Final Ode
Dear Matt,
After much thought and a lot of revision, I think that I can finally put it all into words.
I know you're tired of hearing it, but you keep coming back to my lj for some weird reason, so this can put the "fin" on it for me, since I know my friends are saying "thank god she'll finally shut up." You really hurt me, but I believed you when you clearly said you werent going to go be with another girl and that we might get back together. I felt crushed, but I thought all along you really felt just as bad as I did. I believed that what you said was true, that if I wasn't your friend anymore you really would be crushed. There was this little glimmer that maybe you still had to rely on me for something, something to make you feel better. I hoped that the pains of stress, anxiety and sadness that led me to losing weight over this time would be nothing compared to what could be.
I was really, really mistaken about all these things, you have made this much apparent. You were just saying what you thought I wanted to hear, trying not to make it as harsh as it really was, but lets face it. You blew our relationship off for another girl. I can accept that now, now that I realize you really didnt mean the friend thing, and that you really enjoy being apathetic about it all. What bothers me more is that, would I be happier knowing that you didn't want me anymore or be completely oblivious to it all? Would I be happier if we had stayed together? I realize now, that it's a big fat no. My only solice is that when your new foreign flame leaves in a year or so, you might feel how I did, you might get sick even thinking of laughing. Did.
The best part about it all is that "did," because I've had my coping time and I'm over it. I'm over caring about you like I did, I'm over wanting to see you and make things better. I'm over caring about your life and any aspect, and I'm over trying to have some normal relationship with you. Its not going to work for me, which I hope you can see my point of view through this all, because I know thats something of a weak spot for you. I tried to make things work, to drive out and see you and go out, to movies and dinner and with my friends and even to the festival, all that for being blown off for some other girl. It's okay though, I've come to the reality that you just don't care, and the funny part is? I don't either, not anymore. This is the last time I'm writing about you in this pointless thing and speaking about you to my friends, who consider you mostly a douche now anyways.
♥ the person who asked if you really felt bad about the after "us" and saw right through your bullshit when you said "yea,"
Amber.
After much thought and a lot of revision, I think that I can finally put it all into words.
I know you're tired of hearing it, but you keep coming back to my lj for some weird reason, so this can put the "fin" on it for me, since I know my friends are saying "thank god she'll finally shut up." You really hurt me, but I believed you when you clearly said you werent going to go be with another girl and that we might get back together. I felt crushed, but I thought all along you really felt just as bad as I did. I believed that what you said was true, that if I wasn't your friend anymore you really would be crushed. There was this little glimmer that maybe you still had to rely on me for something, something to make you feel better. I hoped that the pains of stress, anxiety and sadness that led me to losing weight over this time would be nothing compared to what could be.
I was really, really mistaken about all these things, you have made this much apparent. You were just saying what you thought I wanted to hear, trying not to make it as harsh as it really was, but lets face it. You blew our relationship off for another girl. I can accept that now, now that I realize you really didnt mean the friend thing, and that you really enjoy being apathetic about it all. What bothers me more is that, would I be happier knowing that you didn't want me anymore or be completely oblivious to it all? Would I be happier if we had stayed together? I realize now, that it's a big fat no. My only solice is that when your new foreign flame leaves in a year or so, you might feel how I did, you might get sick even thinking of laughing. Did.
The best part about it all is that "did," because I've had my coping time and I'm over it. I'm over caring about you like I did, I'm over wanting to see you and make things better. I'm over caring about your life and any aspect, and I'm over trying to have some normal relationship with you. Its not going to work for me, which I hope you can see my point of view through this all, because I know thats something of a weak spot for you. I tried to make things work, to drive out and see you and go out, to movies and dinner and with my friends and even to the festival, all that for being blown off for some other girl. It's okay though, I've come to the reality that you just don't care, and the funny part is? I don't either, not anymore. This is the last time I'm writing about you in this pointless thing and speaking about you to my friends, who consider you mostly a douche now anyways.
♥ the person who asked if you really felt bad about the after "us" and saw right through your bullshit when you said "yea,"
Amber.