Studying Malignant Narcissism: A Personal, yet Psychologically Educational Point of View
Narcissism, specifically, Malignant Narcissism, has become an interesting subject for me. I've had personal experience with malignant narcissists. I dated one for about 9 months, and despite the fact that it was a short time, it was definitely enough to deal with when it came to the emotional and verbal abuse that I succumbed to. I did not know what it was then. I just remember that I believed every horrible thing he said about me and then believed that it was my fault he said those horrible things. He was an actor who, while he was not very good on the stage, he was awesome at playing the victim in life. Malignant narcissists tend to play the role of the victim especially when they are caught doing wrong. They hate it when their narcissism is brought to light and will make it a point to make you feel like you were the one who was lying or in the wrong and that it caused them to "react" the way they did. Their tolerance for criticism is lacking especially when it comes to the truth. The reason for this is because truth forces them to face their own malignant narcissism. Despite their "self-love" it is really a disguise for their own deep rooted self-hate. Where does it come from, though? How does it get started? Surely something had to give for them to stay pathological children.
NARCISSISTIC INJURY
"Any threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception(False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).
The narcissist is constantly on the lookout for slights. He is hyper vigilant. He perceives every disagreement as criticism and every critical remark as complete and humiliating rejection - nothing short of a threat. Gradually, his mind turns into a chaotic battlefield of paranoia and ideas of reference.
Most narcissists react defensively. They become conspicuously indignant, aggressive, and cold. They detach emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury. They devalue the person who made the disparaging remark, the critical comment, the unflattering observation, the innocuous joke at the narcissist's expense. By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant - the narcissist minimizes the impact of the disagreement or criticism on himself. This is a defense mechanism known as cognitive dissonance."
The Intermittent Explosive Narcissist Sam Vaknin
I really am enjoying the information from this website: http://www.deconstructingjezebel.com/malignant-narcissism-part-two.html. I find it to be very informative as well as eye opening. I find that a great deal of the information only proves that malignant narcissists do, indeed, exist. It also shows that I have had my share of personal experiences with them on and offline, and even on LiveJournal. It does not make me a victim, though. It makes me a student, and a better one at that. I may not have liked the experiences I had in the past and on LiveJournal, however, I learned from them. I still have a long way to go.
I had an interesting discussion with someone that will remain nameless yesterday regarding malignant narcissism. I am well aware that there are many female malignant narcissists. I have had my personal experience with them as well. If it’s anything I learned is that you can tell them off all you want, they will STILL find a way to serve you a cold dish of revenge. Of course this goes for male malignant narcissists as well (and I have experienced this type of revenge from a specific one). This brought up the subject of misogyny. The definition of misogyny is a hatred or dislike for women or girls according to Wikipedia. This is quoted by Michael Flood: "Though most common in men, misogyny also exists in and is practiced by women against other women or even themselves. Misogyny functions as an ideology or belief system that has accompanied patriarchal or male-dominated societies for thousands of years and continues to place women in subordinate positions with limited access to power and decision making. [...] Aristotle contended that women exist as natural deformities or imperfect males [...] Ever since, women in Western cultures have internalized their role as societal scapegoats, influenced in the twenty-first century by multimedia objectification of women with its culturally sanctioned self-loathing and fixations on plastic surgery, anorexia and bulimia."
I am by no means a feminist. I believe in my rights as a woman, but I cannot out-rightly define myself as a feminist. I will always define myself as a student and in doing so I have learned that malignant narcissists have a tendency to hate women as stated here by Dr. Sam Vakhin, Ph.D:
The narcissist's attitude to women is, naturally, complex and multi-layered but it can be described using four axes:
· The Holy Whore
· The Hunter Parasite
· The Frustrating Object of Desire
· Uniqueness Roles
…As we said, heterosexual narcissists are attracted to women, but simultaneously repelled, horrified, bewitched and provoked by them. They seek to frustrate and humiliate them.
Dr. Sam Vakhin also states that narcissists think sex is impure and for whores, but I have my reservations about that. I think there are some who enjoy sex, but hate the rejection so much that they will do anything to humiliate the woman and make her seem like the bad guy because he was all deserving of her affections when she probably never wanted to give them in the first place. We can go in all directions with this one.
Never the less while involving myself in my grad studies I am learning a great deal about psychological illnesses and psychopathic personalities. I hope to learn more along the way.
Thank you for reading…
Ami
MS in Mental Health Counseling Graduate student at Walden University
References:
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq79.html
http://www.deconstructingjezebel.com/narcissistic-injury.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogyny
http://www.deconstructingjezebel.com/malignant-narcissism-part-two.html