(no subject)
when i was young i used to be friends with my neighbor's granddaughter, emily. we used to play hide & go seek for hours on end, always using the same places. after all, his house isn't that big. but we enjoyed ourselves and used to break out into fits of giggles.
one time my mom called and wanted me to come home for dinner. i begged her to let me stay and play a little longer, since i didnt get to see emily often. she said okay, i'll give you five more minutes.. i said "moooom! five minutes! more than that.. 10". she said "8". i agreed and hung up the phone.
and for the next eight minutes, me & emily played more hide & go seek than i can imagine. those eight minutes seemed to last forever. and i'm not talking "oh my god this class is going so slowww.." i mean it really felt as if those eight minutes had been an hour. two hours. it's the one memory i have of time moving that slow. i like to remember that sometimes.
these days i feel like there aren't enough minutes in an hour, not enough hours in a day. every day there are millions of things i have to do, and even more that i want to do. but for some reason every day feels cut short. i can never accomplish what i want to. it feels as though every day i go to school for six long hours, only to come home and have a couple hours to do the things i need to do for hte next day before i rush off to dance. and now, with a boyfriend in my life, there is even less time.
if i had all the time in the world, there are so many things i would do. so many people i would just sit down with for hours. but now it seems hard for me to even come up with an hour or two to give people. i hate that. i hate feeling like i cant even give people my time, because if it were up to me: i would. but for some reason, it isnt up to me anymore. i think i hate that even more. that i feel as if i have no choice in the matter. it's as if mom is only giving me eight minutes again. only this time, it doesn't last forever.
one time my mom called and wanted me to come home for dinner. i begged her to let me stay and play a little longer, since i didnt get to see emily often. she said okay, i'll give you five more minutes.. i said "moooom! five minutes! more than that.. 10". she said "8". i agreed and hung up the phone.
and for the next eight minutes, me & emily played more hide & go seek than i can imagine. those eight minutes seemed to last forever. and i'm not talking "oh my god this class is going so slowww.." i mean it really felt as if those eight minutes had been an hour. two hours. it's the one memory i have of time moving that slow. i like to remember that sometimes.
these days i feel like there aren't enough minutes in an hour, not enough hours in a day. every day there are millions of things i have to do, and even more that i want to do. but for some reason every day feels cut short. i can never accomplish what i want to. it feels as though every day i go to school for six long hours, only to come home and have a couple hours to do the things i need to do for hte next day before i rush off to dance. and now, with a boyfriend in my life, there is even less time.
if i had all the time in the world, there are so many things i would do. so many people i would just sit down with for hours. but now it seems hard for me to even come up with an hour or two to give people. i hate that. i hate feeling like i cant even give people my time, because if it were up to me: i would. but for some reason, it isnt up to me anymore. i think i hate that even more. that i feel as if i have no choice in the matter. it's as if mom is only giving me eight minutes again. only this time, it doesn't last forever.