*sigh*
It seems really weird to be updating this thing right now, and I guess I know why, but at the same time, I dont. Sunday at King's Island was excellent, even if the rest of the day was a rollercoaster in itself.
It was mainly my decision, but Aaron respected my wishes and for that I love him so much... Aaron and I decided not to be exclusive anymore, at least for now. We'll still see each other and nothing between he and I will really change, but we'll both get a bit of space and, if the opportunity arises, the freedom to date other people and get a bit more experience under our belts. Down the road, I'd like to be with Aaron, but right now I think what's best for me is just experiencing a bit more of the dating world, since I knew none of it before him. Plus it gives him the chance as well, since he didnt really have much more before me.
It was so hard to explain to him, because it was killing me to be doing it, knowing that there was the possibility of screwing what he and I have up, and also, knowing I was hurting him was absolutely crushing me. But I really feel like its what I need, and what we need. I don't want to be somewhere down the road and all of a sudden resent the relationship because I'm curious about being with other people. This way I think, I'll have the knowledge of what dating others is like, and it wont bother me as much, and I dont know. I just think things will be better down the road this way, even if they hurt both of us right now.
Yes, both of us. In giving myself space, I had to hurt him, as well as give him free reign to date other girls. Its going to hurt, if he finds someone and takes her out on a date.. but I realize he deserves all the things I want for myself, and I know if someone comes along wanting to take me on a date, its going to hurt him just as much.
I wish there'd been an easier way to do things, because it crushed me emotionally to have that conversation with him... but he was so accepting, and I think he understands.. and I just... I really do love him, as unlikely as that sounds. I think that as long as he understands my reasons and believes me... then I'm content.
But yes, Mom's surgery is tomorrow and I'm very >.
It was mainly my decision, but Aaron respected my wishes and for that I love him so much... Aaron and I decided not to be exclusive anymore, at least for now. We'll still see each other and nothing between he and I will really change, but we'll both get a bit of space and, if the opportunity arises, the freedom to date other people and get a bit more experience under our belts. Down the road, I'd like to be with Aaron, but right now I think what's best for me is just experiencing a bit more of the dating world, since I knew none of it before him. Plus it gives him the chance as well, since he didnt really have much more before me.
It was so hard to explain to him, because it was killing me to be doing it, knowing that there was the possibility of screwing what he and I have up, and also, knowing I was hurting him was absolutely crushing me. But I really feel like its what I need, and what we need. I don't want to be somewhere down the road and all of a sudden resent the relationship because I'm curious about being with other people. This way I think, I'll have the knowledge of what dating others is like, and it wont bother me as much, and I dont know. I just think things will be better down the road this way, even if they hurt both of us right now.
Yes, both of us. In giving myself space, I had to hurt him, as well as give him free reign to date other girls. Its going to hurt, if he finds someone and takes her out on a date.. but I realize he deserves all the things I want for myself, and I know if someone comes along wanting to take me on a date, its going to hurt him just as much.
I wish there'd been an easier way to do things, because it crushed me emotionally to have that conversation with him... but he was so accepting, and I think he understands.. and I just... I really do love him, as unlikely as that sounds. I think that as long as he understands my reasons and believes me... then I'm content.
But yes, Mom's surgery is tomorrow and I'm very >.