I do love her
I went to a jewerly store today. Not an internet one, a real one. Asking the salesperson for an engagement ring.... it's so undescribable. The big day is getting closer and closer. It's all I can ever think about. NMMI can try to take everything from me, but they can't take away this. When I held that ring in my hand, for a split second, a thought I was human again. No more corps, no more ROTC, no more parades, no more formalized room inspections. Just me and the ring. I always thought engagement rings were ridiculous. It was like the man was buying off the woman to be with him. But now I know. It's not about the gesture, it's about the tradition. It's about living the dream that only the happiest individuals ever experience. It's about going through the routine of life that makes us who we are today. Our parents did it, I'm doing it, if my kids are as lucky as me, they'll find the person of their dreams and do it too.
It is true what they say: Your life is only beginning when you graduate from high school. Well, at least mine is. Yes, it's hard to have a life with NMMI interfering, but one exists. A sublife, if you will... A second identity, and it revolves around my Angel.
I love her so much, and I need her more than anything... and sometimes it takes a little 'push' for me to realize it. I watched a movie today at the mall. That was probably the biggest hit on my morale thus far in my "pre-military" career. It's the hardest thing I've ever done to look on either side of me and see an empty seat.. To reach my arm over and not have any one grab onto it. To have a drink with no one to share with, and to have a small bag of popcorn that could last the entire movie.
It's so easy to underestimate a date. To take it for granted. I think the last time we actually went somewhere alone together with our only intention being to have fun and enjoy each other's company was when we tried to test drive that five-speed mustang at shamaley. Ya, it's an odd date, not as generic as going to the movies, but it was unique, and that's a term that frequently describes our relationship. Unique, yet traditional.
Anywho, I keep going off on tangents. When I get emotional and I have livejournal, the results are me speaking my mind. And my mind is going off in tangents.
When I signed that paper on October 13 (almost a year ago), where did I expect to be today. If everthing had gone according to that plan, I would still be at AIT. I would be at Fort Jackson, where I would get one phone call on Sunday, and my only communication would still be through letter writing. Let me tell you something about letter writing: It's not as romantic as you think. It means so much more to hear your loved one's voice. To hear her say she loves you. To hear her smack her lips as she gives you a kiss.......... But what if I hadn't gone through with signing that paper. I wouldn't be at NMMI, that's for damn sure. I would be at the only school I applied for, Texas A&M. I know I didn't have this future on my mind back then, so what provoked me to sign up. What was my motivation for doing something that on the surface seemed like the biggest mistake of my life?
I'll tell you what was on my mind. I remember that day like it was yesturday. I was thinking absolutely nothing. Just like on graduation day, nothing was running through my mind. I should have been thinking about the future. And more importantly, I should have been thinking about Christina.
Well... I wasn't thinking. But did that matter? Did I still make a mistake? Did I even posses the kind of power to make that mistake? I'm not at Fort Jackson and I'm not at A&M. I'm here. I'm in a mall. A secluded mall, but still a descent mall. And I'm looking at a ring.
It is true what they say: Your life is only beginning when you graduate from high school. Well, at least mine is. Yes, it's hard to have a life with NMMI interfering, but one exists. A sublife, if you will... A second identity, and it revolves around my Angel.
I love her so much, and I need her more than anything... and sometimes it takes a little 'push' for me to realize it. I watched a movie today at the mall. That was probably the biggest hit on my morale thus far in my "pre-military" career. It's the hardest thing I've ever done to look on either side of me and see an empty seat.. To reach my arm over and not have any one grab onto it. To have a drink with no one to share with, and to have a small bag of popcorn that could last the entire movie.
It's so easy to underestimate a date. To take it for granted. I think the last time we actually went somewhere alone together with our only intention being to have fun and enjoy each other's company was when we tried to test drive that five-speed mustang at shamaley. Ya, it's an odd date, not as generic as going to the movies, but it was unique, and that's a term that frequently describes our relationship. Unique, yet traditional.
Anywho, I keep going off on tangents. When I get emotional and I have livejournal, the results are me speaking my mind. And my mind is going off in tangents.
When I signed that paper on October 13 (almost a year ago), where did I expect to be today. If everthing had gone according to that plan, I would still be at AIT. I would be at Fort Jackson, where I would get one phone call on Sunday, and my only communication would still be through letter writing. Let me tell you something about letter writing: It's not as romantic as you think. It means so much more to hear your loved one's voice. To hear her say she loves you. To hear her smack her lips as she gives you a kiss.......... But what if I hadn't gone through with signing that paper. I wouldn't be at NMMI, that's for damn sure. I would be at the only school I applied for, Texas A&M. I know I didn't have this future on my mind back then, so what provoked me to sign up. What was my motivation for doing something that on the surface seemed like the biggest mistake of my life?
I'll tell you what was on my mind. I remember that day like it was yesturday. I was thinking absolutely nothing. Just like on graduation day, nothing was running through my mind. I should have been thinking about the future. And more importantly, I should have been thinking about Christina.
Well... I wasn't thinking. But did that matter? Did I still make a mistake? Did I even posses the kind of power to make that mistake? I'm not at Fort Jackson and I'm not at A&M. I'm here. I'm in a mall. A secluded mall, but still a descent mall. And I'm looking at a ring.