Hiatus.
I'm trying to stay away from LiveJournal for this week. As much as it kills me, this has to be done. I still have some more homework to complete. So, sorry for late replies. All I shall do is post up chapter two of my fic. So bye for now LJ :D
Also, I've deleted all my really old entries because they suck.
Please enjoy the fic :D
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Title: I need suggestions!
Characters: Yamada Ryosuke, OC & Keito Okamoto
Rating: PG-13
Chapters: 2/?
Genre: Love/Angst/Violence
Disclaimer: All members of Hey Say Jump belong to Johnny Kitagawa. I only own the disgusting and boring plot.
Summary: There’s a new student at school and Yamada has fallen for her. But will his dark past interfere with this blooming romance?
Note: Some people have interpreted the paragraphs in italics as dreams. Let me just say one thing, these are dreams but they are sort of like flashbacks of his past. So everything he is dreaming of has actually happened. Sorry for not making this clear.
Preview: 'Did I deserve to be here in this beautiful world full of perfect people and smiling faces?'
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After what felt like hours of standing in the rain, I took a deep breath and tried to recollect my thoughts. Why did my heart feel like it was carrying fifty tones of weight? How could I be reacting this way towards someone I hardly knew? For some reason, seeing her with Keito killed me. I was soaked from head to toe. And my body felt heavy. I wanted to run from everything, all my problems and all my flaws. I chucked my umbrella on the ground, threw my bag against the school gates. And before I knew it, I was running. And my destination? Anywhere but here.
I reached a vast field, threw myself at the grass and stared up at the sky. The clouds had cleared and the sun came out. What a beautiful day. I felt so out of place. Did I deserve to be here in this beautiful world full of perfect people and smiling faces? I felt like a black and white picture among a pile of coloured images.
Breathe. Just breathe. This is just another one of those moments where you have been defeated. Move on. Like all the other times.
To calm myself down, I reached into my pocket, took out my iPod and listened to my favourite song, Mad World, the anthem to my life.
I looked at my watch. 6:30 pm. School finished at 3pm. Great. I exceeded my curfew. The sun had already left the sky. I stood up from the field and wiped all the grass of my clothes. The field was filled with sunflowers. They almost smelled exactly like -
Stop thinking about her.
She means nothing to you.
You mean nothing to her.
She loves Keito.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to rip the smile out of everyone’s faces. How did everyone manage to look so happy except for me?
I looked up at the sky and prayed.
Let me be happy. I’m sick of living in a pool of sadness.
In an attempt to forget everything, I ran home.
Panting, I unlocked the front door and slowly opened it.
“Yamada, why are you so late? Didn’t you remember, it’s your birthday today!”, my foster mum asked me, trying to read my expression. I looked around the room. There were balloons everywhere. Happy Birthday Yamada was written on bits of coloured paper all over the walls. A massive cake sat on the kitchen counter, complete with seventeen candles. I hugged my foster mum. “Thank you for this. Really. It means a lot”, I told her, failing to hold in my happiness. I smiled as we separated from our embrace. My foster mother gave me a piece of cake. I took a seat on the couch and ate it, savoring every single bite. I felt light-headed. My older sister and younger brother both had sparklers, waving them around the room, creating temporary images. They weren’t my real siblings obviously but I liked to think of them as my real siblings. Life is easier when I don’t have to think about everything I went through to end up as a foster child. All of a sudden, darkness consumed me as I passed out on the couch.
I didn’t know what to do. Should I run? Or should I call the police and tell them what happened? They wouldn’t believe me. No one will. My hands quivered as I took my phone out of my pocket. 10:30 pm. My mum and dad weren’t home yet. I dialed the number of the police. I snapped my phone shut. I couldn’t do it. Who else could I turn to for help? I stared at the list of my contacts. Yabu? No. I couldn’t let him see me in this state. Hikaru? He wouldn’t take me seriously. Chinen? Nah. He was too soft and frankly, he was a sissy. We all attended different schools so I hadn’t spoken to any of them in a while. Everyone else seemed like a bad idea. Everyone but Keito. But we weren’t even that close. And what would he think of me after he saw all this? It didn’t matter. I needed to get away from here as soon as possible. I hurriedly dialed his number whilst wiping sweat from my forehead. He answered on the first ring. “Hello?”, he asked, sounding like he had just woken up. “Keito. This is Yamada. I don’t know what to do. It just all happened to quickly. AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. And it’s all my fault. And now their dead and everyone will think that I killed them!”, I explained, holding back tears. But it was too late. I broke down in the alley and started to cry uncontrollably. “Yamada? Stay with me. Are you alright? And where are you?”, he asked, sounding genuinely worried. To be honest, I hadn’t taken notice of where I was. “I don’t know. He led me here. I don’t know where I am! Please, help me! PLEASE!”.
“HELP ME! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! PLEASE”.
Just like this morning, history started to repeat itself.
“RYO! RYO! IT’S JUST A BAD DREAM! WAKE UP!”. I heard distant voices coming from all directions. I felt like I was shaking. All I could see was darkness. I looked around and noticed that someone was looking down on me. It was my sister. “It’s okay Yamada. You just fell asleep on the couch and had a bad dream. You’re awake now. Everything will be alright”, my sister assured me, hugging me tightly with no intention of letting go. I broke down in her arms, letting out all my bottled-up emotions. She gently stroked my hair and I took comfort in her words.
Everything will be alright. I didn’t believe them at all. But, that was my one wish.
I wiped the tears away with my fingers.
What was happening to me?
Maybe it’s about time I gave those pills a chance.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Any kind of feedback is welcomed. Even criticism.
Thank you for reading :D
Also, I've deleted all my really old entries because they suck.
Please enjoy the fic :D
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Title: I need suggestions!
Characters: Yamada Ryosuke, OC & Keito Okamoto
Rating: PG-13
Chapters: 2/?
Genre: Love/Angst/Violence
Disclaimer: All members of Hey Say Jump belong to Johnny Kitagawa. I only own the disgusting and boring plot.
Summary: There’s a new student at school and Yamada has fallen for her. But will his dark past interfere with this blooming romance?
Note: Some people have interpreted the paragraphs in italics as dreams. Let me just say one thing, these are dreams but they are sort of like flashbacks of his past. So everything he is dreaming of has actually happened. Sorry for not making this clear.
Preview: 'Did I deserve to be here in this beautiful world full of perfect people and smiling faces?'
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
After what felt like hours of standing in the rain, I took a deep breath and tried to recollect my thoughts. Why did my heart feel like it was carrying fifty tones of weight? How could I be reacting this way towards someone I hardly knew? For some reason, seeing her with Keito killed me. I was soaked from head to toe. And my body felt heavy. I wanted to run from everything, all my problems and all my flaws. I chucked my umbrella on the ground, threw my bag against the school gates. And before I knew it, I was running. And my destination? Anywhere but here.
I reached a vast field, threw myself at the grass and stared up at the sky. The clouds had cleared and the sun came out. What a beautiful day. I felt so out of place. Did I deserve to be here in this beautiful world full of perfect people and smiling faces? I felt like a black and white picture among a pile of coloured images.
Breathe. Just breathe. This is just another one of those moments where you have been defeated. Move on. Like all the other times.
To calm myself down, I reached into my pocket, took out my iPod and listened to my favourite song, Mad World, the anthem to my life.
I looked at my watch. 6:30 pm. School finished at 3pm. Great. I exceeded my curfew. The sun had already left the sky. I stood up from the field and wiped all the grass of my clothes. The field was filled with sunflowers. They almost smelled exactly like -
Stop thinking about her.
She means nothing to you.
You mean nothing to her.
She loves Keito.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to rip the smile out of everyone’s faces. How did everyone manage to look so happy except for me?
I looked up at the sky and prayed.
Let me be happy. I’m sick of living in a pool of sadness.
In an attempt to forget everything, I ran home.
Panting, I unlocked the front door and slowly opened it.
“Yamada, why are you so late? Didn’t you remember, it’s your birthday today!”, my foster mum asked me, trying to read my expression. I looked around the room. There were balloons everywhere. Happy Birthday Yamada was written on bits of coloured paper all over the walls. A massive cake sat on the kitchen counter, complete with seventeen candles. I hugged my foster mum. “Thank you for this. Really. It means a lot”, I told her, failing to hold in my happiness. I smiled as we separated from our embrace. My foster mother gave me a piece of cake. I took a seat on the couch and ate it, savoring every single bite. I felt light-headed. My older sister and younger brother both had sparklers, waving them around the room, creating temporary images. They weren’t my real siblings obviously but I liked to think of them as my real siblings. Life is easier when I don’t have to think about everything I went through to end up as a foster child. All of a sudden, darkness consumed me as I passed out on the couch.
I didn’t know what to do. Should I run? Or should I call the police and tell them what happened? They wouldn’t believe me. No one will. My hands quivered as I took my phone out of my pocket. 10:30 pm. My mum and dad weren’t home yet. I dialed the number of the police. I snapped my phone shut. I couldn’t do it. Who else could I turn to for help? I stared at the list of my contacts. Yabu? No. I couldn’t let him see me in this state. Hikaru? He wouldn’t take me seriously. Chinen? Nah. He was too soft and frankly, he was a sissy. We all attended different schools so I hadn’t spoken to any of them in a while. Everyone else seemed like a bad idea. Everyone but Keito. But we weren’t even that close. And what would he think of me after he saw all this? It didn’t matter. I needed to get away from here as soon as possible. I hurriedly dialed his number whilst wiping sweat from my forehead. He answered on the first ring. “Hello?”, he asked, sounding like he had just woken up. “Keito. This is Yamada. I don’t know what to do. It just all happened to quickly. AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. And it’s all my fault. And now their dead and everyone will think that I killed them!”, I explained, holding back tears. But it was too late. I broke down in the alley and started to cry uncontrollably. “Yamada? Stay with me. Are you alright? And where are you?”, he asked, sounding genuinely worried. To be honest, I hadn’t taken notice of where I was. “I don’t know. He led me here. I don’t know where I am! Please, help me! PLEASE!”.
“HELP ME! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! PLEASE”.
Just like this morning, history started to repeat itself.
“RYO! RYO! IT’S JUST A BAD DREAM! WAKE UP!”. I heard distant voices coming from all directions. I felt like I was shaking. All I could see was darkness. I looked around and noticed that someone was looking down on me. It was my sister. “It’s okay Yamada. You just fell asleep on the couch and had a bad dream. You’re awake now. Everything will be alright”, my sister assured me, hugging me tightly with no intention of letting go. I broke down in her arms, letting out all my bottled-up emotions. She gently stroked my hair and I took comfort in her words.
Everything will be alright. I didn’t believe them at all. But, that was my one wish.
I wiped the tears away with my fingers.
What was happening to me?
Maybe it’s about time I gave those pills a chance.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Any kind of feedback is welcomed. Even criticism.
Thank you for reading :D