Long days...
Well, today was the last show of the 04-05 season, Fred Garbo. It was actually really cool, an inflatable theatre company, who'dve thought. So after a 12 hour day at work (ack!) Andrew, Jessica, Kascey and I went to the Pearl... yum! It was great fun! It's been a while since I've been there.
I started watching Season 5 of Dawsons Creek, courtesy of Erica (yay)... except I forgot about the whole dad dying thing... sometimes the stupidest things catch me by suprise, how I react to them. I mean my mom passed away almost three years ago, but still one little thing, or memory, or saying, can send me into a sprial of self-pity. I just miss her, a lot. It's hard with my brother graduating... cause almost everything I have to do I think, well, if mom were here, she'd do this so much better. I just want things to be okay for Char's grad party... my grad party was the last time my mom was out of her bed, she died a week and a half after my grad party. It's just a hard time of year.
I hate this...
I've been sitting here, wondering why i'm reacting so strongly to some stupid episode of Dawson's Creek, however, I'm realizing it's my first night alone... truely alone... No roommates, no family, no host family, nothing. Completely on my own. It's about time I had a breakdown...
The only other time I came close to havin ga breakdown was when I saw Billy Elliot the Musical the first time...
"Please Billy, know that I will always be proud to have known you, proud that you were mine, proud in everything and you must promise me this Billy in every thing you do... always be yourself."
That verse has been ingrained in my mind. When Evan and I saw the show (the first time) I was sobbing, I couldn't hold myself together during the song, or the reprise at the end of the show. I think that's one of the reasons I loved the show, I just felt such a connection to the character.
Since my mom died, whenever I've been upset I've cried to myself. I had a few days after my moms funeral where I tried to reach out to my friends, and mostly ended up being dissapointed by people I thought were my closer friends, but weren't able to be there for me when I really needed someone. I mean, this person is still my friend, but since then I really haven't been able to get close to anyone. I have become so independent - such a different person than when I was in high school, I look at myself right now and I really don't recognize myself. I know you're supposed to change in college, however I am not so sure I'm too happy with some of the changes.
I started watching Season 5 of Dawsons Creek, courtesy of Erica (yay)... except I forgot about the whole dad dying thing... sometimes the stupidest things catch me by suprise, how I react to them. I mean my mom passed away almost three years ago, but still one little thing, or memory, or saying, can send me into a sprial of self-pity. I just miss her, a lot. It's hard with my brother graduating... cause almost everything I have to do I think, well, if mom were here, she'd do this so much better. I just want things to be okay for Char's grad party... my grad party was the last time my mom was out of her bed, she died a week and a half after my grad party. It's just a hard time of year.
I hate this...
I've been sitting here, wondering why i'm reacting so strongly to some stupid episode of Dawson's Creek, however, I'm realizing it's my first night alone... truely alone... No roommates, no family, no host family, nothing. Completely on my own. It's about time I had a breakdown...
The only other time I came close to havin ga breakdown was when I saw Billy Elliot the Musical the first time...
"Please Billy, know that I will always be proud to have known you, proud that you were mine, proud in everything and you must promise me this Billy in every thing you do... always be yourself."
That verse has been ingrained in my mind. When Evan and I saw the show (the first time) I was sobbing, I couldn't hold myself together during the song, or the reprise at the end of the show. I think that's one of the reasons I loved the show, I just felt such a connection to the character.
Since my mom died, whenever I've been upset I've cried to myself. I had a few days after my moms funeral where I tried to reach out to my friends, and mostly ended up being dissapointed by people I thought were my closer friends, but weren't able to be there for me when I really needed someone. I mean, this person is still my friend, but since then I really haven't been able to get close to anyone. I have become so independent - such a different person than when I was in high school, I look at myself right now and I really don't recognize myself. I know you're supposed to change in college, however I am not so sure I'm too happy with some of the changes.