The Bet
Title: The Bet
Verse: Defining Fate (Original) (Character info here, verse info here.)
Characters/Pairing: Artaith, Calandria, Kieran, hint of Emerich
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild language, sexual innuendos
Disclaimer: Mine? Mine!
Summary: Artaith's hospitality has a breaking point. So does Kieran. Be careful what you offer to do in anger.
Table/Prompt: Quotes - "Be Great In Act As You Have Been In Thought" (Shakespeare) (mission_insane)
A/N: Ave Maria mentions an argument that turns into a bet. I decided to write it out for fun, but it grew a mind of its own. Although this is the official "start" of that story, it can be read on its own.
Artaith liked to view herself as a liberated woman. After all, she had witnessed every feminist revolution of the last 900 years. As a liberated woman, she felt free enough to admit that she didn’t mind cooking and cleaning. While she was certain that the kitchen was far from the natural female habitat, she didn’t see the harm in housework. She was even liberated enough to realize that, at times, she found It soothing to prepare a meal for friends and family.
She was also liberated enough to shove her foot up the ass of the family that was currently taking advantage of her hospitality.
Eight hours ago, the kitchen had been spotless, the shelves had been stocked and the refrigerator had been full. Six hours ago, Artaith had settled into bed to get some sleep. Three hours ago, she was pretty sure that she heard Calandria and Kieran enter the house with the key she gave them. However, she didn’t think anything of it as she rolled over and went back to sleep. Five minutes ago, she came downstairs to find the aftermath of a natural disaster.
“What. The hell.” Eloquence when surprised had never been her strong point.
Most of the cabinets were open, their contents spilling out onto the counters. Every surface was covered with food debris, packaging and kitchen utensils. All four of the stove’s burners had a dirty pot or pan on them and the microwave handle was caked in a strange black residue. It was fair to guess that the most nutritious thing left in the refrigerator was a box of expired baking soda.
At the center of it all was the kitchen table, which was covered in cups and plates. Sprawled out in chairs with their head resting atop the mess were the eyes of the storm.
“Huh? Oh, hey Tai.” Calandria lifted her head wearily off the table and peered at her friend through half-lidded eyes.
Blinking sleepily, Kieran added, “You’re up early.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat before reaching down and removing a spoon from underneath his left thigh. Frowning, he tossed it towards the sink, only to miss. It clattered across the linoleum floor before stopping at Artaith’s feet. “Hey, could you get that for me?”
“Yeah, and could you maybe wash a pan or something? You don’t have any clean ones left.” Calandria smiled hopefully.
“And you’re out of eggs. I dropped a couple, so there’s a bunch of goop over there that you’re going to have to clean up.” Kieran gestured towards the other side of the room.
“You know what would be really good? Chocolate cake. Do you think you could make one later? I’d do it, but I always burn them…”
Artaith closed her eyes and drew a deep, calming breath. She reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before gently massaging her temples. She even counted to ten before attempting to speak. All of the light bulbs in the kitchen still exploded before she could say a word.
“Hey Tai, is something bothering you? ‘Cause that usually happens when you’re upset. You should probably calm down before you try and change those.” Kieran’s eyebrow arched as he stared quizzically at the woman.
“Shut up. Just… shut up. I don’t know where to begin explaining what was wrong with that statement.” Artaith’s jaw clenched irritably. “Or this picture in general.” She jerked her thumb towards the closest pile of trash.
“Tai, calm down. Kieran and I just wanted a snack and somewhere to crash after the bars closed. Your place was closer than either of ours and you’ve never had a problem with it before…” There was genuine sympathy in Calandria’s voice.
“That’s because I’m a nice. Freaking. Person.” The last words were more hissed than spoken.
Kieran looked doubtful. He started to comment, though only managed to squeak out, “Ni…?” before Calandria leapt out of her chair and reached across the table, covering his mouth with her hand.
“We can take care of this, Tai. Don’t worry about it.” Calandria flashed a guilty smile, slowly removing her hand.
“Yeah, it’s not like this is a lot. I mean, most housewives take care of twice this much while chasing around their children.” Shrugging nonchalantly, Kieran glanced around.
Artaith’s liberation was ready to break more than a light bulb. “Kieran, when was the last time you cleaned anything?”
“I clean my flat all the time!” He crossed his arms defensively.
Wrinkling her nose at a memory, Calandria muttered, “It doesn’t smell like you do.”
Turning to glare at her, the man hissed, “Hey, whose side are you on anyway?”
“There aren’t any sides, dumbass. Your apartment smells like a foot.” She rolled her eyes and began to pick up the plates littering the table.
“Oh, like yours smells any better,” he countered, chuckling.
“Hey! My apartment smells just fine!” She smirked mischievously. “Besides, aren’t gay men suppose to be, you know, clean?”
“Oh, I’ll show you clean…” Without warning, Kieran reached down and grabbed a spoon off of the table. He scooped some leftover food off of a plate and quickly aimed it towards Calandria before flinging the congealed mess at her.
The mass of food stopped in midair before floating gently over to the sink and depositing itself into the garbage disposal. Both Kieran and Calandria turned to look at Artaith, simultaneously noting the displeased expression on her face.
“Both of you shut your mouths and start cleaning. Now.” Her fists were clenched at her sides.
“Oh, like you’d win housewife of the year, Tai? I found something fuzzy in the Tupperware at the back of your refrigerator. When was the last time you cleaned it out?” Kieran snorted as he picked up a fork.
“I was a housewife two hundred years before the spinning wheel was invented!” Artaith scowled, shaking her head.
“What did you do, sweep the hovel? You didn’t even have any kids to take care of.” Idly, Kieran began to take the silverware over to the sink.
Artaith winced inwardly at the comment. She knew that Kieran didn’t mean to make a low blow. She had never bothered to actually tell him what her mortal life had been like. If anything, now was the time to explain it all to him. It was the only sensible thing to do.
“It was sure as hell harder than being a whore!”
Sensibility when upset had also never been her strong point.
Kieran took a step back, looking visibly stunned. However, the hurt on his face quickly turned to anger. “You know Tai, now you’re just talking out of your ass.”
“It’s better than having something shoved it in!” Artaith sneered, looking vaguely disgusted. “How hard is it to get on your knees, open your mouth and spread your legs?”
“Oh yes, obviously that’s all that’s involved!” Kieran’s eyes narrowed, glaring at the slender woman. “I bet you wouldn’t even try to understand if you had the chance.”
“Yes, like you obviously tried to understand that’s it really freaking inconsiderate to make a mess in someone’s house and just leave it there! I bet that you couldn’t spend three hours cleaning up after yourself.”
“I bet that I could do that with a hell of a lot less effort than it would take for you to spend three hours doing something nice for a working girl.”
“What, I bring them coffee while you clean the house?” Artaith snorted. “I think I have the better end of the deal.” She pointed downwards. “The buckets are in the cabinet.”
“Fine then. I’ll get out of your way so that you can brew some coffee.”
“Fine. You can start cleaning the egg you spilled.”
“Fine. I think I will.”
“Well fine then.”
“Fine!”
“FINE!”
Both Artaith and Kieran turned to look at Calandria who was grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, I was feeling left out.” She made a shooing gesture towards both of them. “Uh, don’t mind me. Carry on.”
“You know what, Kieran? I don’t want to be inconsiderate and get in your way, so I’ll just buy the coffee.” Without another word, Artaith stormed out of the kitchen. With jerky motions, she grabbed her coat from the hook in the hallway. Tugging it on, she reached for the keys in the pocket.
A few moments later, the front door slammed shut behind her.
Letting out a growl of frustration, Kieran walked over to the cabinet and yanked it open. The buckets were there, but there were no sponges. Muttering irritably, he stomped out of the kitchen as well.
Calandria sighed and leaned a hip against the table before closing her eyes, only to open them again a moment later when she heard footsteps in the doorway.
Looking around with a puzzled expression, Emerich asked, “Did I miss something?”
Verse: Defining Fate (Original) (Character info here, verse info here.)
Characters/Pairing: Artaith, Calandria, Kieran, hint of Emerich
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild language, sexual innuendos
Disclaimer: Mine? Mine!
Summary: Artaith's hospitality has a breaking point. So does Kieran. Be careful what you offer to do in anger.
Table/Prompt: Quotes - "Be Great In Act As You Have Been In Thought" (Shakespeare) (mission_insane)
A/N: Ave Maria mentions an argument that turns into a bet. I decided to write it out for fun, but it grew a mind of its own. Although this is the official "start" of that story, it can be read on its own.
Artaith liked to view herself as a liberated woman. After all, she had witnessed every feminist revolution of the last 900 years. As a liberated woman, she felt free enough to admit that she didn’t mind cooking and cleaning. While she was certain that the kitchen was far from the natural female habitat, she didn’t see the harm in housework. She was even liberated enough to realize that, at times, she found It soothing to prepare a meal for friends and family.
She was also liberated enough to shove her foot up the ass of the family that was currently taking advantage of her hospitality.
Eight hours ago, the kitchen had been spotless, the shelves had been stocked and the refrigerator had been full. Six hours ago, Artaith had settled into bed to get some sleep. Three hours ago, she was pretty sure that she heard Calandria and Kieran enter the house with the key she gave them. However, she didn’t think anything of it as she rolled over and went back to sleep. Five minutes ago, she came downstairs to find the aftermath of a natural disaster.
“What. The hell.” Eloquence when surprised had never been her strong point.
Most of the cabinets were open, their contents spilling out onto the counters. Every surface was covered with food debris, packaging and kitchen utensils. All four of the stove’s burners had a dirty pot or pan on them and the microwave handle was caked in a strange black residue. It was fair to guess that the most nutritious thing left in the refrigerator was a box of expired baking soda.
At the center of it all was the kitchen table, which was covered in cups and plates. Sprawled out in chairs with their head resting atop the mess were the eyes of the storm.
“Huh? Oh, hey Tai.” Calandria lifted her head wearily off the table and peered at her friend through half-lidded eyes.
Blinking sleepily, Kieran added, “You’re up early.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat before reaching down and removing a spoon from underneath his left thigh. Frowning, he tossed it towards the sink, only to miss. It clattered across the linoleum floor before stopping at Artaith’s feet. “Hey, could you get that for me?”
“Yeah, and could you maybe wash a pan or something? You don’t have any clean ones left.” Calandria smiled hopefully.
“And you’re out of eggs. I dropped a couple, so there’s a bunch of goop over there that you’re going to have to clean up.” Kieran gestured towards the other side of the room.
“You know what would be really good? Chocolate cake. Do you think you could make one later? I’d do it, but I always burn them…”
Artaith closed her eyes and drew a deep, calming breath. She reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before gently massaging her temples. She even counted to ten before attempting to speak. All of the light bulbs in the kitchen still exploded before she could say a word.
“Hey Tai, is something bothering you? ‘Cause that usually happens when you’re upset. You should probably calm down before you try and change those.” Kieran’s eyebrow arched as he stared quizzically at the woman.
“Shut up. Just… shut up. I don’t know where to begin explaining what was wrong with that statement.” Artaith’s jaw clenched irritably. “Or this picture in general.” She jerked her thumb towards the closest pile of trash.
“Tai, calm down. Kieran and I just wanted a snack and somewhere to crash after the bars closed. Your place was closer than either of ours and you’ve never had a problem with it before…” There was genuine sympathy in Calandria’s voice.
“That’s because I’m a nice. Freaking. Person.” The last words were more hissed than spoken.
Kieran looked doubtful. He started to comment, though only managed to squeak out, “Ni…?” before Calandria leapt out of her chair and reached across the table, covering his mouth with her hand.
“We can take care of this, Tai. Don’t worry about it.” Calandria flashed a guilty smile, slowly removing her hand.
“Yeah, it’s not like this is a lot. I mean, most housewives take care of twice this much while chasing around their children.” Shrugging nonchalantly, Kieran glanced around.
Artaith’s liberation was ready to break more than a light bulb. “Kieran, when was the last time you cleaned anything?”
“I clean my flat all the time!” He crossed his arms defensively.
Wrinkling her nose at a memory, Calandria muttered, “It doesn’t smell like you do.”
Turning to glare at her, the man hissed, “Hey, whose side are you on anyway?”
“There aren’t any sides, dumbass. Your apartment smells like a foot.” She rolled her eyes and began to pick up the plates littering the table.
“Oh, like yours smells any better,” he countered, chuckling.
“Hey! My apartment smells just fine!” She smirked mischievously. “Besides, aren’t gay men suppose to be, you know, clean?”
“Oh, I’ll show you clean…” Without warning, Kieran reached down and grabbed a spoon off of the table. He scooped some leftover food off of a plate and quickly aimed it towards Calandria before flinging the congealed mess at her.
The mass of food stopped in midair before floating gently over to the sink and depositing itself into the garbage disposal. Both Kieran and Calandria turned to look at Artaith, simultaneously noting the displeased expression on her face.
“Both of you shut your mouths and start cleaning. Now.” Her fists were clenched at her sides.
“Oh, like you’d win housewife of the year, Tai? I found something fuzzy in the Tupperware at the back of your refrigerator. When was the last time you cleaned it out?” Kieran snorted as he picked up a fork.
“I was a housewife two hundred years before the spinning wheel was invented!” Artaith scowled, shaking her head.
“What did you do, sweep the hovel? You didn’t even have any kids to take care of.” Idly, Kieran began to take the silverware over to the sink.
Artaith winced inwardly at the comment. She knew that Kieran didn’t mean to make a low blow. She had never bothered to actually tell him what her mortal life had been like. If anything, now was the time to explain it all to him. It was the only sensible thing to do.
“It was sure as hell harder than being a whore!”
Sensibility when upset had also never been her strong point.
Kieran took a step back, looking visibly stunned. However, the hurt on his face quickly turned to anger. “You know Tai, now you’re just talking out of your ass.”
“It’s better than having something shoved it in!” Artaith sneered, looking vaguely disgusted. “How hard is it to get on your knees, open your mouth and spread your legs?”
“Oh yes, obviously that’s all that’s involved!” Kieran’s eyes narrowed, glaring at the slender woman. “I bet you wouldn’t even try to understand if you had the chance.”
“Yes, like you obviously tried to understand that’s it really freaking inconsiderate to make a mess in someone’s house and just leave it there! I bet that you couldn’t spend three hours cleaning up after yourself.”
“I bet that I could do that with a hell of a lot less effort than it would take for you to spend three hours doing something nice for a working girl.”
“What, I bring them coffee while you clean the house?” Artaith snorted. “I think I have the better end of the deal.” She pointed downwards. “The buckets are in the cabinet.”
“Fine then. I’ll get out of your way so that you can brew some coffee.”
“Fine. You can start cleaning the egg you spilled.”
“Fine. I think I will.”
“Well fine then.”
“Fine!”
“FINE!”
Both Artaith and Kieran turned to look at Calandria who was grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, I was feeling left out.” She made a shooing gesture towards both of them. “Uh, don’t mind me. Carry on.”
“You know what, Kieran? I don’t want to be inconsiderate and get in your way, so I’ll just buy the coffee.” Without another word, Artaith stormed out of the kitchen. With jerky motions, she grabbed her coat from the hook in the hallway. Tugging it on, she reached for the keys in the pocket.
A few moments later, the front door slammed shut behind her.
Letting out a growl of frustration, Kieran walked over to the cabinet and yanked it open. The buckets were there, but there were no sponges. Muttering irritably, he stomped out of the kitchen as well.
Calandria sighed and leaned a hip against the table before closing her eyes, only to open them again a moment later when she heard footsteps in the doorway.
Looking around with a puzzled expression, Emerich asked, “Did I miss something?”