i'm restless
i dont miss him.
i dont.
he's everything i dont want in a man.
so why do i keep thinking about him?
why do i feel this way everytime i'm reminded of him?
why do i feel so hurt to see the way he talks about her?
maybe because he was my first love. my only love.
maybe because we never had closure.
maybe just being home doesnt feel the same without him.
after all, he was a huge part of my life here.
i dont know.
i just dont know.
i wish i didnt get like this.
i keep thinking about tucker.
and about how i hope one day we can be where me & jamie were.
but that's a stupid thing to do.
because i really feel, deep down, that we will never be that serious.
and he will never care for me the way jamie did.
there i said his name. wierd.
i dont want to be let down.
i dont know if i can be let down right now.
i dont feel stable enough to be that hurt right now.
god damnit i wish i had a cigarette.
i wish i was back at school.
i need to be around megan and tucker and have something to distract me.
granted i love my friends, but being here only reminds me of how much i miss him.
everywhere i look there are memories attached.
memories that, for some reason, i am desperately holding on to.
why do i still feel this way?
someone tell me, please.
i am dooming myself. as gwen says, i am diving into my own destruction.
i am so emotionally attached to this figment of my past.
and in an attempt to get past that i am throwing my heart at this other guy.
hoping desperately that he will take the place of jamie
and i will finally feel whole and happy again.
but i know, that it wont work out like that.
that eventually things between me & tucker will fizzle out.
and i will be crushed.
god i hope i'm wrong.
well i s'pose i should do something about it.
rather than just sit here writing about it.
but i just dont know how to make this better.
how do i move past this?
do i talk to him? do i tell him how i feel?
i cant, he's in bed with nikki.
well i s'pose that answers that.
goodnight <3
i dont.
he's everything i dont want in a man.
so why do i keep thinking about him?
why do i feel this way everytime i'm reminded of him?
why do i feel so hurt to see the way he talks about her?
maybe because he was my first love. my only love.
maybe because we never had closure.
maybe just being home doesnt feel the same without him.
after all, he was a huge part of my life here.
i dont know.
i just dont know.
i wish i didnt get like this.
i keep thinking about tucker.
and about how i hope one day we can be where me & jamie were.
but that's a stupid thing to do.
because i really feel, deep down, that we will never be that serious.
and he will never care for me the way jamie did.
there i said his name. wierd.
i dont want to be let down.
i dont know if i can be let down right now.
i dont feel stable enough to be that hurt right now.
god damnit i wish i had a cigarette.
i wish i was back at school.
i need to be around megan and tucker and have something to distract me.
granted i love my friends, but being here only reminds me of how much i miss him.
everywhere i look there are memories attached.
memories that, for some reason, i am desperately holding on to.
why do i still feel this way?
someone tell me, please.
i am dooming myself. as gwen says, i am diving into my own destruction.
i am so emotionally attached to this figment of my past.
and in an attempt to get past that i am throwing my heart at this other guy.
hoping desperately that he will take the place of jamie
and i will finally feel whole and happy again.
but i know, that it wont work out like that.
that eventually things between me & tucker will fizzle out.
and i will be crushed.
god i hope i'm wrong.
well i s'pose i should do something about it.
rather than just sit here writing about it.
but i just dont know how to make this better.
how do i move past this?
do i talk to him? do i tell him how i feel?
i cant, he's in bed with nikki.
well i s'pose that answers that.
goodnight <3