Bitchfest (Therapy)
So therapy isn't working... I came to a hault and to help move things along, my counselor thought it'd be beneficial to take some tests. I did the magic inkblot test! Turns out that I'm not too crazy, had a couple of psychotic episodes and they thought I was bipolar but other than that I get the full results on July 3rd. During the testing period, the doctor said that I had a weird view of sex and offered the suggestion that because of certain aspects of my responses, something sexual probably happened to me in childhood. He thought I might have dissociation disorder because of how I remember things.. the thing is, I don't remember much of anything emotional.
My counselor got a hold of this info and ran with it. So now she wants to focus on sexual abuse (that didn't occur) and had me read "The Courage To Heal." Alot of sources on the internet claim this book brainwashes some people into making up memories that didn't really happen. None of the book applied to me. The only reason I agreed to read the book is because I've been exposed to viewing porn since I was 4 years old. To my doctor that equates to being sexually abused. Fucked up in my opinion because I didn't go for therapy for that reason. I've been fighting that for the past 3 or 4 sessions.. I WAS NOT RAPED! But she swears I need to focus on it. In other words, time to quit therapy. I went there to focus on self-esteem (not related to sex) and depression/anxiety. According to medical studies, if viewing porn at a young age did anything to me, I'd be a drug addict, promiscuous (I didn't have sex until I was 24 and I've only been with 1 person), etc. Drugs are great but I'm not addicted to them. I spend more time defending myself in therapy than working through issues. Therapy was the only time I truly got to talk about my feelings/opinions. And I stopped writing in my journal over a year ago.
My counselor got a hold of this info and ran with it. So now she wants to focus on sexual abuse (that didn't occur) and had me read "The Courage To Heal." Alot of sources on the internet claim this book brainwashes some people into making up memories that didn't really happen. None of the book applied to me. The only reason I agreed to read the book is because I've been exposed to viewing porn since I was 4 years old. To my doctor that equates to being sexually abused. Fucked up in my opinion because I didn't go for therapy for that reason. I've been fighting that for the past 3 or 4 sessions.. I WAS NOT RAPED! But she swears I need to focus on it. In other words, time to quit therapy. I went there to focus on self-esteem (not related to sex) and depression/anxiety. According to medical studies, if viewing porn at a young age did anything to me, I'd be a drug addict, promiscuous (I didn't have sex until I was 24 and I've only been with 1 person), etc. Drugs are great but I'm not addicted to them. I spend more time defending myself in therapy than working through issues. Therapy was the only time I truly got to talk about my feelings/opinions. And I stopped writing in my journal over a year ago.