[Marvel: Fiction] "Right Now" [Clint/Coulson, G]
Title: Right Now
Author: Ami Ven
Word Count: 1,779
Rating: G
Fandom: MCU (Avengers)
Pairing(s): Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Setting: post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Summary Clint and Phil have their reasons not to contact each other after the fall of SHIELD - until they don’t.
Right Now
“You knew he was alive,” said Natasha, evenly.
Anyone else would have thought her voice was emotionless, but Clint could hear the hurt in it, that he hadn’t told her before, and the worry for him about his knowing all this time.
Which was why he didn’t pretend not to know what she was talking about.
“I knew,” Clint said. She crossed her arms expectantly, and he continued, “After SHIELD fell, a few of my weapons caches were emptied. It could have been any agent, I guess, a bunch of people knew about them, but… the arrows were all left behind, not where they’d been, but moved to the front, so I’d be able to grab them in a hurry. Once might have been a coincidence, they just happened to end up there, but three of them…”
“Phil,” said Natasha. “You’re sure?”
“I’ve been going through some of the SHIELD data you leaked. There were enough hints to add up.”
“There was a breach at one of our old safe houses,” she said. “By someone who not only knew the security codes but also washed all the dishes they used.”
Clint smiled. “Phil.”
Natasha smiled back for a moment, then said, “Has he tried to contact you?”
“No.”
“Have you tried to contact him?”
Clint paused for a moment, then shook his head. “I’m sure he has his reasons. With everything going on - Hydra, Nat! - he’s probably just trying to keep us safe.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “When have you ever let Phil trying to keep you safe prevent you from doing anything?”
“This is different.”
“How?” Natasha demanded.
Clint sighed. “Because he died, Nat. I was doing okay after, really I was. I missed him, I was grieving, but I was okay. But then SHIELD fell and I was here, all alone in a house full of superheroes and I just… lost it.”
Natasha reached out to rest her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
“No, no, you were with Cap. Saving the world. I was fine.”
“Clint…”
“Okay, no, I wasn’t fine, but I was… JARVIS called Tony and Bruce before I got so drunk I passed out.”
“Clint…”
“I loved him, Nat,” he said, bluntly. “I was in love with Phil, for years, and I had no idea until he was dead. And then he wasn’t dead, and he never even tried to get me a message, and I…”
“You thought that meant he didn’t want you,” Natasha finished. “You know that’s not how it is.”
“I know that. But my messed-up childhood abandonment issues don’t.” Clint managed a smile. “He’s okay. He got May into the field with him. And Trip, he was always a good guy. I’ve had JARVIS looking out for him for me.”
Natasha narrowed her eyes again. “And is that enough for you?”
Clint fidgeted. “It’s all I deserve,” he said, softly. “If Phil came looking for me, that would be different. But I won’t intrude.”
“Okay,” she said. “But maybe he’s thinking the same thing.”
*
Phil knew he had been living on borrowed time since he’d been brought back from the dead. He’d tried to do things a little differently, this time around, tried to be less self-conscious, more open to new ideas.
But it didn’t look like his luck had gotten any better, because here he was at gunpoint - well, it was gun-shaped, even if it was giving off an ominous glow - in the middle of Central Park.
The man with the gun-thing was named Joe Armstead and he hadn’t been too clear with his demands, but he definitely seemed willing to shoot Phil to prove his point. The rest of Phil’s team were still too far out to be any immediate help, and Joe was standing too far away from him for Phil to confidently attempt any heroics.
“We can help you,” said Phil, because it was worth a try.
“No one can help me now,” said Joe and raised the gun-thing.
Then, he yelped and dropped it - an arrow neatly sticking out of the weapon’s trigger assembly.
Phil knew from experience that hitting a gun so that it didn’t fire was a tricky operation. He only knew one man who could have done it, but he had thought that man thought he was dead.
He kicked the gun-and-arrow further out of reached and picked up his own weapon from where he’d dropped it, then pulled out his phone.
May arrived a few minutes later, and immediately spotted the arrow. “I guess he knows.”
“I…” said Phil.
She scowled. “No more excuses, Coulson. He saved your life. The least you can do is thank him.”
“I…” Phil said again.
“Go,” said May. “I’ve got this.”
Phil took a deep breath, and went.
He had known where the arrow came from, long used to calculating angles from years of working with Clint, and made his way to the row of townhouses just on the other side of the road from Central Park. He paused at the base of the fire escape - the archer had had plenty of time to make his escape if he didn’t want to talk to Phil, so if he was still there…
A single figure was sitting on the decorative stone edging, bow resting at his side, and he turned as Phil approached.
“Hello, sir.”
Phil had been keeping discrete tabs on the Avengers since the Battle of New York, he had seen video of Hawkeye standing beside Captain America and looking like the hero Phil always knew he was. But this wasn’t Hawkeye, in his Avengers uniform, this was Clint, wearing a ratty sweatshirt and scuffed sneakers, and Phil’s heart ached with how much he had missed him.
“Thank you,” Phil said, because his mind had gone relatively blank. “That was an amazing shot.”
Clint ducked his head, shy of praise, as always. “Happy to help.”
“Are you?” Phil asked, his brain beginning to catch up. “You must be pretty mad at me.”
“For not being dead?”
“For not telling you I was alive,” said Phil. “When did you know?”
“Just after SHIELD fell,” said Clint. “The weapons caches. You left my arrows where I could get to them, like you always used to.”
Phil frowned. “I don’t remember doing that. But I know I was thinking about you while I was there. Muscle memory, I guess.”
“Natasha knows, too,” said Clint. “She’s pissed.”
“But you’re not?”
Clint shrugged. “You always have a reason, sir, and you don’t always tell us.”
“Is that why you didn’t try to make contact after you knew? You didn’t want to break my cover?”
“I…” Clint hesitated, then sighed. “I promised Nat I wouldn’t run away from this. From you.”
Phil frowned. “Why would you run from me?”
“I’ve never been that great at normal people stuff.”
“I’m not exactly a normal person,” said Phil. He took a step closer, pleased when Clint didn’t back away. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself. The way Fury brought me back… I wasn’t right. For a long time. I didn’t want you to find out I was alive only to watch me die.”
Clint’s eyes widened and he started forward, but caught himself when they were still a few feet apart. “Was it that bad?”
“May had orders to kill me, if she had to.”
“Good,” said Clint, then winced. “I mean, not good, but… better if it’s a friend. You know what I mean.”
Phil smiled. “I do.”
Clint smiled back for a moment, then began to fidget with the hem of his sweatshirt. “I… that wasn’t the only reason I didn’t try to find you, once I knew. It was… you seemed okay. You had a new team, you didn’t need me.”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want you around,” said Phil. “I missed you.”
“Oh,” said Clint. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have.”
“What?”
The archer took a deep breath. “I never knew, Phil,” he said, like the words were just tumbling out. “All those years we worked together and I had no idea. And there were other times I’d thought you were dead - people think that’s plenty of time for regrets and realizations, but not me. It took me four whole months after you were gone to even have a clue.”
“Clint…” began Phi, but the other man didn’t seem to hear him.
“And then you were alive again. Or still, technically. Whatever. And, god, Phil, you have no idea how idea how much I wanted to see you, but even I knew it wasn’t a great time to tell you I’ve apparently been in love with you for years without realizing it, especially with SHIELD gone and Fury gone and half the people we worked with turning out to be Nazis, so…” Clint trailed off, having run out of steam. “Sir?”
Phil was used to sifting for relevant information in Clint’s colorful ramblings, but there was one part that had stuck out like a beacon. “You love me?”
“I…” said Clint, then nodded, not meeting Phil’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I just knew that I liked spending time with you, that I wanted to make you smile, that I hated when you were upset. That time in Cairo, when I kissed you to avoid that guy tailing us, I thought I might like to try that again, without the Egyptian mob after us. But I didn’t know that it was love. I didn’t know until I thought you were really dead and what I missed wasn’t the stuff he’d done together, it was the stuff we’d never get to do.”
Phil felt a little light-headed. “Clint,” he said, more a breath than a word. He reached out slowly, until his fingertips brushed the archer’s shoulder. “I didn’t know, either.”
Blue eyes snapped up to his, frowning. “What?”
“I’ve missed you so much,” said Phil. “Not just having the back-up, but… Since I came back, there’s been no one telling bad jokes or bringing me coffee or sitting on things that have no business being sat on. Or,” he added, “aggravating me until I talk about what’s bothering me. No one I really trust to care about me.”
“I…” said Clint. “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying…”
“I love you,” said Phil, and it felt amazing to say.
“I…” Clint tried again, then smiled. “What happens now?”
“Long-term? I have no idea,” laughed Phil. “But right now, maybe you could kiss me.”
Clint brightened. “I could?”
“I’d really like it if you did.”
And they were still kissing when the rest of Phil’s team came looking for them.
THE END
Current Mood:
mellow
Author: Ami Ven
Word Count: 1,779
Rating: G
Fandom: MCU (Avengers)
Pairing(s): Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Setting: post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Summary Clint and Phil have their reasons not to contact each other after the fall of SHIELD - until they don’t.
Right Now
“You knew he was alive,” said Natasha, evenly.
Anyone else would have thought her voice was emotionless, but Clint could hear the hurt in it, that he hadn’t told her before, and the worry for him about his knowing all this time.
Which was why he didn’t pretend not to know what she was talking about.
“I knew,” Clint said. She crossed her arms expectantly, and he continued, “After SHIELD fell, a few of my weapons caches were emptied. It could have been any agent, I guess, a bunch of people knew about them, but… the arrows were all left behind, not where they’d been, but moved to the front, so I’d be able to grab them in a hurry. Once might have been a coincidence, they just happened to end up there, but three of them…”
“Phil,” said Natasha. “You’re sure?”
“I’ve been going through some of the SHIELD data you leaked. There were enough hints to add up.”
“There was a breach at one of our old safe houses,” she said. “By someone who not only knew the security codes but also washed all the dishes they used.”
Clint smiled. “Phil.”
Natasha smiled back for a moment, then said, “Has he tried to contact you?”
“No.”
“Have you tried to contact him?”
Clint paused for a moment, then shook his head. “I’m sure he has his reasons. With everything going on - Hydra, Nat! - he’s probably just trying to keep us safe.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “When have you ever let Phil trying to keep you safe prevent you from doing anything?”
“This is different.”
“How?” Natasha demanded.
Clint sighed. “Because he died, Nat. I was doing okay after, really I was. I missed him, I was grieving, but I was okay. But then SHIELD fell and I was here, all alone in a house full of superheroes and I just… lost it.”
Natasha reached out to rest her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
“No, no, you were with Cap. Saving the world. I was fine.”
“Clint…”
“Okay, no, I wasn’t fine, but I was… JARVIS called Tony and Bruce before I got so drunk I passed out.”
“Clint…”
“I loved him, Nat,” he said, bluntly. “I was in love with Phil, for years, and I had no idea until he was dead. And then he wasn’t dead, and he never even tried to get me a message, and I…”
“You thought that meant he didn’t want you,” Natasha finished. “You know that’s not how it is.”
“I know that. But my messed-up childhood abandonment issues don’t.” Clint managed a smile. “He’s okay. He got May into the field with him. And Trip, he was always a good guy. I’ve had JARVIS looking out for him for me.”
Natasha narrowed her eyes again. “And is that enough for you?”
Clint fidgeted. “It’s all I deserve,” he said, softly. “If Phil came looking for me, that would be different. But I won’t intrude.”
“Okay,” she said. “But maybe he’s thinking the same thing.”
*
Phil knew he had been living on borrowed time since he’d been brought back from the dead. He’d tried to do things a little differently, this time around, tried to be less self-conscious, more open to new ideas.
But it didn’t look like his luck had gotten any better, because here he was at gunpoint - well, it was gun-shaped, even if it was giving off an ominous glow - in the middle of Central Park.
The man with the gun-thing was named Joe Armstead and he hadn’t been too clear with his demands, but he definitely seemed willing to shoot Phil to prove his point. The rest of Phil’s team were still too far out to be any immediate help, and Joe was standing too far away from him for Phil to confidently attempt any heroics.
“We can help you,” said Phil, because it was worth a try.
“No one can help me now,” said Joe and raised the gun-thing.
Then, he yelped and dropped it - an arrow neatly sticking out of the weapon’s trigger assembly.
Phil knew from experience that hitting a gun so that it didn’t fire was a tricky operation. He only knew one man who could have done it, but he had thought that man thought he was dead.
He kicked the gun-and-arrow further out of reached and picked up his own weapon from where he’d dropped it, then pulled out his phone.
May arrived a few minutes later, and immediately spotted the arrow. “I guess he knows.”
“I…” said Phil.
She scowled. “No more excuses, Coulson. He saved your life. The least you can do is thank him.”
“I…” Phil said again.
“Go,” said May. “I’ve got this.”
Phil took a deep breath, and went.
He had known where the arrow came from, long used to calculating angles from years of working with Clint, and made his way to the row of townhouses just on the other side of the road from Central Park. He paused at the base of the fire escape - the archer had had plenty of time to make his escape if he didn’t want to talk to Phil, so if he was still there…
A single figure was sitting on the decorative stone edging, bow resting at his side, and he turned as Phil approached.
“Hello, sir.”
Phil had been keeping discrete tabs on the Avengers since the Battle of New York, he had seen video of Hawkeye standing beside Captain America and looking like the hero Phil always knew he was. But this wasn’t Hawkeye, in his Avengers uniform, this was Clint, wearing a ratty sweatshirt and scuffed sneakers, and Phil’s heart ached with how much he had missed him.
“Thank you,” Phil said, because his mind had gone relatively blank. “That was an amazing shot.”
Clint ducked his head, shy of praise, as always. “Happy to help.”
“Are you?” Phil asked, his brain beginning to catch up. “You must be pretty mad at me.”
“For not being dead?”
“For not telling you I was alive,” said Phil. “When did you know?”
“Just after SHIELD fell,” said Clint. “The weapons caches. You left my arrows where I could get to them, like you always used to.”
Phil frowned. “I don’t remember doing that. But I know I was thinking about you while I was there. Muscle memory, I guess.”
“Natasha knows, too,” said Clint. “She’s pissed.”
“But you’re not?”
Clint shrugged. “You always have a reason, sir, and you don’t always tell us.”
“Is that why you didn’t try to make contact after you knew? You didn’t want to break my cover?”
“I…” Clint hesitated, then sighed. “I promised Nat I wouldn’t run away from this. From you.”
Phil frowned. “Why would you run from me?”
“I’ve never been that great at normal people stuff.”
“I’m not exactly a normal person,” said Phil. He took a step closer, pleased when Clint didn’t back away. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself. The way Fury brought me back… I wasn’t right. For a long time. I didn’t want you to find out I was alive only to watch me die.”
Clint’s eyes widened and he started forward, but caught himself when they were still a few feet apart. “Was it that bad?”
“May had orders to kill me, if she had to.”
“Good,” said Clint, then winced. “I mean, not good, but… better if it’s a friend. You know what I mean.”
Phil smiled. “I do.”
Clint smiled back for a moment, then began to fidget with the hem of his sweatshirt. “I… that wasn’t the only reason I didn’t try to find you, once I knew. It was… you seemed okay. You had a new team, you didn’t need me.”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want you around,” said Phil. “I missed you.”
“Oh,” said Clint. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have.”
“What?”
The archer took a deep breath. “I never knew, Phil,” he said, like the words were just tumbling out. “All those years we worked together and I had no idea. And there were other times I’d thought you were dead - people think that’s plenty of time for regrets and realizations, but not me. It took me four whole months after you were gone to even have a clue.”
“Clint…” began Phi, but the other man didn’t seem to hear him.
“And then you were alive again. Or still, technically. Whatever. And, god, Phil, you have no idea how idea how much I wanted to see you, but even I knew it wasn’t a great time to tell you I’ve apparently been in love with you for years without realizing it, especially with SHIELD gone and Fury gone and half the people we worked with turning out to be Nazis, so…” Clint trailed off, having run out of steam. “Sir?”
Phil was used to sifting for relevant information in Clint’s colorful ramblings, but there was one part that had stuck out like a beacon. “You love me?”
“I…” said Clint, then nodded, not meeting Phil’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I just knew that I liked spending time with you, that I wanted to make you smile, that I hated when you were upset. That time in Cairo, when I kissed you to avoid that guy tailing us, I thought I might like to try that again, without the Egyptian mob after us. But I didn’t know that it was love. I didn’t know until I thought you were really dead and what I missed wasn’t the stuff he’d done together, it was the stuff we’d never get to do.”
Phil felt a little light-headed. “Clint,” he said, more a breath than a word. He reached out slowly, until his fingertips brushed the archer’s shoulder. “I didn’t know, either.”
Blue eyes snapped up to his, frowning. “What?”
“I’ve missed you so much,” said Phil. “Not just having the back-up, but… Since I came back, there’s been no one telling bad jokes or bringing me coffee or sitting on things that have no business being sat on. Or,” he added, “aggravating me until I talk about what’s bothering me. No one I really trust to care about me.”
“I…” said Clint. “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying…”
“I love you,” said Phil, and it felt amazing to say.
“I…” Clint tried again, then smiled. “What happens now?”
“Long-term? I have no idea,” laughed Phil. “But right now, maybe you could kiss me.”
Clint brightened. “I could?”
“I’d really like it if you did.”
And they were still kissing when the rest of Phil’s team came looking for them.
THE END
Current Mood:
mellow