Self-Rec Saturday - Dark Side of the Moon Rewatch Review
Just taking the opportunity to rec another one of my reviews - especially the introduction - which I reread this week and was honestly impressed by LOL. I'll copy the introduction here and if you like, please take a look at the review with gifs and screencaps as well.
(Written May 9, 2015)
It's Friday again, and I have the house to myself for the morning/afternoon to write quietly so hopefully I'll get this done early and have time to actually reread it properly(not!). Thanks everyone for reading these and for your comments. I know I sometimes do an awful job of it. This episode is very special to me and I will do my best to tell you why.
The main outcome of the episode is that Dean's insecurities of old resurface and discourage him so much that, finding a dead end in the search for God, he gives up completely, while Sam actually has a chance to see things a bit more from Dean's perspective which, in combination with the warning by Joshua, helps him deal with Dean and help turn him around in future episodes.
There is an underlying theme here about normal life as well, and how Dean tried to provide it for his own family, while Sam looked for it elsewhere because he had grown up without having experienced a mother's love at all. We see a bit of longing by Sam for what Dean had had.
We knew before from Skin and Shadow that Dean felt abandoned by Dad and by Sam but we find out here that this insecurity actually started way before. It starts with the rocky relationship between dad and mom when he is only three. They fight (they probably fought a lot: it was only a perfect marriage after she died after all), and dad leaves. Dean and mom are left all alone, hurt and abandoned. This is maybe the first time that Dean realizes he does not have a hold over his loved ones. They could leave him at any time without regard for his feelings on the matter. He looks to his mom and sees someone he can take care of and comfort. He sees himself as her guardian, responsible for her, so weak and vulnerable. It's OK. Daddy still loves you. I love you. I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. And she calls him her angel and he feels so loved. And then it happens again. This time, Mom dies and abandons him and dad. He has thoughts that maybe he had been a burden to her all along? Maybe she was glad to be rid of him... But he can't wallow in his pain and loneliness because there are two people who need his comfort and protection. Dad and Sam. Just as he did for mom, he comforts dad when he comes back from a difficult hunt(In My Time of Dying). He takes care of Sam - he would have anyway even if dad had not said anything (All Hell Breaks Loose I). He keeps the secret of dad's work until he can't anymore, then comforts Sam the only way he knows how (A Very Supernatural Christmas). He takes comfort in the small happiness, cradling the loneliness he has inside, which Amanda sees and calls him on in Afterschool Special. He does everything dad wants him to, copies everything he does, desperate for approval... desperate not to lose Dad- not to be abandoned again.
But as Sam grows up, Sam starts rebelling against dad and they start fighting - just like mom and dad so long ago. He tries so hard to mediate but it doesn't do any good. It must be something he didn't do right because Sam just leaves. He abandons Dean, just like dad. Just like mom. Then, finally Dad leaves again without saying a word, and Dean wonders ALONE in pain... WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM THAT EVERYONE JUST LEAVES? Maybe it is because Dad loves Sam more than him(Devil's Trap). Maybe it is because he's not good enough(Dream a Little Dream).
He wants so much just for his family to be together. He goes to get Sam and somehow they end up together again, even though Sam still wants to go back to the normal life he had created for himself. Dean acts on the hope that if they can find Dad, he can get the family back together again. That hope is shattered when dad dies to save him. HIM, the one that was not worth saving. The one that should have died.
If only mom had never died... And when the djin gives him the dream life with mom alive and Sam living a happy normal life he wants to stay, even though he knows it is just a dream. If mom hadn't died, none of this would have happened. They could have had a normal life, and no one would have abandoned him.
But he knows that Sam needs him back in the real world and he CAN'T ABANDON SAM. So he comes back.
He has another chance in In the Beginning to change things. Save mom. And he goes into it with his whole heart. It doesn't matter if all those people they saved as hunters died - as long as he has his family back. But of course he fails.
Then in When the Levee Breaks, Sam abandons him again. This time because he trusts a demon over Dean. Considering the past above, is it surprising that he is so disillusioned by this and that he tells Sam he can't trust him anymore? And yet he realizes in The End that they have to stay together for Sam not to say yes. So he gets up his nerve again and gets back together with Sam. This time, Sam has a few conditions. Conditions on being together. If it means Sam's not going to abandon him again? He agrees. wholeheartedly.
As things get worse and worse and the chances of winning the war against angels and demons become slimmer, Dean still keeps going despite feeling empty inside because of his still shaky belief that Sam feels the same way, and if he does, then he's sure not going to abandon Sam. And this is where we have this episode. The pain and the heartache and sadness we see in this episode ... there are no words.
I'm sorry for the long prose, but I wanted to explain this first before I started so that it would help you see how I view each scene in the episode.
Read the rest here
(Written May 9, 2015)
It's Friday again, and I have the house to myself for the morning/afternoon to write quietly so hopefully I'll get this done early and have time to actually reread it properly(not!). Thanks everyone for reading these and for your comments. I know I sometimes do an awful job of it. This episode is very special to me and I will do my best to tell you why.
The main outcome of the episode is that Dean's insecurities of old resurface and discourage him so much that, finding a dead end in the search for God, he gives up completely, while Sam actually has a chance to see things a bit more from Dean's perspective which, in combination with the warning by Joshua, helps him deal with Dean and help turn him around in future episodes.
There is an underlying theme here about normal life as well, and how Dean tried to provide it for his own family, while Sam looked for it elsewhere because he had grown up without having experienced a mother's love at all. We see a bit of longing by Sam for what Dean had had.
We knew before from Skin and Shadow that Dean felt abandoned by Dad and by Sam but we find out here that this insecurity actually started way before. It starts with the rocky relationship between dad and mom when he is only three. They fight (they probably fought a lot: it was only a perfect marriage after she died after all), and dad leaves. Dean and mom are left all alone, hurt and abandoned. This is maybe the first time that Dean realizes he does not have a hold over his loved ones. They could leave him at any time without regard for his feelings on the matter. He looks to his mom and sees someone he can take care of and comfort. He sees himself as her guardian, responsible for her, so weak and vulnerable. It's OK. Daddy still loves you. I love you. I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. And she calls him her angel and he feels so loved. And then it happens again. This time, Mom dies and abandons him and dad. He has thoughts that maybe he had been a burden to her all along? Maybe she was glad to be rid of him... But he can't wallow in his pain and loneliness because there are two people who need his comfort and protection. Dad and Sam. Just as he did for mom, he comforts dad when he comes back from a difficult hunt(In My Time of Dying). He takes care of Sam - he would have anyway even if dad had not said anything (All Hell Breaks Loose I). He keeps the secret of dad's work until he can't anymore, then comforts Sam the only way he knows how (A Very Supernatural Christmas). He takes comfort in the small happiness, cradling the loneliness he has inside, which Amanda sees and calls him on in Afterschool Special. He does everything dad wants him to, copies everything he does, desperate for approval... desperate not to lose Dad- not to be abandoned again.
But as Sam grows up, Sam starts rebelling against dad and they start fighting - just like mom and dad so long ago. He tries so hard to mediate but it doesn't do any good. It must be something he didn't do right because Sam just leaves. He abandons Dean, just like dad. Just like mom. Then, finally Dad leaves again without saying a word, and Dean wonders ALONE in pain... WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM THAT EVERYONE JUST LEAVES? Maybe it is because Dad loves Sam more than him(Devil's Trap). Maybe it is because he's not good enough(Dream a Little Dream).
He wants so much just for his family to be together. He goes to get Sam and somehow they end up together again, even though Sam still wants to go back to the normal life he had created for himself. Dean acts on the hope that if they can find Dad, he can get the family back together again. That hope is shattered when dad dies to save him. HIM, the one that was not worth saving. The one that should have died.
If only mom had never died... And when the djin gives him the dream life with mom alive and Sam living a happy normal life he wants to stay, even though he knows it is just a dream. If mom hadn't died, none of this would have happened. They could have had a normal life, and no one would have abandoned him.
But he knows that Sam needs him back in the real world and he CAN'T ABANDON SAM. So he comes back.
He has another chance in In the Beginning to change things. Save mom. And he goes into it with his whole heart. It doesn't matter if all those people they saved as hunters died - as long as he has his family back. But of course he fails.
Then in When the Levee Breaks, Sam abandons him again. This time because he trusts a demon over Dean. Considering the past above, is it surprising that he is so disillusioned by this and that he tells Sam he can't trust him anymore? And yet he realizes in The End that they have to stay together for Sam not to say yes. So he gets up his nerve again and gets back together with Sam. This time, Sam has a few conditions. Conditions on being together. If it means Sam's not going to abandon him again? He agrees. wholeheartedly.
As things get worse and worse and the chances of winning the war against angels and demons become slimmer, Dean still keeps going despite feeling empty inside because of his still shaky belief that Sam feels the same way, and if he does, then he's sure not going to abandon Sam. And this is where we have this episode. The pain and the heartache and sadness we see in this episode ... there are no words.
I'm sorry for the long prose, but I wanted to explain this first before I started so that it would help you see how I view each scene in the episode.
Read the rest here