(no subject)
This weekend was fairly eventful. Not exactly constructive, but some cool stuff happened.
I absolutely went nuts on Friday. Hanging out with Nick and "playing" bluegrass. Sitting around Liz's house, and getting a CELL PHONE. Oh yeah. I got the boost hook up.
Harmonicas are great and I really want to learn to play more.
I also need to figure out what is wrong with my car.
I walked around Upward elementary school today with Cynthia and sat on the bus and it was cold and wet but I had fun. Then I got beaten at Battle Ship. And then Scrabble. But it was neat because I'd never really played before. That was terrific.
I'm sort of worried. I've have these moments of tortured self-reflection before but they seem to be getting more intense. I'm just really angry at myself for being scared and being drunk and having my mood and behavior altered by poison. It feels like the right thing to do at the time, but I can only hide for so long until a night like this comes along. I'm sick and nervous and despondant. I'm tired of seeing the sun rise when everyone else is asleep and I'm tired of being completely isolated and awake every night. I don't even think I can put into words how awful it is to feel like you are living a lie. And putting things off and shutting people out and being a wreck. And feeling emotions so intense, that a song has the power to crush me. I need to stop being so weak. And I intend to.
I absolutely went nuts on Friday. Hanging out with Nick and "playing" bluegrass. Sitting around Liz's house, and getting a CELL PHONE. Oh yeah. I got the boost hook up.
Harmonicas are great and I really want to learn to play more.
I also need to figure out what is wrong with my car.
I walked around Upward elementary school today with Cynthia and sat on the bus and it was cold and wet but I had fun. Then I got beaten at Battle Ship. And then Scrabble. But it was neat because I'd never really played before. That was terrific.
I'm sort of worried. I've have these moments of tortured self-reflection before but they seem to be getting more intense. I'm just really angry at myself for being scared and being drunk and having my mood and behavior altered by poison. It feels like the right thing to do at the time, but I can only hide for so long until a night like this comes along. I'm sick and nervous and despondant. I'm tired of seeing the sun rise when everyone else is asleep and I'm tired of being completely isolated and awake every night. I don't even think I can put into words how awful it is to feel like you are living a lie. And putting things off and shutting people out and being a wreck. And feeling emotions so intense, that a song has the power to crush me. I need to stop being so weak. And I intend to.