More mundania!
In a week I will be hitting my first big official Old Fart milestone: the F-Birthday.
I've tried to figure out something supercool to do to commemorate this occasion, but due to lack of resources and perhaps some imagination, haven't really come up with anything. Oh well. (There will at least be tasty treats.)
I always had a hard time imagining myself at this age - just couldn't see that far off, for whatever reason. And I certainly never thought I'd be where I am now. Some of it good...some of it not so much.
About five years ago I started getting the whole 'midlife crisis' thing setting in. Not so much the age as it was where I was at that age. I have never really adulted successfully, a lot of that due to certain factors, and I'm sure most if not all my peers would consider me a failure.
I accept that. *shrug* They say life is in the details...well, but for certain ones, I might have turned out very differently. But it is what it is, as they say. There are things I would change...and things I wouldn't. I remember writing a Ban & Akabane fic wherein Ban is feeling grim about aspects of his past, and Akabane tries to cheer him up by telling him "our experiences make us what we are; our reactions tell others what we are, and if others don't like your reactions maybe they should try focusing more on making sure others don't have the same lousy experiences you did." (That's not the exact line of course, but it's the gist of it.) So, I may be a failure, and I've certainly made my share of mistakes that contributed in part to it...but it isn't entirely my fault. There's an odd sort of comfort in that, I suppose.
I WOULD like to see this birthday as the gateway to better times. One of the few good things about getting older is you stop giving a shit (or at least don't put as much importance on it) about shit that shouldn't matter so much. Peer condemnation is one of those things. You are the way you are and that's okay and anybody that doesn't like that can just go fuck off, and then fuck off some more, and while they're at it, fuck off to the sun. (Thank you ginmar for that delightful bit of phrasing. :D )
So, we'll see.
(And also if anybody wants to write me some nice Akabane/Himiko or Ban/Akabane birthday-fic, that is good too. :D )
--
Have been dealing with health issues with my Sam of late. He's doing better now. But he's on borrowed time. Vet told me his kidneys are slowly starting to fail (normal at his age). Best guesstimate: he has about another year or so with me. He will have to be on medication (which thank God isn't expensive) for the rest of his life to help control his condition some; ultimately, the best I can do for him is to make him as comfortable as possible until the illness hits its tipover point where misery becomes a real issue. (He's displeased my folks by peeing on the floor in front of them; since it was his litterbox that was the issue I've had to step up my regular cleaning routine. Sam always has been picky about that...)
In the process I've had to rack up another $330 on my credit card. So if anyone wants to help out a little, that would certainly be much appreciated. Because I only get paid once every 2 weeks, and since my check doesn't stretch that far, I've had to resort to said card in order to get the supplies/gas/whathaveyou that I need, which means my bill has been going up instead of down. :( I try to pay in cash whenever I can, but I also need to make sure I have enough money to send the monthly payments on, so net result is that my balance either stays where it is or inches up. This wouldn't bother me as much as it does if it weren't for the fact that my folks would jump all over my throat for it. :/ But that's what happens when you live paycheck to paycheck: you gotta get by somehow...
Speaking of work, amazingly, I'm still there. For how much longer, I don't know, but I'll keep coming in as long as they keep scheduling me. Some money is better than none at all.
--
We've had water issues off and on over the past month. At one point we had no water at all for about a week and a half, which meant we had to use jugs of water to flush our toilets, wash ourselves (no baths though! UGH), and so on. NOT fun. The guy who's been working on our line seems to have gotten it fixed, but in the process of doing so he nicked the septic, and so now THAT is leaking, which means we still have to ration the water, just not as strictly as before, because the tank needs to be as low as possible before he can patch it (and he has a heavy schedule so who knows when that'll be). And there is a huge hole in our yard which can't be filled back in until we confirm once and for all that said water line is fully fixed (we've had a couple times where the hosing popped apart!), because it'd be hard as hell to dig that crap back out in the dead of winter. *shudder*
Kids, if you learn nothing else from me in your lifetimes, at least hold on to this one lesson: NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER *NEVER* LIVE IN A RURAL AREA. Unless you have the resources to cope with it and actually enjoy that sort of isolation, it just ain't worth the trouble of its reality, believe me.
--
All in all, I'm doing okay. I will continue to hike forward the best that I can. /stubborn
I've tried to figure out something supercool to do to commemorate this occasion, but due to lack of resources and perhaps some imagination, haven't really come up with anything. Oh well. (There will at least be tasty treats.)
I always had a hard time imagining myself at this age - just couldn't see that far off, for whatever reason. And I certainly never thought I'd be where I am now. Some of it good...some of it not so much.
About five years ago I started getting the whole 'midlife crisis' thing setting in. Not so much the age as it was where I was at that age. I have never really adulted successfully, a lot of that due to certain factors, and I'm sure most if not all my peers would consider me a failure.
I accept that. *shrug* They say life is in the details...well, but for certain ones, I might have turned out very differently. But it is what it is, as they say. There are things I would change...and things I wouldn't. I remember writing a Ban & Akabane fic wherein Ban is feeling grim about aspects of his past, and Akabane tries to cheer him up by telling him "our experiences make us what we are; our reactions tell others what we are, and if others don't like your reactions maybe they should try focusing more on making sure others don't have the same lousy experiences you did." (That's not the exact line of course, but it's the gist of it.) So, I may be a failure, and I've certainly made my share of mistakes that contributed in part to it...but it isn't entirely my fault. There's an odd sort of comfort in that, I suppose.
I WOULD like to see this birthday as the gateway to better times. One of the few good things about getting older is you stop giving a shit (or at least don't put as much importance on it) about shit that shouldn't matter so much. Peer condemnation is one of those things. You are the way you are and that's okay and anybody that doesn't like that can just go fuck off, and then fuck off some more, and while they're at it, fuck off to the sun. (Thank you ginmar for that delightful bit of phrasing. :D )
So, we'll see.
(And also if anybody wants to write me some nice Akabane/Himiko or Ban/Akabane birthday-fic, that is good too. :D )
--
Have been dealing with health issues with my Sam of late. He's doing better now. But he's on borrowed time. Vet told me his kidneys are slowly starting to fail (normal at his age). Best guesstimate: he has about another year or so with me. He will have to be on medication (which thank God isn't expensive) for the rest of his life to help control his condition some; ultimately, the best I can do for him is to make him as comfortable as possible until the illness hits its tipover point where misery becomes a real issue. (He's displeased my folks by peeing on the floor in front of them; since it was his litterbox that was the issue I've had to step up my regular cleaning routine. Sam always has been picky about that...)
In the process I've had to rack up another $330 on my credit card. So if anyone wants to help out a little, that would certainly be much appreciated. Because I only get paid once every 2 weeks, and since my check doesn't stretch that far, I've had to resort to said card in order to get the supplies/gas/whathaveyou that I need, which means my bill has been going up instead of down. :( I try to pay in cash whenever I can, but I also need to make sure I have enough money to send the monthly payments on, so net result is that my balance either stays where it is or inches up. This wouldn't bother me as much as it does if it weren't for the fact that my folks would jump all over my throat for it. :/ But that's what happens when you live paycheck to paycheck: you gotta get by somehow...
Speaking of work, amazingly, I'm still there. For how much longer, I don't know, but I'll keep coming in as long as they keep scheduling me. Some money is better than none at all.
--
We've had water issues off and on over the past month. At one point we had no water at all for about a week and a half, which meant we had to use jugs of water to flush our toilets, wash ourselves (no baths though! UGH), and so on. NOT fun. The guy who's been working on our line seems to have gotten it fixed, but in the process of doing so he nicked the septic, and so now THAT is leaking, which means we still have to ration the water, just not as strictly as before, because the tank needs to be as low as possible before he can patch it (and he has a heavy schedule so who knows when that'll be). And there is a huge hole in our yard which can't be filled back in until we confirm once and for all that said water line is fully fixed (we've had a couple times where the hosing popped apart!), because it'd be hard as hell to dig that crap back out in the dead of winter. *shudder*
Kids, if you learn nothing else from me in your lifetimes, at least hold on to this one lesson: NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER *NEVER* LIVE IN A RURAL AREA. Unless you have the resources to cope with it and actually enjoy that sort of isolation, it just ain't worth the trouble of its reality, believe me.
--
All in all, I'm doing okay. I will continue to hike forward the best that I can. /stubborn