Interesting accusations

[amethystmeg]

So, tonight with Dave was nice...clarifying. It's different thinking about expectations from September, but things are unfolding themselves in a very good way. I am having a lot of fun. The sarcasm matches itself almost sickly. HA. I wish I wasn't such a bruised person. I don't like thinking of myself as a conflicted person who can't get over things, but history affects you. I don't mind revealing tidbits of my history here and there to him, because for some reason he understands. The funny thing is that I trust him. When he says that he is in it for the long hall, I believe him. I like seeing him there in my life tomorrow. I never see any petty fights between us, although I do see him pissing me off if he thinks I am mad for a ridiculous reason. I trust him to keep me in check and care about me. I didn't trust him to begin with. I remember distinctly saying "forget him" after a few situations. There are no pedestals, no uneasiness from him about being with me. I am working on this comfort level that is soooooooo very hard to achieve for me when it comes to "being" with someone. He makes it easier because he is not stand-offish about how cautious I am. It's almost as if he is being patient... but that is not the word. He's not easily shaken and I never realized how much I appreciate that quality until now. I never see him losing control, although I know he has. I don't want this to get screwed up. If I am going to do this then I want promise myself that I won't pick at the details.

The problem was that I never just listened to what my heart was saying. Do I know him well enough to know that I am in it for the long hall? I hear myself saying how much I want to be doing this. If I close my eyes, do I feel it? Or is it just the glitter and sparkle of something new? I have to trust myself. So, I went through all the things that I know are different and great about him and judge our chemistry, as he put it...and I come up with yea, I am really falling for this guy.