lifetime television for ovaries
OH. ALSO. HELEN FUCKING MIRREN. BITCH GETS SHIT DONE. She needs to do all voiceovers from now until the end of eternity. Or jsut the one narrating my life. Whatever. I'm not picky.
1. Okay. I'm not going to lie, I didn't think that even Glee would actually have the balls-- or be stupid enough-- to have a directionless high schooler propose to his girlfriend. I suppose that goes to show me that I should never underestimate the psychosis of these writers. Moving on for a moment so I can ponder that for a few more minutes.
2. Emma Pillsbury. Seriously, if there's one thing they've done right this season-- and really there's this and Mike and Tina's relationship and that's all-- it's her development. She used to drive me up a fucking wall, but now I really, really like her. She's real, and even when the people who love her can't separate the person from the disorder and it breaks her heart, she doesn't let her OCD be the entirety of her. And I really, really love that she put her foot down and was like "tihs is who I am, and if that's not good enough for you, then buck up and tell me now".
3. SUE. SUE SYLVESTER. I love you. Let's get married. How does that sound to you? She was outstanding. She was good to Emma, good to Beiste, good to Artie, great to Becky. Like, I can't tell you how much I love that she was like "dude, treat her like a normal person, that's all she wants."
4. And I really, really continue to love that Santana is the only other person who actually does treat her like a normal person. Santana is indiscriminately bitchy, and Becky doesn't get any special treatment. Word.
I also love her shoving Rachel off of the picnic table and snarking at her like always and holding hands with Brittany. Basically, Santana-- when her life isn't being dictated by Finn-- is unparalleled amounts of awesome.
5. Artie can suck a fuck. He's all "she knows what it's like to be treated differently because of a handicap" but then he can't find it in him to spare her some honesty and just say "I like you as a friend but I don't want to date you"? Right. I think I'm supposed to like Artie (again? still?), but yeah, no, I don't. At all.
6. TINA. HAVING LINES. Even if it was only like four. Whatever. Tina had lines and Tina is awesome and I think from now on out Tina is going to be my favorite. Because Tina isn't important enough to the writers to get fucked over, and she's consistently chill, and she's basically fantastic. That's that. Favorite.
Also, that little look she and Quinn shared during Scheuster's proposal? In my head they're now friends. Somebody write me friendship fic. Noooooow.
7. We were supposed to take those flashes during the girls' song as being first times seeing their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because. Uh. No. I refuse to believe that Santana and Brittany met for the first time on the Cheerios. Bitch, please. Those two have been biffles since they were in kindergarten. I don't care what kind of stupid pointless Lucy Caboosey retcon they throw at me, I will rewrite it in my head a million times over.
Then again, if that was supposed to be corresponding to Santana's line about first time laying her down...well then. Whole different story there. I'm very much behind the idea that it was high school and hormones and probably cheerleading skirts/practices/fondling that preceded their first time. That, I will believe.
8. I really, really wanted Emma to propose. I would have loved that so very much that I might have forgiven the rest of this episode. But I'll also admit that I liked the psychotic, somewhat terrifying singing swimming thing. Kudos to you, Samwise Fishlips. And, okay, I stand by my believe that Scheuster is both the worst teacher to ever teach and the worst boyfriend to ever boyfriend, but...I liked his speech. Ugh. Somebody slap me, please.
9. Okay, back to Finn and Rachel. I don't see why this whole your-dad-wasn't-a-hero deal was necessary, except to push Finn into proposing. But even then, it just makes him look desperate and terrified that he isn't going to be worthwhile if he doesn't hang onto Rachel's potential.
Finn, dear, just as Rachel doesn't need your big lumbering derpiness to make her complete or whole or even special, neither do you. You have good qualities. You're apparently a pretty solid mechanic, and clearly must not suck horribly at the business side of things, because Burt is wanting you to run the shop that's the livelihood for your entire family. You don't need to be a war hero or the armcandy to a Broadway star to be a good person, or to matter. You don't need Rachel to make you matter. You just need to be you. One of my friends is a personal trainer and the thing she always yells at people when they're about to give up is "you do you". In the end, you're what you need-- not your girlfriend, not your father's legacy, not your psychotic boundary-less teacher's prodigy. You're just you. Be you, and stop trying to search for a way to be extraordinary.
Similarly. Rachel. What the fuckity fuck? Stop that longing staring and crazy song-talk right now. I'm so tired of you being all "oh, Finn, you make me a better person. I need you to keep me on the right path. I need you to feel like I'm good enough." No. NO. I will slap you upside your head so many times it won't even be funny. I will send the terrifying swim lady after you. I will send Sue after you. FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT, CHICA. You don't need Finn to be a good person, or to support you. You can be whatever you want, regardless of having him at your side or riding on your coattails. You're Rachel fucking Berry, for fuck's sake.
In summation: Rachel and Finn need to be single. Not dating other people, not on a break, none of that. Rachel needs to be Rachel, and Finn needs to be Finn. The both of them need to relearn how to stand on their own two feet, without a significant other propping them up. This bipolar crazytown ride they're on, where they're engaged in this constant push-and-pull, break-up-and-make-up, want-what-you-don't-have? That's unhealthy. Rachel's too shortsighted and tunnel visioned to see that she's losing important parts of herself to satisfy this perceived need to be with Finn (and yes, I know, relationships can involve compromise and change and that's not inherently bad, but Rachel degrades her own determination and drive when she's with Finn, and talks down about her own moral character, and constantly holds him up as some paragon of virtue, and that is not healthy); Finn wants evreything he doesn't have and more and treats Rachel almost like a child he has to babysit-- ignoring half of what she says and alternating between being borderline-domineering and a total pushover. Not. Healthy. Their relationship, as it has been written, is bordering on toxic, and both characters need time and distance and maturity to overcome that and have the possibility of a real, healthy future together.
But oh, okay, we'll have Finn propose. Whatever. ad;sghad;gjha. Here's to hoping that Rachel says no. PLEASE.
10. Uneven nipples.
ETA: Okay. So. I normally avoid all things Glee on tumblr, because people on tumblr are crazy and people who like Glee are crazier, and the two together is have this synergy that results in an atomic bomb of psychotic shipping and cast-stalking. But...I kinda wanted to download a few of the songs, and was struggling to find decent copies. So I ventured onto tumblr and took a look around.
Oh. My. God. I saw so many "suck on that, people who hate finchel!" posts. "The proposal proves it all!" "Best relationship ever!" "SO SWEET."
ad;ljgha;lgjag
I swear on Jesus and the gnostic gospels and my extended edition Lord of the Rings blurays and my motorcycle that if I had children, the onyl way they would get to watch this show would be with me right next to them so I could beat it into their heads that this is how relationships SHOULD NOT WORK. This is also why I should never ever ever have children. Because seriously, it is horrifying to think that there are people out there who think that Finn and Rachel's relationship-- or Will and Emma's, though it's not as bad as the former-- is healthy or good.
He can't remember that she's vegan! She wanted to sleep with him for the sake of a musical! He, as far as we know, still hasn't apologize for egging her back before the pilot (did he legitimately apologize for the whole banging-Santana thing? I can't remember)! She pressures him into pursuing an education at NYADA just so she won't lose him! He plants a kiss on her in the middle of a national competition a day after she told him she didn't want to get back together with him. She leaps to making out with his best friend when they're having a fight. How is any of this good?
I hate people.
1. Okay. I'm not going to lie, I didn't think that even Glee would actually have the balls-- or be stupid enough-- to have a directionless high schooler propose to his girlfriend. I suppose that goes to show me that I should never underestimate the psychosis of these writers. Moving on for a moment so I can ponder that for a few more minutes.
2. Emma Pillsbury. Seriously, if there's one thing they've done right this season-- and really there's this and Mike and Tina's relationship and that's all-- it's her development. She used to drive me up a fucking wall, but now I really, really like her. She's real, and even when the people who love her can't separate the person from the disorder and it breaks her heart, she doesn't let her OCD be the entirety of her. And I really, really love that she put her foot down and was like "tihs is who I am, and if that's not good enough for you, then buck up and tell me now".
3. SUE. SUE SYLVESTER. I love you. Let's get married. How does that sound to you? She was outstanding. She was good to Emma, good to Beiste, good to Artie, great to Becky. Like, I can't tell you how much I love that she was like "dude, treat her like a normal person, that's all she wants."
4. And I really, really continue to love that Santana is the only other person who actually does treat her like a normal person. Santana is indiscriminately bitchy, and Becky doesn't get any special treatment. Word.
I also love her shoving Rachel off of the picnic table and snarking at her like always and holding hands with Brittany. Basically, Santana-- when her life isn't being dictated by Finn-- is unparalleled amounts of awesome.
5. Artie can suck a fuck. He's all "she knows what it's like to be treated differently because of a handicap" but then he can't find it in him to spare her some honesty and just say "I like you as a friend but I don't want to date you"? Right. I think I'm supposed to like Artie (again? still?), but yeah, no, I don't. At all.
6. TINA. HAVING LINES. Even if it was only like four. Whatever. Tina had lines and Tina is awesome and I think from now on out Tina is going to be my favorite. Because Tina isn't important enough to the writers to get fucked over, and she's consistently chill, and she's basically fantastic. That's that. Favorite.
Also, that little look she and Quinn shared during Scheuster's proposal? In my head they're now friends. Somebody write me friendship fic. Noooooow.
7. We were supposed to take those flashes during the girls' song as being first times seeing their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because. Uh. No. I refuse to believe that Santana and Brittany met for the first time on the Cheerios. Bitch, please. Those two have been biffles since they were in kindergarten. I don't care what kind of stupid pointless Lucy Caboosey retcon they throw at me, I will rewrite it in my head a million times over.
Then again, if that was supposed to be corresponding to Santana's line about first time laying her down...well then. Whole different story there. I'm very much behind the idea that it was high school and hormones and probably cheerleading skirts/practices/fondling that preceded their first time. That, I will believe.
8. I really, really wanted Emma to propose. I would have loved that so very much that I might have forgiven the rest of this episode. But I'll also admit that I liked the psychotic, somewhat terrifying singing swimming thing. Kudos to you, Samwise Fishlips. And, okay, I stand by my believe that Scheuster is both the worst teacher to ever teach and the worst boyfriend to ever boyfriend, but...I liked his speech. Ugh. Somebody slap me, please.
9. Okay, back to Finn and Rachel. I don't see why this whole your-dad-wasn't-a-hero deal was necessary, except to push Finn into proposing. But even then, it just makes him look desperate and terrified that he isn't going to be worthwhile if he doesn't hang onto Rachel's potential.
Finn, dear, just as Rachel doesn't need your big lumbering derpiness to make her complete or whole or even special, neither do you. You have good qualities. You're apparently a pretty solid mechanic, and clearly must not suck horribly at the business side of things, because Burt is wanting you to run the shop that's the livelihood for your entire family. You don't need to be a war hero or the armcandy to a Broadway star to be a good person, or to matter. You don't need Rachel to make you matter. You just need to be you. One of my friends is a personal trainer and the thing she always yells at people when they're about to give up is "you do you". In the end, you're what you need-- not your girlfriend, not your father's legacy, not your psychotic boundary-less teacher's prodigy. You're just you. Be you, and stop trying to search for a way to be extraordinary.
Similarly. Rachel. What the fuckity fuck? Stop that longing staring and crazy song-talk right now. I'm so tired of you being all "oh, Finn, you make me a better person. I need you to keep me on the right path. I need you to feel like I'm good enough." No. NO. I will slap you upside your head so many times it won't even be funny. I will send the terrifying swim lady after you. I will send Sue after you. FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT, CHICA. You don't need Finn to be a good person, or to support you. You can be whatever you want, regardless of having him at your side or riding on your coattails. You're Rachel fucking Berry, for fuck's sake.
In summation: Rachel and Finn need to be single. Not dating other people, not on a break, none of that. Rachel needs to be Rachel, and Finn needs to be Finn. The both of them need to relearn how to stand on their own two feet, without a significant other propping them up. This bipolar crazytown ride they're on, where they're engaged in this constant push-and-pull, break-up-and-make-up, want-what-you-don't-have? That's unhealthy. Rachel's too shortsighted and tunnel visioned to see that she's losing important parts of herself to satisfy this perceived need to be with Finn (and yes, I know, relationships can involve compromise and change and that's not inherently bad, but Rachel degrades her own determination and drive when she's with Finn, and talks down about her own moral character, and constantly holds him up as some paragon of virtue, and that is not healthy); Finn wants evreything he doesn't have and more and treats Rachel almost like a child he has to babysit-- ignoring half of what she says and alternating between being borderline-domineering and a total pushover. Not. Healthy. Their relationship, as it has been written, is bordering on toxic, and both characters need time and distance and maturity to overcome that and have the possibility of a real, healthy future together.
But oh, okay, we'll have Finn propose. Whatever. ad;sghad;gjha. Here's to hoping that Rachel says no. PLEASE.
10. Uneven nipples.
ETA: Okay. So. I normally avoid all things Glee on tumblr, because people on tumblr are crazy and people who like Glee are crazier, and the two together is have this synergy that results in an atomic bomb of psychotic shipping and cast-stalking. But...I kinda wanted to download a few of the songs, and was struggling to find decent copies. So I ventured onto tumblr and took a look around.
Oh. My. God. I saw so many "suck on that, people who hate finchel!" posts. "The proposal proves it all!" "Best relationship ever!" "SO SWEET."
ad;ljgha;lgjag
I swear on Jesus and the gnostic gospels and my extended edition Lord of the Rings blurays and my motorcycle that if I had children, the onyl way they would get to watch this show would be with me right next to them so I could beat it into their heads that this is how relationships SHOULD NOT WORK. This is also why I should never ever ever have children. Because seriously, it is horrifying to think that there are people out there who think that Finn and Rachel's relationship-- or Will and Emma's, though it's not as bad as the former-- is healthy or good.
He can't remember that she's vegan! She wanted to sleep with him for the sake of a musical! He, as far as we know, still hasn't apologize for egging her back before the pilot (did he legitimately apologize for the whole banging-Santana thing? I can't remember)! She pressures him into pursuing an education at NYADA just so she won't lose him! He plants a kiss on her in the middle of a national competition a day after she told him she didn't want to get back together with him. She leaps to making out with his best friend when they're having a fight. How is any of this good?
I hate people.