My depressing thoughts
...or not, I don't know, but I'm feeling really miserable right now e.e
I've thought it many times, If I ever want to feel like shit or if I ever need someone to ground me to Earth because I've been arrogant, there's no one who could to that the way my parents do it.
Like, seriously, no one can hurt me the way they do and it's stressing and depressing because I try to do something good for me and something they have asked me to do *excercise* and I'm so happy like "Hey! I'm going to do some exercise at school with some friends! :D" and the first thing my dad says "...that doesn't make any sense", so, he starts with his speech that it's stupid that I go to school to do that when I have a bike in my home *never mind that it's almost impossible for me to do it because it's BORING for me* that if HE can do it and find the motivation to use it, I SHOULD. So I go from being all "yeaaaah! I'm going to do something for me and my health!" I go to "...fuck this shit, I don't care anymore" and that may be the saddest thing because if I had the motivation to do and care for my health, then they make me go all "...well, then I wouldn't mind to die" and yeah, well...
The thing is...feelings suck, truly, feeling stuff, whatever fucking emotion sucks, specially because my parents take care of making me feeling like I'm useless, stupid, unworthy and BAD about myself like 363 days in a year and the other 2 days are more like, how could I be better than I am now, so yeah...
And right now I'm feeling terrible because it might seem a stupid reason for feeling so sad and bad and the need to destroy and yell, but it really happens for EVERYTHING, Gosh, I'm scared about showing them my grades and my lowest grade was 82! And why I'm scared? Because they'll go on an amazing speech of "why you had such a low grade when your dad scored 99 in his master's degree" so, yeah...
So, I'm feeling sad, angry, miserable, I want to kill someone or just destroy my fucking room, I want to hit something *although I already did* and I needed to let it all out in a healthy way, specially since my mom just gave me an hour speech about "how I should be grateful with them and with everyone and that it's important what I have to say or want to say and that they will listen to me" WELL, BULLSHIT.
I just, I don't know what to do anymore because then I think about all the stuff I used to think when I was a child and I realise that nothing has changed that much, if anything, I changed the "God, please, I want to die" to "I need to get the hell out of here", at least I want to live...or something like that...
I've thought it many times, If I ever want to feel like shit or if I ever need someone to ground me to Earth because I've been arrogant, there's no one who could to that the way my parents do it.
Like, seriously, no one can hurt me the way they do and it's stressing and depressing because I try to do something good for me and something they have asked me to do *excercise* and I'm so happy like "Hey! I'm going to do some exercise at school with some friends! :D" and the first thing my dad says "...that doesn't make any sense", so, he starts with his speech that it's stupid that I go to school to do that when I have a bike in my home *never mind that it's almost impossible for me to do it because it's BORING for me* that if HE can do it and find the motivation to use it, I SHOULD. So I go from being all "yeaaaah! I'm going to do something for me and my health!" I go to "...fuck this shit, I don't care anymore" and that may be the saddest thing because if I had the motivation to do and care for my health, then they make me go all "...well, then I wouldn't mind to die" and yeah, well...
The thing is...feelings suck, truly, feeling stuff, whatever fucking emotion sucks, specially because my parents take care of making me feeling like I'm useless, stupid, unworthy and BAD about myself like 363 days in a year and the other 2 days are more like, how could I be better than I am now, so yeah...
And right now I'm feeling terrible because it might seem a stupid reason for feeling so sad and bad and the need to destroy and yell, but it really happens for EVERYTHING, Gosh, I'm scared about showing them my grades and my lowest grade was 82! And why I'm scared? Because they'll go on an amazing speech of "why you had such a low grade when your dad scored 99 in his master's degree" so, yeah...
So, I'm feeling sad, angry, miserable, I want to kill someone or just destroy my fucking room, I want to hit something *although I already did* and I needed to let it all out in a healthy way, specially since my mom just gave me an hour speech about "how I should be grateful with them and with everyone and that it's important what I have to say or want to say and that they will listen to me" WELL, BULLSHIT.
I just, I don't know what to do anymore because then I think about all the stuff I used to think when I was a child and I realise that nothing has changed that much, if anything, I changed the "God, please, I want to die" to "I need to get the hell out of here", at least I want to live...or something like that...