argh
i can't go cold turkey. anyways i was in the smoking room in the dorms and some people were lighting at that buddha shit. but i had nothing to say to them cuz i don't smoke anymore. i wanted to join in, but i know that stuff ain't good for me. neither are ciggies but ciggies don't make me feel paranoid. That's right folks, i was a paranoid schizophrenic at one point. and pot don't mix with that shit very well. i wrote an account of my hospitalization and sent it to soft skull press but they didn't care about it much. i thought it was the most creative thing i've ever done.
i love having a single, it's so nice. i can just sit here and pretend I'm a writer and write about crap. my roomm's messy and it don't have to be clean for no roommate. i wonder if i'll get a single next semester but somehow i doubt it. i think that quitting smoking is something that i should do after i get out of college. it's so nice to just smoke a ciggie and write a paper. or maybe in the summer i will try to quit again. when my mom goes to china i can smoke in the house and i want to take full advantage of this opportunity. she's leaving on may 18th and i am alone in the house for three weeks. my grandparents aren't doing so well. my grandfather's diagnosed with alzheimer's. it's in the early stage, but it's scary to think that it is genetic and one day i might have it. my nana was in the hospital because of her heart condition, but it wasn't anything serious. i might have to go and visit them sometime, but i sure hope i don't go with my mom. she doesn't know that i smoked in my grandparents' apartment in beijing when i went there last year and she would definitely have a stroke if I told her.
on a positive note, i didn't smoke at work today, or first thing when i woke up. it felt kind of nice, but after work i really wanted a cigarette so i waited for the bus forever it seemed and bought a pack. when i was coming back from town there at least 45 people waiting for the bus on the other side of the street going to town. it's stupid how PVTA is cutting down, it used to be reliable but now it's a piece of crap.
i love having a single, it's so nice. i can just sit here and pretend I'm a writer and write about crap. my roomm's messy and it don't have to be clean for no roommate. i wonder if i'll get a single next semester but somehow i doubt it. i think that quitting smoking is something that i should do after i get out of college. it's so nice to just smoke a ciggie and write a paper. or maybe in the summer i will try to quit again. when my mom goes to china i can smoke in the house and i want to take full advantage of this opportunity. she's leaving on may 18th and i am alone in the house for three weeks. my grandparents aren't doing so well. my grandfather's diagnosed with alzheimer's. it's in the early stage, but it's scary to think that it is genetic and one day i might have it. my nana was in the hospital because of her heart condition, but it wasn't anything serious. i might have to go and visit them sometime, but i sure hope i don't go with my mom. she doesn't know that i smoked in my grandparents' apartment in beijing when i went there last year and she would definitely have a stroke if I told her.
on a positive note, i didn't smoke at work today, or first thing when i woke up. it felt kind of nice, but after work i really wanted a cigarette so i waited for the bus forever it seemed and bought a pack. when i was coming back from town there at least 45 people waiting for the bus on the other side of the street going to town. it's stupid how PVTA is cutting down, it used to be reliable but now it's a piece of crap.