight?”
“I’m surprised myself.” He took one hand off the wheel and combed his hair back.
“What do you mean?”
“Things like this usually don’t bother me.” We waited at a red light.
“What things?” I asked.
“You worried me the other day. On the phone.”
“…What?” I ransacked my brain to recall our conversation.
“You were meeting with someone who clearly never appreciated you. I didn’t trust him, and rightfully so.” He tapped his fingers lightly on the wheel to keep himself busy. That’s when I remembered that he, too, had hit someone.
“Um-” I wanted to ask about that, too, but he had more to say.
“I was scared tonight. When I got your text, I worried that he was making you feel uncomfortable. When I received your call, I could hear everything. I was ready to beat him to a pulp.” The light turned green and we made a left at the intersection. His voice was gentle but clearly agitated.
I realized that after I had made the call, I never got to hang up. “I’m sorry.” It seemed like the only proper response.
“But once I got there, I realized that my priority was not teaching him a lesson, but protecting you.” We waited at another red light. “That’s why I’ve got this.” He looked my way for a moment, smiled, and pointed to the bruise.
“…I’m so sorry,” I sighed regrettably. I knew no amount of apologizing would undo the bruise, but it was all I could say. Understanding now that he didn’t hit back in his effort to protect me, it might as well have been me who had punched him. I was responsible for this scar.
“You’re my first.” He grazed his lips with his forefinger and chuckled. “I’ve never taken a punch to protect someone before, let alone a woman.”
“I’m not proud of that.” I looked down feeling awful.
“What were you going to say earlier?” he asked.
“What?”
“When I was explaining how uneasy I felt about you seeing your ex,” he reminded. “You were about to say something.”
“Oh.” The thought suddenly reappeared in my head. “Um, is your hand okay?”
“Hm? What about it?” He looked at his palms, then the back of his hands.
“Well… that day when we all went bowling…” My thought trailed off, but he seemed to sense what I was hoping to ask.
“That blabbermouth.” 34 gave a look of disapproval.
“So, it’s true?”
He smiled at himself and sighed. “I give up.”
“Huh…?” I wasn’t following.
“It seems I can’t control my emotions when it comes to you, Miss 33.” 34 stretched his arms against the wheel.
“…Hm?” I still wasn’t following.
He kept his eyes glued to his own hands and remained quiet for a while. When the light turned green, he made another left turn onto a familiar street. He maneuvered the car down to the parking lot and reversed into an empty spot.
“Did you think this wouldn’t affect me?” He pulled up on the emergency brake, still not looking my way.
“What do you mean?” I asked timidly.
“That you were meeting up with your ex.”
“But… you told me that I should go, that I wasn’t obligated to tell y-”
“What if I didn’t show up tonight?” His voice turned stern.
“But you told me we weren’t even dating,” I responded. “After you left my place that morning, I thought we…” A lump in my throat stopped me from finishing my sentence.
“That we were dating?” he finished my thought for me. His voice was nonchalant and it felt like he wasn’t quite invested in the conversation. “We aren’t.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to remain calm. “Then… Then, you don’t have any right to be upset… do you?”
He laughed through his nose. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?” He scratched the back of his head, messing up the hair there. The agitated strands seemed to illustrate the emotions of his heart. Then, he finally turned to face me. “I have every right to be upset.”
I stared back at him. Behind those dark brown eyes, I could sense something dangerous, something boiling. Unable to understand what that could mean, I tried looking for other clues in his expression. Alas, he was too good at keeping his emotions under lock and key.
“Why’s that?” I managed to ask. “How come-”
His masculine fingers grabbed my right arm, just above the elbow, and pulled me toward him. Before I could make out what was happening, I found myself in his arms. A gasp escaped my lips.
“You frustrate me,” he whispered into my hair.
Taken by surprise, I couldn’t find any words.
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” His arms tightened around my shoulders. “I’m losing my mind here.”
…What?
“34…?”
“You’re on my mind all the time.” I could feel his breath on my neck. “It’s so frustrating.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. So, in response to his confessions, I brought my arms around to his back and nuzzled my face in his shoulder.
“This is all your fault,” 34 accused, but his voice had become sweet and drawn out, as if he were relieved. “What are you doing to me…”
A hand made its way to the nape of my neck and cradled my head. He exhaled deeply into my neck and it made my skin buzz from the heat.
“34…” I called to him softly.
“Mm?” He hadn’t moved an inch, and I could feel his deep voice reverberating inside his chest cavity.
“Your clients...”
The parking lot housed several vehicles but aside from us, was completely desolate. I knew I had interrupted his busy work schedule and now, I was aware that he wasn’t particularly happy about it. Even though I didn’t want to be alone just yet, I knew the right thing for me to do was let him get back to entertaining other women.
His nose nuzzled gently against my ear. “Can’t I stay like this for a little while longer?” A breathy, honeyed voice tickled my neck.
How was I to rebuke that? I smiled softly to myself as my fingers clung tightly to his jacket. Dating or not, it had become clear that feelings were mutual. Titles and things weren’t all that important. At least not now, not in this moment. And yet, by the end of the night, I would come to place a name on our relationship…