Fic: A Child Is Born
Title: A Child Is Born (Chérie’s Baby, 8/?)
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Rating|Genre: g | angst, slash, family/friendship
Characters|Pairing: Yuuri, Wolfram, Conrad, Greta, Chérie, others | Chérie/Anissina, Wolfram/Yuuri (unrequited), Yuuri/Sara, Conrad/Yuuri (not obvious in this chapter)
Summary: Wolfram is hurt, Yuuri is worried and confused and doesn’t know what Conrad is thinking, Sara is so far way and everybody is so tense and upset. Right in the middle of this, Anissina comes out to deliver news…
Word count: 3 940
Notes: I decided to finally try to finish this. Next chapter might be the last one! (Phew, I’m relieved… what a long-winded story!) The story so far: Yuuri spent a long time on Earth and came back to find Lady Chérie eight months pregnant. There is no father - the baby is a result of a mysterious activity that no one understands except Anissina and the pregnant lady. Yuuri was deeply shocked to learn about this, and Conrad deemed it necessary to confront Yuuri about his homophobia. Yuuri, shaken and confused, finally begun to revaluate his opinions and feelings. When he was able to see the truth in his own heart, he realized he was in love with Saralegui. He went to see the Small Shimaron king, without telling Wolfram first. When he came back to Shin Makoku, he had to face the disapproval of all his friends, and he had to face Wolfram’s broken heart.
Wolfram threw the ball too hard and it went over Greta’s head. She reached for it but couldn’t catch it and she turned around to watch where it fell, far behind her. She went to get it, with a laugh, running and jumping.
In the meantime, Wolfram just stood there, and the expression on his face was completely blank, as if he had lost all purpose and sense of life as soon as the ball didn’t move steadily between his hands and Greta’s.
“I thought he would snap”, Gwendal mumbled, more to himself than to anyone else, but they all heard him.
Yuuri sighed. Something about Wolfram’s silence was worse than all the fits of rage in the world.
“I told you he wouldn’t”, Yozak said. “The sage and I, we told you the kiddos would be able to sort this out by themselves. But I don’t know if he’s taking it very well, though…”
“Far from it”, Conrad said. It was just a simple statement, and Conrad didn’t look at anyone in particular when he said it, but Yuuri felt it sting, a lot worse than an angry lecture would, or even a slap in the face…
This whole thing started with a slap, he remembered. How absurd…
He looked up at Murata and saw that his friend was looking at him, too. Yuuri couldn’t read his expression at all. From Yozak’s words, he gathered that they had all been talking about him in his absence, but he couldn’t feel offended about that. Why shouldn’t they have talked about him? A stupid, lovesick wimp for a king must be a nuisance and a bother for his advisors and friends…
“I can’t sit still”, he said and jumped up. “I should talk to him, right? I need to talk to him.”
Nobody tried to stop him as he darted away to where Wolfram and Greta had begun throwing his ball again.
Wolfram didn’t look at him, he didn’t even pretended he saw him until he was very close.
“What to you want?” Wolfram asked coldly. “Do you want your ball back?”
“No! Of course not! I just… I wanted to talk to you - I feel that I should clarify that I… I mean, I’m so sorry, Wolfram…”
“Is that all?” His ex fiancé cut him off with that terrible coldness. “Because if it is, I suggest that you leave. There’s not one single thing I want to say to you right now, and there is nothing that I want to hear.”
“But…” Yuuri tried, and then Wolfram turned around and his eyes sparkled.
“Don’t bore me with your petty excuses! Let’s try to make this civil, for our child’s sake.”
“Whoa!” Yuuri threw his hands up and backed a step. “I’m not trying to pick a fight here!”
“Then do as I say and leave me alone”, Wolfram retorted, and there was a spark of fire coming from his fingertips.
Yuuri nodded quietly and retired to the table where the others had watched the scene.
I’m the king, he reminded himself, I must get used to always being watched. But Wolfram doesn’t deserve this, to have his pain witnessed by everybody…
“I’m a hopeless”, he admitted. “I’ve caused a mess…”
Gwendal sniffed. Murata sighed. Conrad remained immobile as if he had been turned to stone. Yozak, finally, said:
“Don’t be so hard on yourself…”
Yuuri thought he didn’t sound entirely convinced, though. He looked at them, some of the people he trusted the most in all worlds, and got the feeling that they didn’t trust him as much as before.
Gwendal looked away and Yuuri didn’t have to follow his gaze to understand that he looked at his brother and Greta. Yozak looked down and began to rub some invisible spot on his clothes. Murata just looked, in that way he did when it was obvious that he had thoughts that he didn’t want to share with anybody.
It’s not like this is some great, ancient, magical problem, though, Yuuri thought to himself. He might just as well speak his mind…
Conrad looked up, suddenly, and said: “Come on, let’s take a walk!”
Yuuri didn’t dare smile, but he nodded. Conrad got up on his feet and began to walk away from the others, in the opposite direction to where Wolfram and Greta were still playing with the ball. Yuuri followed him without a word.
It was not the first time they had walked in silence together, but Yuuri felt unusually tense. He felt like his steps were heavy beside Conrad, he was uncomfortably aware of his own breathing, and his hands felt heavy and weird, as if he didn’t remember what to do with them while he walked.
It was Conrad who broke the silence.
“How are you doing?” he asked, and his voice was so sympathetic it made Yuuri’s heart ache. “You have a lot on your mind right now; have you had any chance to think it through and put it in perspective?”
Conrad was always so caring, always looking out for him, always so kind. Too kind
“How can you ask me that? How come you’re not mad at me like Wolfram and Gwendal and maybe even Yozak and Günter?”
Conrad didn’t reply first. Yuuri glanced up at the soldier by his side and wished that he knew what the man was thinking. He looked tense and troubled, and suddenly Yuuri felt hot tears sting his eyes. All the magic in the entire kingdom couldn’t help them now.
“Conrad, I’m not making you choose between your king and your brother, am I?!”
Conrad stopped and turned to look at him, and he moved so abruptly that Yuuri flinched. There was a strange fire in his eyes and Yuuri was startled to think that he was somehow the cause of it.
“No, Your Majesty - don’t say that! It would be an impossible choice, but if it would ever come to that…”
“No, no!” Yuuri protested and shook his head violently. “It won’t ever come to that. Wolfram has promised to be ‘civil’ about this, and I don’t want anyone to choose sides, and I don’t want to hurt him more than necessary, or you, or anyone…”
While Yuuri spoke, the intense fire in Conrad’s eyes died away and made room for something more like the usual warmth that always made Yuuri feel so safe. Except that there was still pain, too…
“To answer your question…” Conrad hesitated. He closed his eyes for just a moment and sighed. “I don’t see the point of being ‘mad’ at you. This situation was certainly not what I had in mind the last time we talked, but what is done is done. I was just asking because I care and I thought you needed to talk…”
“About… Sara? Or Wolfram?”
“What do you want to talk about?” Conrad asked and began walking again.
“You already know how I feel about Wolfram”, Yuuri said. “But I guess I’ve never talked to you about Sara…”
“That’s true”, Conrad said, and his voice gave no clue whatsoever to what he was thinking.
Yuuri thought about how he should put his words. Conrad was the one who always seemed to understand him, and talking to Conrad always made him feel better. Then why was it so hard to find the words? He wanted to explain to his friend how Saralegui seemed to have opened his eyes to a new way at looking at the word. He had always believed that it would be impossible for him to look at another guy and find him attractive, but Sara had made this feel so natural. Kissing him, feeling his soft hair under his fingers, made Yuuri’s skin tingle all over, and it was like… how should he put it…
“Being with him makes me feel like I’ve opened a door to a fairytale”, he said.
“Hm”, Conrad said, “I see. That sounds like a good thing. But if I were to play the devil’s advocate, I’d perhaps also say that… it sounds like it’s almost like a dream, not quite real. The way a first love always is…”
“Conrad!” Yuuri felt that he couldn’t stop tears from stinging his eyes. Conrad had said ‘if I were to play the devil’s advocate’, perhaps he didn’t mean it, but it still hurt. “Just because I’ve never been in love before, that doesn’t mean that this is just a childish crush!”
“Of course not”, Conrad replied, but Yuuri got a feeling that the man still wasn’t saying what he was thinking. Why wouldn’t he speak his mind? There was something so evasive in the tone of his voice and the way he barely even looked at Yuuri, that definitely didn’t make Yuuri feel so warm, safe and at ease, at home, as he was used to.
I’m asking for too much, Yuuri reminded himself. It’s impossible for him to wholeheartedly support me in this when Wolfram is suffering, I understand that…
He wondered what Sara was doing. Was he, right that moment, having a similar conversation with Beryes? Yuuri knew that the look in Beryes’ eyes had been far from happy and approving, but at least there was no broken hearts to consider in Small Shimaron… But could he and Sara really go against the wishes of everyone around them? What did it mean, to live dangerously, like Sara had said?
They had never talked about the future in detail - just being together had been enough, hand in hand, lips against lips, the wonderful scent of flowers and Sara’s hair - and then Yozak had arrived to bring him back home, and Yuuri really wished Conrad hadn’t said those words just now…
“I’m sorry.” Conrad broke the silence and spoke quietly right beside Yuuri, but his voice still felt distant. Was it the hot summer sun above them that seemed to wrap everything up in something woolly and impenetrable? The air was almost standing still.
“Do you think there’s going to be a thunderstorm…” Yuuri mumbled.
“I’m sorry”, Conrad repeated as if he hadn’t heard the comment, that wasn’t a real question anyway. “I know this situation is painful, Your Majesty.”
”So it’s really that hopeless, huh?”, Yuuri said to Conrad.
He knew that it was no time to be thinking of himself, now that Chérie was in labour, but he couldn’t help thinking about it. The wonderful days he had spent with Sara, were they never going to come back?
No matter what they said, he was never going to accept it! He remembered every word they had said; Gwendal, Conrad, and Günter’s ‘I’m so sorry, so sorry!’ Yes, he had heard them. But could he really believe them?
“Hmm”, Conrad said. “I guess it doesn’t have to be that hopeless…”
“Really?” Yuuri straightened his back. What had they missed in there in Gwendal’s office?
“Well”, Conrad said, “you’re both young, and I’d love to be able to say that it’s okay for you to have a little fling, but we’ve been over this: You’re not in a position to do that.”
“But..?”
“The only way this can work out, obviously, is if one of you abdicates, and then you can get married or do whatever you want.”
“What?!”
Yuuri stared at him but Conrad shrugged. He was serious. He didn’t look like he had said anything chocking - actually, he almost looked like he thought Yuuri was a bit slow on the uptake.
“You do understand what Gwendal and I were trying to tell you in there, don’t you?”
“Yes, but…”
Yuuri’s voice died away. The problem was that they were both kings; kings over countries that could never be united. So if one of them stopped being a king… That was what they had been trying to tell him. That was what it meant. He had to choose between his love and his country. But he loved his country. And Sara loved his! Sara said he was willing to fight; he would have sacrificed each and every soldier of his country if Wolfram had wanted to make a mess big enough to start a war, but…
“The question is”, Conrad said, “are you ready to go to the end of the world for him? Is he ready to sacrifice everything that he has and leave it all behind for you?”
Yuuri shook his head in exasperation and snorted, “Nobody…”
He was going to say: ‘nobody would do such a thing for me, don’t be absurd’, but a mental image flashed through his brain and made him choke on his words.
The image of Conrad dressed in white, dressed in Big Shimaron’s uniform. Conrad talking to him as if they were mortal enemies, he was never going to forget it, or the pained but extremely determined look in Conrad’s eyes.
That had been sacrifice. Conrad had left everything behind. He couldn’t say ‘nobody would’ because Conrad already had. And he knew that already! Didn’t he? Of course he did. But…
“Nobody”, he started over with a much weaker voice, “ever told me that love is this complicated…”
“Oh.” Conrad smiled. “Of course not. Would you have believed them? This is something each of us has to discover on our own.”
Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears. He was in love with Sara. But did he love him enough to leave Shin Makoku?
For some reason, that was the question. He couldn’t ask Sara to leave Small Shimaron, could he? But he loved his country. He had promised to be its king, and he couldn’t just walk away from it! Or could he?
“Can I really..?”
Conrad met his tear-filled eyes with calm, saying: “You can if you really want to.”
“But should I?”
“I can’t answer that for you, Your Majesty.”
No, of course he can’t, Yuuri thought, but I don’t know what to do!
“I’ve told you a billion times not to call me that”, he muttered. “If you’re going to call me that, then I can just as well be as majestic as I like and order you to answer any question that I have!” He stared at his friend who kept his face suspiciously still, and added: “And don’t laugh at me!”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Conrad paused. “Well then, Your Majesty, my answer is that it sounds like you’re on your way to come up with your own answer.”
“That’s not a proper answer”, Yuuri protested.
“But that’s the only answer I’ve got for you right now, Your Majesty”, Conrad said.
Yuuri sniffed and turned away. Maybe Conrad was right but he didn’t want him to be; he wanted a quick and easy solution, he didn’t want this pain and confusion. And as if that wasn’t enough, now he had made Wolfram suffer, too…
“Yuuri”, Conrad softly said behind him. “I am sorry. Truly, I am.”
***
Anissina came out to announce the news herself, just as dark clouds had come out of nowhere and were covering up the sky.
Everybody jumped up from their seats when they saw her; even Wolfram turned to look at her. They could all see that her eyes were sparkling with excitement, but she paused dramatically in front of them, before she finally spoke:
“Everybody; it’s a girl! The most beautiful girl in the world!”
“Yay!” Greta squealed loudly. She grabbed Gwendal’s hand and jumped up and down excitedly, and Gwendal held on to her hand tightly.
They all smiled and clapped their hands, and Conrad walked up to Anissina and asked how his mother was doing.
“She is resting”, Anissina said. “She’s exhausted, but happy and perfectly healthy, and so is the baby. Gisela and I have cared for them. You may go and see them now.”
The first roll of thunder was heard, but they were deserting the garden anyway. All of them followed Anissina into the castle, up the stairs, through the corridors, and finally, they were outside the door behind which Cheri and the baby rested.
“Everybody”, Anissina said, “try to be calm and quiet.”
She went first into the room and Greta followed, quiet if not exactly calm. The two of them stopped right beside the bed, and next were Wolfram, Gwendal and Conrad. Yuuri made Günter, Murata and Yozak go in before him, so the room was already pretty crowded when he stepped in. Greta and Günter were cooing softly but the others were quiet and still. At first, Yuuri could only see a small bundle in Cheri’s arms, but when he came closer, and Yozak and Conrad made room for him, he could see that the newborn child, who appeared to be sleeping, was very small and cute, and she had a lot of hair on her head.
And the hair was black.
When it dawned on him that he was looking down on something rather unusual, he gasped and felt the wheels in his brain spin confusingly quickly. How could a blonde and a redhead get a black-haired child? And how could they get a child in the first place; both of them had kept suspiciously quiet when it came to the details of the conception - not that he really wanted to know too much! - all logic and common sense pointed in one direction, and one only…
Slowly, Yuuri raised his head and met Murata’s eyes, questioningly. But Murata looked back on him with a completely innocent face, as if he was saying ‘I have no idea what you’re thinking about’.
“Yuuri…” someone whispered.
It was Wolfram, but the young man wasn’t looking at Yuuri; his eyes were fixed on the child as if what he was looking at was something shocking and incomprehensible.
“Yuuri…” Wolfram gulped soundly. “If you have had anything to do with this, I’ll never, ever going to forgive you. My mother…”
Yuuri felt a wave of dizziness sweep over him as he for a few, terrifying moments considered whether Wolfram could be right - not that he had done anything, but what if they had somehow used him without him knowing…
“No”, he said, “that’s impossible! How can you even think such a thing? I would never! Even if you doubt me, I wasn’t even here nine months ago!”
“Why should I believe you?!” Wolfram turned around and clenched his fists, ready to throw a punch any moment as if Anissina had never told him to stay quiet and calm. “You are a lying, treacherous, cheating wimp, so how else can you explain that the child has black hair?!”
“But I have nothing to do with it!” Yuuri replied. “But Murata has been here the whole time…”
Wolfram was about to protest, when Cheri said: “Quiet!”, not too loudly but with such force that even Wolfram turned around to look at her.
“Wolfram”, the mother said, “I promise you that your fiancé is not the least bit related to your little sister. Not only would I never betray you like that, but Anissina and I have already told you all a million times that there is no father. This is our child; neither the Sage or the King came anywhere near me during her conception, and that is the truth.”
“Mother, forgive me”, Wolfram said, and Cheri mumbled gently that he needed to learn to control his temper and think before he spoke.
Wolfram didn’t reply; he just bowed his head and sighed. Although Yuuri agreed with Cheri in theory, he felt surprisingly bad for Wolfram. It wasn’t that strange at all that Wolfram had jumped to that conclusion. Hadn’t he thought the same about Murata?
And to be honest, he still wasn’t quite sure. Even if Murata hadn’t been anywhere near the former queen in that sense, perhaps his magic somehow…
“You don’t all have to be so concerned”, Murata said. “It’s not at all uncommon that infants are born with lots of black hair, just to have it all fall off after a few days. Later they become blond or something. Right, Gisela?”
“We’ll see about that”, Cheri said before anybody had responded.
“Tell them about her name”, Anissina said, and this made Cheri smile brightly.
“Of course. Everybody, let me introduce Suzanna Jennifer.”
“Wha… what?” Yuuri stuttered, but Cheri just smiled at him.
“Why, it is your mother’s name, isn’t it?”
“Uh, well, sort of, but…”
“I wanted to name my daughter after my dear friend”, Cheri explained, “and also, I feel connected to your mother somehow. I know I’ve never met her, but I hope I will someday. After all, the two of us will have a lot to talk about because our boys are engaged to be married.”
Cheri smiled, seemingly unaware of the sudden tension in the room. She, and perhaps Gisela and Anissina too, was the only one who didn’t know. Yuuri felt all the others stare at him, he could see that Wolfram’s face was stiff and pale. Greta bit her lip and fidgeted, she looked like she was about to cry, and Yuuri realized that he couldn’t have her break the news.
“Um, about that”, he said. “I’m sorry. I know this is not a good time, but on the other hand; when is it ever a good time for bad news? I know my mom is going to be so happy when I tell her, but you might want to reconsider the name when you realize that the two of you won’t be related by marriage after all…”
Yuuri realized he was rambling but he couldn’t stop himself. Now the next person was getting hurt right before his eyes, and his mother would be very sad as well - not that he could let his life be dictated by mothers, but…
“What that blabbering idiot is trying to say”, Wolfram cut him off, “is that he and I are no longer engaged to be married.”
Chérie’s eyes went wide and were immediately filled with tears.
“But Wolfram, why?”
“That’s not for me to say”, Wolfram replied stiffly.
Greta scurried to his side and threw her arms around him. Wolfram didn’t react at first, but then he patted her head, and there was silence in the room, aside from the sound of breathing and, Yuuri thought, the sound of unvoiced thoughts sort of whispered in the air, in his heart.
“I see”, Chérie said after a few moments when no one spoke. “That is, I’m sorry, I don’t really understand, but anyway, this doesn’t make me change my mind. My daughter’s name is Suzanna Jennifer. Anissina and I have already agreed.”
“Mother, it’s a wonderful name”, Conrad said, “and she is a wonderful little girl.”
“Indeed she is”, Günter said. “The most adorable jewel among this kingdom’s treasures.”
“Congratulations, Mother”, Gwendal said. “She is beautiful. I shall always protect my sister with my life and love her with all my heart.”
After such an unusually passionate statement from Gwendal, Yuuri backed away from Chérie’s side to let the family come closer. He felt like an outsider, an intruder… he hadn’t felt that way in Shin Makoku in a long time.
Please don’t hate me for this, he thought, but he felt that he had no right to say it out loud.
”Sorry”, Wolfram said and brushed Greta aside, ”but I’ve got to get out of here. I need to get some air…”
He hurried past the people in the room, who quickly stepped out of the way for him, and violently flung the door open. His mother gasped, probably fearing a loud bang would scare the infant, but Wolfram paused and closed the door very quietly behind him.
Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou
Rating|Genre: g | angst, slash, family/friendship
Characters|Pairing: Yuuri, Wolfram, Conrad, Greta, Chérie, others | Chérie/Anissina, Wolfram/Yuuri (unrequited), Yuuri/Sara, Conrad/Yuuri (not obvious in this chapter)
Summary: Wolfram is hurt, Yuuri is worried and confused and doesn’t know what Conrad is thinking, Sara is so far way and everybody is so tense and upset. Right in the middle of this, Anissina comes out to deliver news…
Word count: 3 940
Notes: I decided to finally try to finish this. Next chapter might be the last one! (Phew, I’m relieved… what a long-winded story!) The story so far: Yuuri spent a long time on Earth and came back to find Lady Chérie eight months pregnant. There is no father - the baby is a result of a mysterious activity that no one understands except Anissina and the pregnant lady. Yuuri was deeply shocked to learn about this, and Conrad deemed it necessary to confront Yuuri about his homophobia. Yuuri, shaken and confused, finally begun to revaluate his opinions and feelings. When he was able to see the truth in his own heart, he realized he was in love with Saralegui. He went to see the Small Shimaron king, without telling Wolfram first. When he came back to Shin Makoku, he had to face the disapproval of all his friends, and he had to face Wolfram’s broken heart.
Wolfram threw the ball too hard and it went over Greta’s head. She reached for it but couldn’t catch it and she turned around to watch where it fell, far behind her. She went to get it, with a laugh, running and jumping.
In the meantime, Wolfram just stood there, and the expression on his face was completely blank, as if he had lost all purpose and sense of life as soon as the ball didn’t move steadily between his hands and Greta’s.
“I thought he would snap”, Gwendal mumbled, more to himself than to anyone else, but they all heard him.
Yuuri sighed. Something about Wolfram’s silence was worse than all the fits of rage in the world.
“I told you he wouldn’t”, Yozak said. “The sage and I, we told you the kiddos would be able to sort this out by themselves. But I don’t know if he’s taking it very well, though…”
“Far from it”, Conrad said. It was just a simple statement, and Conrad didn’t look at anyone in particular when he said it, but Yuuri felt it sting, a lot worse than an angry lecture would, or even a slap in the face…
This whole thing started with a slap, he remembered. How absurd…
He looked up at Murata and saw that his friend was looking at him, too. Yuuri couldn’t read his expression at all. From Yozak’s words, he gathered that they had all been talking about him in his absence, but he couldn’t feel offended about that. Why shouldn’t they have talked about him? A stupid, lovesick wimp for a king must be a nuisance and a bother for his advisors and friends…
“I can’t sit still”, he said and jumped up. “I should talk to him, right? I need to talk to him.”
Nobody tried to stop him as he darted away to where Wolfram and Greta had begun throwing his ball again.
Wolfram didn’t look at him, he didn’t even pretended he saw him until he was very close.
“What to you want?” Wolfram asked coldly. “Do you want your ball back?”
“No! Of course not! I just… I wanted to talk to you - I feel that I should clarify that I… I mean, I’m so sorry, Wolfram…”
“Is that all?” His ex fiancé cut him off with that terrible coldness. “Because if it is, I suggest that you leave. There’s not one single thing I want to say to you right now, and there is nothing that I want to hear.”
“But…” Yuuri tried, and then Wolfram turned around and his eyes sparkled.
“Don’t bore me with your petty excuses! Let’s try to make this civil, for our child’s sake.”
“Whoa!” Yuuri threw his hands up and backed a step. “I’m not trying to pick a fight here!”
“Then do as I say and leave me alone”, Wolfram retorted, and there was a spark of fire coming from his fingertips.
Yuuri nodded quietly and retired to the table where the others had watched the scene.
I’m the king, he reminded himself, I must get used to always being watched. But Wolfram doesn’t deserve this, to have his pain witnessed by everybody…
“I’m a hopeless”, he admitted. “I’ve caused a mess…”
Gwendal sniffed. Murata sighed. Conrad remained immobile as if he had been turned to stone. Yozak, finally, said:
“Don’t be so hard on yourself…”
Yuuri thought he didn’t sound entirely convinced, though. He looked at them, some of the people he trusted the most in all worlds, and got the feeling that they didn’t trust him as much as before.
Gwendal looked away and Yuuri didn’t have to follow his gaze to understand that he looked at his brother and Greta. Yozak looked down and began to rub some invisible spot on his clothes. Murata just looked, in that way he did when it was obvious that he had thoughts that he didn’t want to share with anybody.
It’s not like this is some great, ancient, magical problem, though, Yuuri thought to himself. He might just as well speak his mind…
Conrad looked up, suddenly, and said: “Come on, let’s take a walk!”
Yuuri didn’t dare smile, but he nodded. Conrad got up on his feet and began to walk away from the others, in the opposite direction to where Wolfram and Greta were still playing with the ball. Yuuri followed him without a word.
It was not the first time they had walked in silence together, but Yuuri felt unusually tense. He felt like his steps were heavy beside Conrad, he was uncomfortably aware of his own breathing, and his hands felt heavy and weird, as if he didn’t remember what to do with them while he walked.
It was Conrad who broke the silence.
“How are you doing?” he asked, and his voice was so sympathetic it made Yuuri’s heart ache. “You have a lot on your mind right now; have you had any chance to think it through and put it in perspective?”
Conrad was always so caring, always looking out for him, always so kind. Too kind
“How can you ask me that? How come you’re not mad at me like Wolfram and Gwendal and maybe even Yozak and Günter?”
Conrad didn’t reply first. Yuuri glanced up at the soldier by his side and wished that he knew what the man was thinking. He looked tense and troubled, and suddenly Yuuri felt hot tears sting his eyes. All the magic in the entire kingdom couldn’t help them now.
“Conrad, I’m not making you choose between your king and your brother, am I?!”
Conrad stopped and turned to look at him, and he moved so abruptly that Yuuri flinched. There was a strange fire in his eyes and Yuuri was startled to think that he was somehow the cause of it.
“No, Your Majesty - don’t say that! It would be an impossible choice, but if it would ever come to that…”
“No, no!” Yuuri protested and shook his head violently. “It won’t ever come to that. Wolfram has promised to be ‘civil’ about this, and I don’t want anyone to choose sides, and I don’t want to hurt him more than necessary, or you, or anyone…”
While Yuuri spoke, the intense fire in Conrad’s eyes died away and made room for something more like the usual warmth that always made Yuuri feel so safe. Except that there was still pain, too…
“To answer your question…” Conrad hesitated. He closed his eyes for just a moment and sighed. “I don’t see the point of being ‘mad’ at you. This situation was certainly not what I had in mind the last time we talked, but what is done is done. I was just asking because I care and I thought you needed to talk…”
“About… Sara? Or Wolfram?”
“What do you want to talk about?” Conrad asked and began walking again.
“You already know how I feel about Wolfram”, Yuuri said. “But I guess I’ve never talked to you about Sara…”
“That’s true”, Conrad said, and his voice gave no clue whatsoever to what he was thinking.
Yuuri thought about how he should put his words. Conrad was the one who always seemed to understand him, and talking to Conrad always made him feel better. Then why was it so hard to find the words? He wanted to explain to his friend how Saralegui seemed to have opened his eyes to a new way at looking at the word. He had always believed that it would be impossible for him to look at another guy and find him attractive, but Sara had made this feel so natural. Kissing him, feeling his soft hair under his fingers, made Yuuri’s skin tingle all over, and it was like… how should he put it…
“Being with him makes me feel like I’ve opened a door to a fairytale”, he said.
“Hm”, Conrad said, “I see. That sounds like a good thing. But if I were to play the devil’s advocate, I’d perhaps also say that… it sounds like it’s almost like a dream, not quite real. The way a first love always is…”
“Conrad!” Yuuri felt that he couldn’t stop tears from stinging his eyes. Conrad had said ‘if I were to play the devil’s advocate’, perhaps he didn’t mean it, but it still hurt. “Just because I’ve never been in love before, that doesn’t mean that this is just a childish crush!”
“Of course not”, Conrad replied, but Yuuri got a feeling that the man still wasn’t saying what he was thinking. Why wouldn’t he speak his mind? There was something so evasive in the tone of his voice and the way he barely even looked at Yuuri, that definitely didn’t make Yuuri feel so warm, safe and at ease, at home, as he was used to.
I’m asking for too much, Yuuri reminded himself. It’s impossible for him to wholeheartedly support me in this when Wolfram is suffering, I understand that…
He wondered what Sara was doing. Was he, right that moment, having a similar conversation with Beryes? Yuuri knew that the look in Beryes’ eyes had been far from happy and approving, but at least there was no broken hearts to consider in Small Shimaron… But could he and Sara really go against the wishes of everyone around them? What did it mean, to live dangerously, like Sara had said?
They had never talked about the future in detail - just being together had been enough, hand in hand, lips against lips, the wonderful scent of flowers and Sara’s hair - and then Yozak had arrived to bring him back home, and Yuuri really wished Conrad hadn’t said those words just now…
“I’m sorry.” Conrad broke the silence and spoke quietly right beside Yuuri, but his voice still felt distant. Was it the hot summer sun above them that seemed to wrap everything up in something woolly and impenetrable? The air was almost standing still.
“Do you think there’s going to be a thunderstorm…” Yuuri mumbled.
“I’m sorry”, Conrad repeated as if he hadn’t heard the comment, that wasn’t a real question anyway. “I know this situation is painful, Your Majesty.”
”So it’s really that hopeless, huh?”, Yuuri said to Conrad.
He knew that it was no time to be thinking of himself, now that Chérie was in labour, but he couldn’t help thinking about it. The wonderful days he had spent with Sara, were they never going to come back?
No matter what they said, he was never going to accept it! He remembered every word they had said; Gwendal, Conrad, and Günter’s ‘I’m so sorry, so sorry!’ Yes, he had heard them. But could he really believe them?
“Hmm”, Conrad said. “I guess it doesn’t have to be that hopeless…”
“Really?” Yuuri straightened his back. What had they missed in there in Gwendal’s office?
“Well”, Conrad said, “you’re both young, and I’d love to be able to say that it’s okay for you to have a little fling, but we’ve been over this: You’re not in a position to do that.”
“But..?”
“The only way this can work out, obviously, is if one of you abdicates, and then you can get married or do whatever you want.”
“What?!”
Yuuri stared at him but Conrad shrugged. He was serious. He didn’t look like he had said anything chocking - actually, he almost looked like he thought Yuuri was a bit slow on the uptake.
“You do understand what Gwendal and I were trying to tell you in there, don’t you?”
“Yes, but…”
Yuuri’s voice died away. The problem was that they were both kings; kings over countries that could never be united. So if one of them stopped being a king… That was what they had been trying to tell him. That was what it meant. He had to choose between his love and his country. But he loved his country. And Sara loved his! Sara said he was willing to fight; he would have sacrificed each and every soldier of his country if Wolfram had wanted to make a mess big enough to start a war, but…
“The question is”, Conrad said, “are you ready to go to the end of the world for him? Is he ready to sacrifice everything that he has and leave it all behind for you?”
Yuuri shook his head in exasperation and snorted, “Nobody…”
He was going to say: ‘nobody would do such a thing for me, don’t be absurd’, but a mental image flashed through his brain and made him choke on his words.
The image of Conrad dressed in white, dressed in Big Shimaron’s uniform. Conrad talking to him as if they were mortal enemies, he was never going to forget it, or the pained but extremely determined look in Conrad’s eyes.
That had been sacrifice. Conrad had left everything behind. He couldn’t say ‘nobody would’ because Conrad already had. And he knew that already! Didn’t he? Of course he did. But…
“Nobody”, he started over with a much weaker voice, “ever told me that love is this complicated…”
“Oh.” Conrad smiled. “Of course not. Would you have believed them? This is something each of us has to discover on our own.”
Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears. He was in love with Sara. But did he love him enough to leave Shin Makoku?
For some reason, that was the question. He couldn’t ask Sara to leave Small Shimaron, could he? But he loved his country. He had promised to be its king, and he couldn’t just walk away from it! Or could he?
“Can I really..?”
Conrad met his tear-filled eyes with calm, saying: “You can if you really want to.”
“But should I?”
“I can’t answer that for you, Your Majesty.”
No, of course he can’t, Yuuri thought, but I don’t know what to do!
“I’ve told you a billion times not to call me that”, he muttered. “If you’re going to call me that, then I can just as well be as majestic as I like and order you to answer any question that I have!” He stared at his friend who kept his face suspiciously still, and added: “And don’t laugh at me!”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Conrad paused. “Well then, Your Majesty, my answer is that it sounds like you’re on your way to come up with your own answer.”
“That’s not a proper answer”, Yuuri protested.
“But that’s the only answer I’ve got for you right now, Your Majesty”, Conrad said.
Yuuri sniffed and turned away. Maybe Conrad was right but he didn’t want him to be; he wanted a quick and easy solution, he didn’t want this pain and confusion. And as if that wasn’t enough, now he had made Wolfram suffer, too…
“Yuuri”, Conrad softly said behind him. “I am sorry. Truly, I am.”
***
Anissina came out to announce the news herself, just as dark clouds had come out of nowhere and were covering up the sky.
Everybody jumped up from their seats when they saw her; even Wolfram turned to look at her. They could all see that her eyes were sparkling with excitement, but she paused dramatically in front of them, before she finally spoke:
“Everybody; it’s a girl! The most beautiful girl in the world!”
“Yay!” Greta squealed loudly. She grabbed Gwendal’s hand and jumped up and down excitedly, and Gwendal held on to her hand tightly.
They all smiled and clapped their hands, and Conrad walked up to Anissina and asked how his mother was doing.
“She is resting”, Anissina said. “She’s exhausted, but happy and perfectly healthy, and so is the baby. Gisela and I have cared for them. You may go and see them now.”
The first roll of thunder was heard, but they were deserting the garden anyway. All of them followed Anissina into the castle, up the stairs, through the corridors, and finally, they were outside the door behind which Cheri and the baby rested.
“Everybody”, Anissina said, “try to be calm and quiet.”
She went first into the room and Greta followed, quiet if not exactly calm. The two of them stopped right beside the bed, and next were Wolfram, Gwendal and Conrad. Yuuri made Günter, Murata and Yozak go in before him, so the room was already pretty crowded when he stepped in. Greta and Günter were cooing softly but the others were quiet and still. At first, Yuuri could only see a small bundle in Cheri’s arms, but when he came closer, and Yozak and Conrad made room for him, he could see that the newborn child, who appeared to be sleeping, was very small and cute, and she had a lot of hair on her head.
And the hair was black.
When it dawned on him that he was looking down on something rather unusual, he gasped and felt the wheels in his brain spin confusingly quickly. How could a blonde and a redhead get a black-haired child? And how could they get a child in the first place; both of them had kept suspiciously quiet when it came to the details of the conception - not that he really wanted to know too much! - all logic and common sense pointed in one direction, and one only…
Slowly, Yuuri raised his head and met Murata’s eyes, questioningly. But Murata looked back on him with a completely innocent face, as if he was saying ‘I have no idea what you’re thinking about’.
“Yuuri…” someone whispered.
It was Wolfram, but the young man wasn’t looking at Yuuri; his eyes were fixed on the child as if what he was looking at was something shocking and incomprehensible.
“Yuuri…” Wolfram gulped soundly. “If you have had anything to do with this, I’ll never, ever going to forgive you. My mother…”
Yuuri felt a wave of dizziness sweep over him as he for a few, terrifying moments considered whether Wolfram could be right - not that he had done anything, but what if they had somehow used him without him knowing…
“No”, he said, “that’s impossible! How can you even think such a thing? I would never! Even if you doubt me, I wasn’t even here nine months ago!”
“Why should I believe you?!” Wolfram turned around and clenched his fists, ready to throw a punch any moment as if Anissina had never told him to stay quiet and calm. “You are a lying, treacherous, cheating wimp, so how else can you explain that the child has black hair?!”
“But I have nothing to do with it!” Yuuri replied. “But Murata has been here the whole time…”
Wolfram was about to protest, when Cheri said: “Quiet!”, not too loudly but with such force that even Wolfram turned around to look at her.
“Wolfram”, the mother said, “I promise you that your fiancé is not the least bit related to your little sister. Not only would I never betray you like that, but Anissina and I have already told you all a million times that there is no father. This is our child; neither the Sage or the King came anywhere near me during her conception, and that is the truth.”
“Mother, forgive me”, Wolfram said, and Cheri mumbled gently that he needed to learn to control his temper and think before he spoke.
Wolfram didn’t reply; he just bowed his head and sighed. Although Yuuri agreed with Cheri in theory, he felt surprisingly bad for Wolfram. It wasn’t that strange at all that Wolfram had jumped to that conclusion. Hadn’t he thought the same about Murata?
And to be honest, he still wasn’t quite sure. Even if Murata hadn’t been anywhere near the former queen in that sense, perhaps his magic somehow…
“You don’t all have to be so concerned”, Murata said. “It’s not at all uncommon that infants are born with lots of black hair, just to have it all fall off after a few days. Later they become blond or something. Right, Gisela?”
“We’ll see about that”, Cheri said before anybody had responded.
“Tell them about her name”, Anissina said, and this made Cheri smile brightly.
“Of course. Everybody, let me introduce Suzanna Jennifer.”
“Wha… what?” Yuuri stuttered, but Cheri just smiled at him.
“Why, it is your mother’s name, isn’t it?”
“Uh, well, sort of, but…”
“I wanted to name my daughter after my dear friend”, Cheri explained, “and also, I feel connected to your mother somehow. I know I’ve never met her, but I hope I will someday. After all, the two of us will have a lot to talk about because our boys are engaged to be married.”
Cheri smiled, seemingly unaware of the sudden tension in the room. She, and perhaps Gisela and Anissina too, was the only one who didn’t know. Yuuri felt all the others stare at him, he could see that Wolfram’s face was stiff and pale. Greta bit her lip and fidgeted, she looked like she was about to cry, and Yuuri realized that he couldn’t have her break the news.
“Um, about that”, he said. “I’m sorry. I know this is not a good time, but on the other hand; when is it ever a good time for bad news? I know my mom is going to be so happy when I tell her, but you might want to reconsider the name when you realize that the two of you won’t be related by marriage after all…”
Yuuri realized he was rambling but he couldn’t stop himself. Now the next person was getting hurt right before his eyes, and his mother would be very sad as well - not that he could let his life be dictated by mothers, but…
“What that blabbering idiot is trying to say”, Wolfram cut him off, “is that he and I are no longer engaged to be married.”
Chérie’s eyes went wide and were immediately filled with tears.
“But Wolfram, why?”
“That’s not for me to say”, Wolfram replied stiffly.
Greta scurried to his side and threw her arms around him. Wolfram didn’t react at first, but then he patted her head, and there was silence in the room, aside from the sound of breathing and, Yuuri thought, the sound of unvoiced thoughts sort of whispered in the air, in his heart.
“I see”, Chérie said after a few moments when no one spoke. “That is, I’m sorry, I don’t really understand, but anyway, this doesn’t make me change my mind. My daughter’s name is Suzanna Jennifer. Anissina and I have already agreed.”
“Mother, it’s a wonderful name”, Conrad said, “and she is a wonderful little girl.”
“Indeed she is”, Günter said. “The most adorable jewel among this kingdom’s treasures.”
“Congratulations, Mother”, Gwendal said. “She is beautiful. I shall always protect my sister with my life and love her with all my heart.”
After such an unusually passionate statement from Gwendal, Yuuri backed away from Chérie’s side to let the family come closer. He felt like an outsider, an intruder… he hadn’t felt that way in Shin Makoku in a long time.
Please don’t hate me for this, he thought, but he felt that he had no right to say it out loud.
”Sorry”, Wolfram said and brushed Greta aside, ”but I’ve got to get out of here. I need to get some air…”
He hurried past the people in the room, who quickly stepped out of the way for him, and violently flung the door open. His mother gasped, probably fearing a loud bang would scare the infant, but Wolfram paused and closed the door very quietly behind him.