This one goes out to Daisy!

[amnesiac_owl]

I wrote FIC that’s right me! I wrote something and now those of you who, who have seen "Host Club" and like Slash will read it! So I guess that means Daisy... will read it? And maybe beta it so it sucks less, *Please*

I just want to say that this took me hours like four of them, god I am so freakin' slow.

So anyone who reads it be nice ^_^

Comments

Margi is willing, now that she's actually awake for once.

[silencesmasher]

First things first, Mag--you wrote! I'm so glad! You're head is always full of ideas and different twists and possibilities, but you never remember them...so I'm glad you wrote!

I should also point out that I've never seen/read Host Club so these characters are completely new to me. That said, I really do feel like I was able to see things from Tamaki's view. I felt bad for him--and was routing for him to speak his mind! But he didn't...which, from a plot standpoint, is okay, especially since your story leaves room for hope at the end.

Editing aside, I think you've written a strong viniette. Don't take that the wrong way; if you saw my writing in early drafts you'd wonder if english was my first language. My point about the editing is that it has very little to do with the ideas behind it--and since I've known you for a long time, it's easier to see your plot. If you want to work on editing it, I'd be more than happy to work with you. I know that a lot of times, when I edit my own work, I miss things because I know what I mean to say, and my mind puts it in automatically.

I'd like to see a bit more mention of setting. What's the club like? What else is in the bedroom besides the desk and bed? Nothing else? Or is their a hideous piece of decor...such as a "dancing frog table?" ;) What do Tamaki and Kyouya look like? I'm sure--since I'm guessing this is from a manga/anime, that you and anyone who knows Host Club knows what these characters look like...but you could have some fun describing them too...

For example, you might say something like, "Kyouya pushed his glasses upward along his ski-slope nose with his slender index finger as his brown eyes glanced wearily to Tamaki, before replying, "I'm saying no to your idea."

Just an example. I don't know if he has a ski-slope nose or brown eyes. But if Tamaki is saying he'd be hot without his glasses, is there something about his glasses that detracts from his attractiveness? Perhaps he has amazing eyes or maybe his eyebrows are more dramatic without frames right below them.

Mag--I think this is good. I am proud of you! Sorry it took me a few days to get to reading it--but trust me, if I'd read it when I was sleepy, I wouldn't have had anything to say!