Ali, I can not explain how much you mean to me. Take care of yourself, always! Considering what is most prudent. Do what I do not and learn from my poor example. I may give good and wise advice but I clearly don’t live it. I am a soldier preaching peace and a whore declaring celibacy. I love you and want the best for you and I’m sure you feel the same. So bare with me as I push through this time of confusion and chaos. I may not be the best friend right now, and I may not be myself. I won't be as active and entertaining as everyone expects me to be but this time of pathetic behavior will pass. I will explain in more detail how I feel and where I’m at but if you read this before we talk I can sum it up in that I am in some form of reconstruction. I have no one to blame for the way I feel, I have emotional hurt but it is not real because the person(s) behind it have done nothing wrong. I need to get over my personal desires and flesh (what I want aside from what I know is best for me), and see what is best for me or what I need. Beyond even that I need to put together what I am and what I am not. I have learned a great deal about myself: how I react, how I work, how I live. But I have not separated the fake me; the façade in my character. I am taking the time to remove my blankets that cover my insecurities, I am sick of hiding so much I feel that cannot truly connect with anyone (intimately or friendship wise) until I ultimately purify the EGO. Aside from all that. I thought I might mention that a true intimate relationship is what I desire as of now. A true and pure connection with someone that feels just as I do (stands at the same point in life, not necessarily has the same views). Or that understands themself fully and is prepared to risk their identity (so to speak) for love. It is complicated to explain and psychology explains it as the former comment underlined, but if I had to phrase it differently it would merely state that I want to find a person that understands who they are and is comfortable with it. Then they are prepared to truly learn about someone else and connect with them. Because they fully understand who they are and as the two grow together, they begin to learn about each other. And therefore grow from each other. That last paragraph is my definition of friendship. Not necessarily the point at which friendship begins but the ultimate goal to reach new understandings. Once that goal is reached those two people (in my belief) are on a totally different level as friends. I have reached that level with one person I my understanding. We see each other for what we are and no more or no less. He sees more in me than I can commonly see in myself. I have many other close friends that I feel are beginning to reach the same point with me. Mind you, that does not mean they come to my level, I am not that arrogant; but it means that we grow together and learn together each at different points but none higher than the other. It is a point of understanding between one person and another and not a level of intelligence. And beyond friendship comes another level, no higher than the last but different. It usually precedes friendship. That is intimacy Something different in every way, but reached by the same means I can’t explain the difference behind friendship and intimacy Except that it is a feeling unguided by logic or reason
One could assume if they had been in a former relationship with me that they lacked the qualities or say understanding I spoke of. That is not true. I have been in a relationship with a person that exhibited everything I spoke of and I was thrilled but they did not reciprocate the affection I had for them. It was lost and confused and heart broken, but it is that that I must get over and learn from and move on. As deeply as anyone may read into this I will add for that specific person: if I was wrong or misunderstood please tell me otherwise because my love for you will not fade. And if all else is lost I will be your friend until my time halts because I can see no other way to love you. p.s. Ali sorry for spending so much of your space on this rant. Peace Out! <>AMMON<>
Aside from all that. I thought I might mention that a true intimate relationship is what I desire as of now. A true and pure connection with someone that feels just as I do (stands at the same point in life, not necessarily has the same views). Or that understands themself fully and is prepared to risk their identity (so to speak) for love. It is complicated to explain and psychology explains it as the former comment underlined, but if I had to phrase it differently it would merely state that I want to find a person that understands who they are and is comfortable with it. Then they are prepared to truly learn about someone else and connect with them. Because they fully understand who they are and as the two grow together, they begin to learn about each other. And therefore grow from each other.
That last paragraph is my definition of friendship. Not necessarily the point at which friendship begins but the ultimate goal to reach new understandings. Once that goal is reached those two people (in my belief) are on a totally different level as friends. I have reached that level with one person I my understanding. We see each other for what we are and no more or no less. He sees more in me than I can commonly see in myself. I have many other close friends that I feel are beginning to reach the same point with me. Mind you, that does not mean they come to my level, I am not that arrogant; but it means that we grow together and learn together each at different points but none higher than the other. It is a point of understanding between one person and another and not a level of intelligence.
And beyond friendship comes another level, no higher than the last but different. It usually precedes friendship.
That is intimacy
Something different in every way, but reached by the same means
I can’t explain the difference behind friendship and intimacy
Except that it is a feeling unguided by logic or reason
One could assume if they had been in a former relationship with me that they lacked the qualities or say understanding I spoke of. That is not true. I have been in a relationship with a person that exhibited everything I spoke of and I was thrilled but they did not reciprocate the affection I had for them. It was lost and confused and heart broken, but it is that that I must get over and learn from and move on. As deeply as anyone may read into this I will add for that specific person: if I was wrong or misunderstood please tell me otherwise because my love for you will not fade. And if all else is lost I will be your friend until my time halts because I can see no other way to love you.
p.s. Ali sorry for spending so much of your space on this rant. Peace Out!
<>AMMON<>
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