Thoughts on mobility
I'm going to talk about disability in relation to me for a bit, mostly it's a bit of a winding road about my thoughts on how it relates to me.
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First of all, it is not my intent at all to upset or insult anyone, if my thoughts or my language do, please tell me.
Okay here's the thing, I have fibromyalgia. This means that I have pain and tirendess issues all over the place (and others, but let's just stick with these right now). I can't predict how I'll feel from one day to another and while my many (many) medications are certainly helping, there is no cure, only ways to have more good days than bad.
I was talking with my therapist and I used the phrase invisible disablity and then I said that I wasn't sure it applied to me and I'm still not sure if it does. The NYC DMV is certainly leaning towards yes, but I'll get back to that.
There's a lot of things I have delivered to my apartment. They fall into categories of 'heavy shit', 'shit that would wipe me out if I did it all on my own at a store' and 'there's no other way to get this shit'. The last one I'm sure all of you are familiar with (damn you my awesome new shampoo, damn you to heck).
I also do not always feel up to public transport. Sometimes I do not feel up to going outside. Or finding my bra.
My life is structured around my body's limitations. So I think in essence, I have an invisible disability (Though cane recs would be nice for the really bad days). I do not feel disabled, which I think is probably a good mental place, I just feel like the world is built to give people who don't have my problems an advantage.
The thing is though, I feel incredibly reluctant to take advantage of disabled resources. I printed out the parking permit forms to discuss them with my doctor and even inside my head I am constantly qualifying about how I only want it for certain times or certain situations and how if it's a small lot with only one or two blue painted spaces, I probably wouldn't use it. I'm not sure if it's that I have problems labeling myself disabled or if I feel really mobile most of the time and I forget that my really mobile is not everyone's really mobile. This is a bit of a retread for when I was first getting up my nerve to go to therapy and ask for drugs. I didn't feel like I was really depressed, that people way worse than me needed treatment, I maybe needed exercise.
...several drugs later (many at the same time), I know that's untrue and that even if I was only minorly sad, it didn't mean that I was wasting a doctor's time dealing with it.
At the next doc appt, I plan to ask him about two things:
1. Getting me out of Jury duty, because my local court is really only accessible by subway or bus and for me to do that every day for how long would be v. tough. Not to mention the duty itself, which would probably hurt me in various places and make it difficult to keep to my meds schedule.
2. A disabled parking permit. Which you can extrapolate why from the reasons above.
Part of me feels like I'm sort of whining and that I should leave the paperwork to people who 'really' need it, but I think I do really need it. On the form the reasons why one would need the permit pretty much cover me, at least on my worst days.
Also the cane thing was serious, something just for some extra support when my hips or knees are unhappy. Classy looking if possible. *G*
I welcome your thoughts.
\
First of all, it is not my intent at all to upset or insult anyone, if my thoughts or my language do, please tell me.
Okay here's the thing, I have fibromyalgia. This means that I have pain and tirendess issues all over the place (and others, but let's just stick with these right now). I can't predict how I'll feel from one day to another and while my many (many) medications are certainly helping, there is no cure, only ways to have more good days than bad.
I was talking with my therapist and I used the phrase invisible disablity and then I said that I wasn't sure it applied to me and I'm still not sure if it does. The NYC DMV is certainly leaning towards yes, but I'll get back to that.
There's a lot of things I have delivered to my apartment. They fall into categories of 'heavy shit', 'shit that would wipe me out if I did it all on my own at a store' and 'there's no other way to get this shit'. The last one I'm sure all of you are familiar with (damn you my awesome new shampoo, damn you to heck).
I also do not always feel up to public transport. Sometimes I do not feel up to going outside. Or finding my bra.
My life is structured around my body's limitations. So I think in essence, I have an invisible disability (Though cane recs would be nice for the really bad days). I do not feel disabled, which I think is probably a good mental place, I just feel like the world is built to give people who don't have my problems an advantage.
The thing is though, I feel incredibly reluctant to take advantage of disabled resources. I printed out the parking permit forms to discuss them with my doctor and even inside my head I am constantly qualifying about how I only want it for certain times or certain situations and how if it's a small lot with only one or two blue painted spaces, I probably wouldn't use it. I'm not sure if it's that I have problems labeling myself disabled or if I feel really mobile most of the time and I forget that my really mobile is not everyone's really mobile. This is a bit of a retread for when I was first getting up my nerve to go to therapy and ask for drugs. I didn't feel like I was really depressed, that people way worse than me needed treatment, I maybe needed exercise.
...several drugs later (many at the same time), I know that's untrue and that even if I was only minorly sad, it didn't mean that I was wasting a doctor's time dealing with it.
At the next doc appt, I plan to ask him about two things:
1. Getting me out of Jury duty, because my local court is really only accessible by subway or bus and for me to do that every day for how long would be v. tough. Not to mention the duty itself, which would probably hurt me in various places and make it difficult to keep to my meds schedule.
2. A disabled parking permit. Which you can extrapolate why from the reasons above.
Part of me feels like I'm sort of whining and that I should leave the paperwork to people who 'really' need it, but I think I do really need it. On the form the reasons why one would need the permit pretty much cover me, at least on my worst days.
Also the cane thing was serious, something just for some extra support when my hips or knees are unhappy. Classy looking if possible. *G*
I welcome your thoughts.