may angels lead you in.
Do you know how hard it is to watch someone you love die? It’s a feeling I can’t even begin to explain. It’s like you’re sitting there, knowing in your heart that their stay here is close to over and you want to hold on forever and never let go, but you know you have to let go because its their time. You just pray over and over to that you’ll be able to handle it, and be strong and know that it was their time and everything is okay. But even though you pray and pray and pray some more, you’re convinced you’ll never be able to deal with it. You’re sitting there, just praying that God would take them because you know they aren’t comfortable and you want more than anything in the world for the next time they wake up that they’ll be perfect and all better and all the pain gone, but you know they have to go. You’re watching each breath, wondering which will be her last. Every time her face moves and the oxygen mask moves you look up to be sure she’s still breathing and then put the oxygen back where it belongs. You see the pain in her eyes and you wish so badly it’d go away. You want to bear the pain she has, for all she’s done for you, it’s the least you could do. You think that if you just hold on for as long as you can, hold her hand and never let go, she won’t have to go. You want her to know how much you love her and how grateful you are for her. You’re hoping she can hear your prayers and what you mutter under your breath, as not to wake the rest of the people in the room that are all thinking and praying the same thing. You’re wanting so badly for her life to go on forever. You’re hoping you told her you loved her while she was still alert. You’re remembering hearing her say to you “I love you”, “Don’t worry about me, I’m not going anywhere.” And 48 hours later, she’s gone. All you want is to hear her voice, hug her, and just never let go. I’ve never been able to get this out there before. I don’t know what it is about tonight, but I just can’t keep it all inside anymore. Watching someone you love die, is seriously probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, and I just pray that no one has to go through that. I know my grandmother is in a much better place now and that she’s with the two men she loves the most, God and my grandfather. I’m so thankful for her life. I’m so thankful for everything she has taught me and I’m even more thankful for the family she created.