(no subject)
I'm overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and sadness. I'm getting a new (used) car. I'm cheating on Fatty McGee. Even worse, I'm leaving her all together for a younger, more attractive car. Fatty and I have been through so much together. She's been with me through so much, so many transitions in my life. I learned how to drive stick with her. Her awful, terrible clutch that made me cry and have nightmares that I'd never be able to drive stick. I remember packing everything I owned into her and moving back to North Carolina. Trips to Chicago (that weekend I was blessed with incredible parallel parking skills) Trips to the beach (when Asheville was under water). Relationships, school. Everything.
The new car (yet to be named) is a subaru outback wagon. How Vermont. It's huge. I could live out of it. And I'll probably need to at some point in the future. It's a nice, adult car. It has leather heated seat and two sunroofs. Alloy wheels. It makes me feel old. My friends have already started joking- you should just go ahead and get a car seat. And a chocolate lab. And a bumper sticker that says "My kid's an honor student at...." because these are all standard subaru wagon accessories. It has an automatic transmission. I remember vowing that I would never own a car with an automatic transmission. I guess this is growing up.
Asheville. argh. It was nice the first day I came back. Seeing my friends. Then, everything else began to seep in. Cocaine, pills, divorce, bitter, angry people, mental illness, physical illness, alcoholism. Why? I hate it all. I'm learning to tune things out. To not care. You can't care. It's too much.
But it snowed yesterday, like, real snow. And it was beautiful. And it made me happy. I was even happy to scrape a sheet of ice off my car with no mittens. I miss Vermont. Mostly I just miss things that are wholesome and normal.
The new car (yet to be named) is a subaru outback wagon. How Vermont. It's huge. I could live out of it. And I'll probably need to at some point in the future. It's a nice, adult car. It has leather heated seat and two sunroofs. Alloy wheels. It makes me feel old. My friends have already started joking- you should just go ahead and get a car seat. And a chocolate lab. And a bumper sticker that says "My kid's an honor student at...." because these are all standard subaru wagon accessories. It has an automatic transmission. I remember vowing that I would never own a car with an automatic transmission. I guess this is growing up.
Asheville. argh. It was nice the first day I came back. Seeing my friends. Then, everything else began to seep in. Cocaine, pills, divorce, bitter, angry people, mental illness, physical illness, alcoholism. Why? I hate it all. I'm learning to tune things out. To not care. You can't care. It's too much.
But it snowed yesterday, like, real snow. And it was beautiful. And it made me happy. I was even happy to scrape a sheet of ice off my car with no mittens. I miss Vermont. Mostly I just miss things that are wholesome and normal.