Obnoxious
Here's the thing. I don't like Safe Houses. I think they're absolutely stupid. I recognize a person's right to his/her privacy, I think that's completely fine. And a temporary safe house, I wouldn't be against that. But a perpetual one? It's practically a sorority/frat. And we all know how awful those are.
The occurence pretty much went like this. There's a building near my dorm called Harvey (Spanish) House. Between Harvey and Kade (German) Haus lies a 24 hour computer lab. And it is currently 35 degrees outside, with the wind chill factor pulling us down to 29.
I'm walking quietly through Harvey House, not making a single fucking sound. I'm being polite. A woman, no doubt the faculty in residence, is arranging a tray of cookies or something like that at the end of the hall. She looks at me oddly--obviously I don't belong there (I guess I'm not hispanic looking enough.) So with this strange smile, she stops me as I walk by with, "Are you a resident in Harvey?"
Odd question. I answer honestly. "No, I'm going to the computer lab."
"Ah, well, this isn't an open hallway. If you want to go to the lab you have to go around the building and enter from the door that leads to Kade."
I'm taken aback. Not only taken aback, but I feel unwelcomed. This woman didn't even know me, I could have just been going up to a friend's room and she feels the need to stop me and tell me that I don't belong there. What the fuck?
I'm sorry, it IS an open hallway. I pay just as much as the rest of the students here to attend this school, and the last I checked it wasn't an institution so privatized that even groups are privatized from each other. I wasn't being rude at all, I was very quiet and respectful of the individuals who live there when I walked through. And while I respect a collective/progam houses' desire for community, I feel the sense that such community comes at the cost of ostrasization.
We all know what word comes after that, folks. It starts with an H.
I sputter and stammer, feeling a bit ashamed (though I shouldn't have) and rejected. I point to the door. "Should I just leave now?" She shakes her head and lets me walk through with the assurance that from now on I'll never walk through Harvey again. I'm frustrated.
I understand why the Third World Co-Op is off limits to people, though I don't agree with that, either. It would be pretty obnoxious to have people walking through a kitchen whenever they feel like, and kitchens have to be clean, a much easier task the fewer that tread on it. But a hallway? I'm not allowed to walk through a HALLWAY?
Even Baldwin, a women's collective, allows men through our hallways. Our second floor space is a safe space, but most of us don't really care and invite men into it after asking for group consent of those present. And we have bathroom accomodations for men as well.
So this shit about me not being able to walk through a hallway really angers me. I'm not going to extend my stay in icy weather just because Harvey has the need to make me feel unwelcome. How does that foster any type of diversity? How does ostrasization encourage any relationships between students? I wasn't skipping through the hallways or crashing any Harvey parties. I wasn't intruding on anyone's personal space. And I certainly wasn't being disrespectful.
I understand the need some feel to have a sense of community strength, I understand that. I'm at Baldwin for that exact reason, although the fact that it is established as women-only has nothing to do with my application--Baldwin is small, intimate, and allows me to be more outgoing this year than I ever have been.
But I don't understand the need for those with that same agenda to exlude others from their lives. How can anyone feel safe by completely and irrationally blocking themselves out from what is irrevocably a part of "everyday life"? How can we enrich ourselves by denying ourselves the very same inclusion that we seek? Is it not enough that you live in a dormitory for that exact purpose? Must you transform your living area into a cult in order to get that "community" experience? Is my walking through your hallway so offensive, such a problem, that you feel oppressed?
Or maybe your search for community has transformed itself into a need to control your uncontrollable, day-to-day experience. You don't tell a storm, "Gee, I'm sorry, I don't really like storms, and we have enough water for the day--could ya just move along and rain on someone else? Thanks, okay." Outside communities are a part of our lives that we can avoid (and apparently expel) but not demolish. You can do something as pitiful as build a wall around your community so that it not tainted by dirty "outside" hands. Or you can let a drawbridge down, just a little one, so that maybe someone curious in seeing what an enriched community is all about could take a peek inside and find comfort in kind strangers. We travelers aren't all bad--don't wash us off your path.
The occurence pretty much went like this. There's a building near my dorm called Harvey (Spanish) House. Between Harvey and Kade (German) Haus lies a 24 hour computer lab. And it is currently 35 degrees outside, with the wind chill factor pulling us down to 29.
I'm walking quietly through Harvey House, not making a single fucking sound. I'm being polite. A woman, no doubt the faculty in residence, is arranging a tray of cookies or something like that at the end of the hall. She looks at me oddly--obviously I don't belong there (I guess I'm not hispanic looking enough.) So with this strange smile, she stops me as I walk by with, "Are you a resident in Harvey?"
Odd question. I answer honestly. "No, I'm going to the computer lab."
"Ah, well, this isn't an open hallway. If you want to go to the lab you have to go around the building and enter from the door that leads to Kade."
I'm taken aback. Not only taken aback, but I feel unwelcomed. This woman didn't even know me, I could have just been going up to a friend's room and she feels the need to stop me and tell me that I don't belong there. What the fuck?
I'm sorry, it IS an open hallway. I pay just as much as the rest of the students here to attend this school, and the last I checked it wasn't an institution so privatized that even groups are privatized from each other. I wasn't being rude at all, I was very quiet and respectful of the individuals who live there when I walked through. And while I respect a collective/progam houses' desire for community, I feel the sense that such community comes at the cost of ostrasization.
We all know what word comes after that, folks. It starts with an H.
I sputter and stammer, feeling a bit ashamed (though I shouldn't have) and rejected. I point to the door. "Should I just leave now?" She shakes her head and lets me walk through with the assurance that from now on I'll never walk through Harvey again. I'm frustrated.
I understand why the Third World Co-Op is off limits to people, though I don't agree with that, either. It would be pretty obnoxious to have people walking through a kitchen whenever they feel like, and kitchens have to be clean, a much easier task the fewer that tread on it. But a hallway? I'm not allowed to walk through a HALLWAY?
Even Baldwin, a women's collective, allows men through our hallways. Our second floor space is a safe space, but most of us don't really care and invite men into it after asking for group consent of those present. And we have bathroom accomodations for men as well.
So this shit about me not being able to walk through a hallway really angers me. I'm not going to extend my stay in icy weather just because Harvey has the need to make me feel unwelcome. How does that foster any type of diversity? How does ostrasization encourage any relationships between students? I wasn't skipping through the hallways or crashing any Harvey parties. I wasn't intruding on anyone's personal space. And I certainly wasn't being disrespectful.
I understand the need some feel to have a sense of community strength, I understand that. I'm at Baldwin for that exact reason, although the fact that it is established as women-only has nothing to do with my application--Baldwin is small, intimate, and allows me to be more outgoing this year than I ever have been.
But I don't understand the need for those with that same agenda to exlude others from their lives. How can anyone feel safe by completely and irrationally blocking themselves out from what is irrevocably a part of "everyday life"? How can we enrich ourselves by denying ourselves the very same inclusion that we seek? Is it not enough that you live in a dormitory for that exact purpose? Must you transform your living area into a cult in order to get that "community" experience? Is my walking through your hallway so offensive, such a problem, that you feel oppressed?
Or maybe your search for community has transformed itself into a need to control your uncontrollable, day-to-day experience. You don't tell a storm, "Gee, I'm sorry, I don't really like storms, and we have enough water for the day--could ya just move along and rain on someone else? Thanks, okay." Outside communities are a part of our lives that we can avoid (and apparently expel) but not demolish. You can do something as pitiful as build a wall around your community so that it not tainted by dirty "outside" hands. Or you can let a drawbridge down, just a little one, so that maybe someone curious in seeing what an enriched community is all about could take a peek inside and find comfort in kind strangers. We travelers aren't all bad--don't wash us off your path.