(no subject)
Dear Prospective Employer:
I would like to express my interest in the considerably less than glamorous office peon position you are currently advertising on Craigslist, amidst the sea of missed connections and desperate men seeking casual encounters. Although your posting does not include the name of your organization, I can only assume it must be reputable, for you have passed my admittedly limited screening requirements by utilizing proper grammar and spelling.
I will be graduating this May from a prestigious private university with academic honors, tons of relevant work experience, and a resume that has priced me out of consideration for similar positions in the past, but I sincerely hope you can overlook this fact and place my credentials in the "yes and/or maybe" pile for immediate use.
My salary requirements are flexible, but include the astronomical $12,000 a year it will cost me to rent a poorly-appointed studio apartment somewhere in the outer suburbs of this wretched city. Also, until you tell me who you are, I feel it is unfair and unrealistic to press for exactly how much money I believe my skills and education are worth to you, as that is somewhat like asking for my bra size and list of past sexual conquests before you have informed me of your gender. Incidentally, I will be more than happy to provide any and all of these details in the future upon receipt of a signed offer of employment.
Thank you again for your time and consideration. My contact information is included, and my pleasant, welcoming, non-threatening voicemail recording will be eagerly awaiting your response.
Sincerely,
As-Yet-Unemployed Soon-To-Be College Grad