Warm Bread
Title: Warm Bread
Fandom: Downton Abbey
Rating/Genre: g/gen
Characters/Pairing: Anna, Daisy; Anna/Bates
Summary: Mr. Bates has revealed his past and Anna can’t sleep. A little late night chat with Daisy helps her see things more clearly.
Word count: 1 241
Spoilers/Warnings: No
Notes: Based on episode 6 but nothing really spoilery in here!
It is late and everyone should be in bed. It isn’t like anyone can ever sleep in, and the sleeping hours are precious to everybody.
And yet Anna is awake. Gwen fell asleep so quickly in the bed beside hers, breathing peacefully, but Anna can’t sleep. It doesn’t matter if she closes her eyes or not; her head is spinning and she can’t forget how close they were standing. Their fingers had been touching - and not accidentally touching - and she had felt warmth radiating from his body ready to cover hers in a strong embrace… But nothing had happened. She had seen the sadness in his eyes and all the good in him, and hunger, too… But the moment had been broken by some insignificant intruder and she had run off like a scared little animal runs from a hunter.
She doesn’t know why she ran. Anna isn’t afraid. She told him before that she was going to tell the world that he was innocent if he didn’t want to say it himself, and she has told him once that she loves him. Anna isn’t afraid… But there was always something in his eyes that was holding her back.
She never understood it before but she knows now that he believes that he is not worthy of her love, of any woman’s love. He believes that he is damaged goods because of his past, not worthy of good people’s company.
She knows that he is strong-willed and intelligent. She just can’t get it; why does he look upon himself like that?
Anna can’t sleep and she gets up from the bed and goes down to the kitchen to drink a glass of water.
To her surprise, Daisy is there, humming quietly some old folk tune.
“Daisy,” Anna says, softly as to not startle the girl, “what are you doing here? It’s late, you should be in bed.”
As should I, she acknowledges silently.
“I’ll go to sleep soon,” Daisy says, “I just have to finish this first. Mrs. Patmore said so… it’s for breakfast. It’s my own fault, I should have made sure she didn’t mix up the ingredients anymore -“
“It’s not your fault,” Anna interrupts Daisy’s explanation, “that Mrs. Patmore is loosing her eyesight. She shouldn’t take it out on you the way she does. Come on, I’ll help you with that.”
The dough is ready to be baked and they knead it together and then they put the breads on the baking plate.
Anna thinks about how her mother always said that doing something with your hands helps you take your mind off things and instead of fruitless brooding you’ll actually get something useful done. So always make sure you’re properly occupied with something.
She would like to tell her mother that she was wrong. Working the dough with Daisy doesn’t help her at all. She is still thinking about everything and she can’t stop herself from voicing some of her thoughts.
“Mr. Bates is a good man, you know…”
“I know!” Daisy blushes and doesn’t look at her. “I know he is, he’s just as good as Mr. Carson, really… I’m sorry about what I did, I really am, Anna…”
“Of course you are,” Anna replies, “I know, and he knows, so don’t beat yourself up about it. What I’d like to know is why O’Brien and Thomas hate him so much…”
Daisy stops kneading. She has flour on her face and her eyes are tired but sparkling with thoughts.
“They are too mean to him, aren’t they?” she says slowly and she suddenly looks so sad. Anna has to ask herself why no one ever has tried to talk some sense into Daisy when it comes to Thomas. Sure, no one wants to ruin her blue-eyed innocence, but being to blue-eyed will only hurt her in the long run, won’t it?
“Yes,” she says firmly as she slaps the dough with the palm of her hand a little too hard, “you know that he is a good man and it was very badly done to try to frame him.”
“But that’s exactly it, isn’t it?”
Daisy shakes her head as if it is all clear to her.
“You’re right… I don’t know why Thomas asked me to say those things but… I know that whatever anyone does or says to Mr. Bates, he never fights back, does he? That’s because he’s a good man, he’s a kind man and he doesn’t hate anybody. He turns the other cheek when people are mean to him and that’s why they keep doing it… But I’m thinking that one of these days he will say or do something that will make us all ashamed and wonder why he never wants revenge.”
“Oh Daisy,” Anna sighs, “You’re more right than you know…”
Revenge, she thinks, would be so easy. Already that incident with the snuff box could have ended differently. And he could have told Carson who the real thief was. But he didn’t.
She knows the answer now: He doesn’t hate. He reaches out his hand, again and again, but only to a certain degree. He wants to do good to his fellow men but he doesn’t believe that he deserves any good in return. Many other men would just take what they want without asking whether they deserve it or not, and more often than not they don’t deserve it as much as they think. But the man who is more worthy of getting what he wants than anyone, he takes nothing for himself.
The kitchen smells of bread and tomorrow’s breakfast is saved.
“Thank you, Daisy,” Anna says.
“What for? I should be thanking you for helping me…”
“No,” Anna says as they put the bread away, “you made me think about a few things… I’m only sorry Mr. Bates wasn’t here to hear what you said about him.”
She smiles at the younger girl who sighs heavily with languishing eyes.
“Oh Anna, if only Thomas spoke of me with that tone of voice! You’re really fond of Mr. Bates, aren’t you, Anna?”
“Maybe I am,” Anna admits. “Goodnight, Daisy.”
Anna wonders how it is possible that the girl can be aware of such things, like Mr. Bates’ character and Anna’s feelings for him, but still be so blind about Thomas
But then she thinks that it probably isn’t so strange after all, because we never see ourselves the way other people see us and we never see ourselves clearly. Anna realises that the man she loves has a very good eye for the qualities of other people but for some reason he can only see the bad in himself.
Anna decides that she just has to make him stop looking at himself at all. She will make him look only at her. And then when he’s looking into her eyes, maybe he will see his own reflection in there and he will realise that she sees him the way he is, and she loves what she sees. And if she can love him, why can’t he? Anna understands that he can only accept her love if he learns to love himself first. And she will love him, relentlessly, until he has no choice but to see the truth of her feelings.
Anna and Daisy leave the kitchen, put the light out and go to bed.
Anna falls asleep this time, firmly believing that she will succeed.
Fandom: Downton Abbey
Rating/Genre: g/gen
Characters/Pairing: Anna, Daisy; Anna/Bates
Summary: Mr. Bates has revealed his past and Anna can’t sleep. A little late night chat with Daisy helps her see things more clearly.
Word count: 1 241
Spoilers/Warnings: No
Notes: Based on episode 6 but nothing really spoilery in here!
It is late and everyone should be in bed. It isn’t like anyone can ever sleep in, and the sleeping hours are precious to everybody.
And yet Anna is awake. Gwen fell asleep so quickly in the bed beside hers, breathing peacefully, but Anna can’t sleep. It doesn’t matter if she closes her eyes or not; her head is spinning and she can’t forget how close they were standing. Their fingers had been touching - and not accidentally touching - and she had felt warmth radiating from his body ready to cover hers in a strong embrace… But nothing had happened. She had seen the sadness in his eyes and all the good in him, and hunger, too… But the moment had been broken by some insignificant intruder and she had run off like a scared little animal runs from a hunter.
She doesn’t know why she ran. Anna isn’t afraid. She told him before that she was going to tell the world that he was innocent if he didn’t want to say it himself, and she has told him once that she loves him. Anna isn’t afraid… But there was always something in his eyes that was holding her back.
She never understood it before but she knows now that he believes that he is not worthy of her love, of any woman’s love. He believes that he is damaged goods because of his past, not worthy of good people’s company.
She knows that he is strong-willed and intelligent. She just can’t get it; why does he look upon himself like that?
Anna can’t sleep and she gets up from the bed and goes down to the kitchen to drink a glass of water.
To her surprise, Daisy is there, humming quietly some old folk tune.
“Daisy,” Anna says, softly as to not startle the girl, “what are you doing here? It’s late, you should be in bed.”
As should I, she acknowledges silently.
“I’ll go to sleep soon,” Daisy says, “I just have to finish this first. Mrs. Patmore said so… it’s for breakfast. It’s my own fault, I should have made sure she didn’t mix up the ingredients anymore -“
“It’s not your fault,” Anna interrupts Daisy’s explanation, “that Mrs. Patmore is loosing her eyesight. She shouldn’t take it out on you the way she does. Come on, I’ll help you with that.”
The dough is ready to be baked and they knead it together and then they put the breads on the baking plate.
Anna thinks about how her mother always said that doing something with your hands helps you take your mind off things and instead of fruitless brooding you’ll actually get something useful done. So always make sure you’re properly occupied with something.
She would like to tell her mother that she was wrong. Working the dough with Daisy doesn’t help her at all. She is still thinking about everything and she can’t stop herself from voicing some of her thoughts.
“Mr. Bates is a good man, you know…”
“I know!” Daisy blushes and doesn’t look at her. “I know he is, he’s just as good as Mr. Carson, really… I’m sorry about what I did, I really am, Anna…”
“Of course you are,” Anna replies, “I know, and he knows, so don’t beat yourself up about it. What I’d like to know is why O’Brien and Thomas hate him so much…”
Daisy stops kneading. She has flour on her face and her eyes are tired but sparkling with thoughts.
“They are too mean to him, aren’t they?” she says slowly and she suddenly looks so sad. Anna has to ask herself why no one ever has tried to talk some sense into Daisy when it comes to Thomas. Sure, no one wants to ruin her blue-eyed innocence, but being to blue-eyed will only hurt her in the long run, won’t it?
“Yes,” she says firmly as she slaps the dough with the palm of her hand a little too hard, “you know that he is a good man and it was very badly done to try to frame him.”
“But that’s exactly it, isn’t it?”
Daisy shakes her head as if it is all clear to her.
“You’re right… I don’t know why Thomas asked me to say those things but… I know that whatever anyone does or says to Mr. Bates, he never fights back, does he? That’s because he’s a good man, he’s a kind man and he doesn’t hate anybody. He turns the other cheek when people are mean to him and that’s why they keep doing it… But I’m thinking that one of these days he will say or do something that will make us all ashamed and wonder why he never wants revenge.”
“Oh Daisy,” Anna sighs, “You’re more right than you know…”
Revenge, she thinks, would be so easy. Already that incident with the snuff box could have ended differently. And he could have told Carson who the real thief was. But he didn’t.
She knows the answer now: He doesn’t hate. He reaches out his hand, again and again, but only to a certain degree. He wants to do good to his fellow men but he doesn’t believe that he deserves any good in return. Many other men would just take what they want without asking whether they deserve it or not, and more often than not they don’t deserve it as much as they think. But the man who is more worthy of getting what he wants than anyone, he takes nothing for himself.
The kitchen smells of bread and tomorrow’s breakfast is saved.
“Thank you, Daisy,” Anna says.
“What for? I should be thanking you for helping me…”
“No,” Anna says as they put the bread away, “you made me think about a few things… I’m only sorry Mr. Bates wasn’t here to hear what you said about him.”
She smiles at the younger girl who sighs heavily with languishing eyes.
“Oh Anna, if only Thomas spoke of me with that tone of voice! You’re really fond of Mr. Bates, aren’t you, Anna?”
“Maybe I am,” Anna admits. “Goodnight, Daisy.”
Anna wonders how it is possible that the girl can be aware of such things, like Mr. Bates’ character and Anna’s feelings for him, but still be so blind about Thomas
But then she thinks that it probably isn’t so strange after all, because we never see ourselves the way other people see us and we never see ourselves clearly. Anna realises that the man she loves has a very good eye for the qualities of other people but for some reason he can only see the bad in himself.
Anna decides that she just has to make him stop looking at himself at all. She will make him look only at her. And then when he’s looking into her eyes, maybe he will see his own reflection in there and he will realise that she sees him the way he is, and she loves what she sees. And if she can love him, why can’t he? Anna understands that he can only accept her love if he learns to love himself first. And she will love him, relentlessly, until he has no choice but to see the truth of her feelings.
Anna and Daisy leave the kitchen, put the light out and go to bed.
Anna falls asleep this time, firmly believing that she will succeed.