Protecting an individual’s individuality
Often we hear motherhood statements like “We should respect one’s individuality” or “Every person has particular tastes, mannerisms, likes and dislikes and we should accept and respect them for that”. The strange thing is if we were asked in a public forum if we agree, then I’m sure 9 out of 10 would say a “Yes”, but do we actually? Especially if we have to practice it in our day-to-day life with the people we interact with everyday…
How many times have we not heard husbands or wives tormenting each other to wit’s ends just because of the simple reason that they don’t like the other’s eating habits or clothing habits? Similarly how many times have we not heard of a boss being unhappy over his employee’s because the working style is not according to his own working style? And how many times have we not heard of children turning rebellious because the parents were disciplinarians?
The key thing here to observe here is that the unhappiness comes not because we don’t like the other person’s habits or mannerisms, because it’s perfectly alright to have an opinion about the other person. Unfortunately we never keep our opinion to ourselves. The trouble arrives when we start dictating our own habits and mannerisms over the other person - In other words trying to change the other person’s individuality to suit our own. This I feel can have catastrophic effects because every person has an individuality that is unique to him or her. That individuality is acquired because of various influences like their upbringing at home, their education, and life’s experiences. This individuality is what makes that person special and unique (in whatever way - good or bad). Unfortunately not many understand this, and more importantly, don’t appreciate this. There is a constant pressure on an individual to change depending on the person they are interacting with on a regular basis and when you as an individual realize that even after you make changes to your individuality (which is a crime I feel) it still has not been worth it (and the other person is always expecting more), that is when a decision has to be taken.
The decision, though a very difficult one to take sometimes becomes necessary. This is why you constantly see close friendships being severed, high performing employees quitting, children and parents separating, brilliant students ending up as dropouts, and probably the most difficult of them all - marriages being broken.
Unfortunately the concept of respecting one’s individuality is still new to India (even to metros) and in every relationship we enter into there is a constant pressure to act according to other person in the relationship. Is this really justified? Well if the individuality is something that might cause harm to others or can result in an unlawful act then I think it is justified, but otherwise trying to change another person’s individuality just to suit your own convenience or lifestyle is nothing less than a crime.
If only we let people be the way they are and respect their individuality, you’ll see that the world will definitely be a better place to live in.
How many times have we not heard husbands or wives tormenting each other to wit’s ends just because of the simple reason that they don’t like the other’s eating habits or clothing habits? Similarly how many times have we not heard of a boss being unhappy over his employee’s because the working style is not according to his own working style? And how many times have we not heard of children turning rebellious because the parents were disciplinarians?
The key thing here to observe here is that the unhappiness comes not because we don’t like the other person’s habits or mannerisms, because it’s perfectly alright to have an opinion about the other person. Unfortunately we never keep our opinion to ourselves. The trouble arrives when we start dictating our own habits and mannerisms over the other person - In other words trying to change the other person’s individuality to suit our own. This I feel can have catastrophic effects because every person has an individuality that is unique to him or her. That individuality is acquired because of various influences like their upbringing at home, their education, and life’s experiences. This individuality is what makes that person special and unique (in whatever way - good or bad). Unfortunately not many understand this, and more importantly, don’t appreciate this. There is a constant pressure on an individual to change depending on the person they are interacting with on a regular basis and when you as an individual realize that even after you make changes to your individuality (which is a crime I feel) it still has not been worth it (and the other person is always expecting more), that is when a decision has to be taken.
The decision, though a very difficult one to take sometimes becomes necessary. This is why you constantly see close friendships being severed, high performing employees quitting, children and parents separating, brilliant students ending up as dropouts, and probably the most difficult of them all - marriages being broken.
Unfortunately the concept of respecting one’s individuality is still new to India (even to metros) and in every relationship we enter into there is a constant pressure to act according to other person in the relationship. Is this really justified? Well if the individuality is something that might cause harm to others or can result in an unlawful act then I think it is justified, but otherwise trying to change another person’s individuality just to suit your own convenience or lifestyle is nothing less than a crime.
If only we let people be the way they are and respect their individuality, you’ll see that the world will definitely be a better place to live in.