K.C.: one year on
A year ago today I lost one of my beloved kitties, K.C. (short for "Kitty Cougar" because he looked - and acted - a lot like one).
I don't know what happened and likely never will. A part of me doesn't want to know, because I feel in some way that it was my fault and confirming this will just be another knife in my heart. What hurt the most, I think, was how he went: alone, in probable pain, on a cold hard garage floor. No one - animal or human - should go like that.
In a sense, I'm still angry at my parents for this. Because Boo and Sam don't get along (he'd pee outside the litterbox), she and K.C. (who was her son; I adopted the both of them when I still lived in town and literally, hours after Neko's passing, they both showed up on my doorstep, which they'd never done before - it was like they knew) were exiled to the garage. Previously when we lived in town, they were indoor cats because the house was big enough for everyone (a fact which I still miss).
I missed out on almost 2 years of K.C. growing up when I moved to Florida in the early fall of 2010. When I came back in July 2012 he was full-grown, and although our time together was too short I'm glad I got to know him and that he was a part of my life. (I still miss your battering-ram-style headbutts, sweetie.) Since then I've vowed I won't move again unless I can take all my pets with me. I wish, even, that I could have kept Freddy and Bogey and Mr. Boots and Miss Kitty, all the strays that I met and cared for while I was in Florida. (I didn't want them to be abandoned since they looked to me as a food source, so I took Freddy and Bogey to the cat shelter on the island, and told one of the rescue workers about Miss Kitty and Mr. Boots - hopefully she was able to take them in; I know when I talked to her she knew of a good home for Mr. Boots, who'd been dumped unceremoniously by his shithead former owner (who made a kind of stink about it when I mentioned wanting to neuter him since I thought he was a stray)).
This year, it seems I hit the jackpot for cats: Sunny showed up in June, then at the end of September Taffy and Teddy appeared. So maybe it's the universe's way of apologizing. I just hope that I can keep all these sweeties cared for and eventually make them indoor-only cats. Sunny especially bears a striking resemblance to K.C. in both appearance and mannerisms. It's one of the things I love about her, though it's not the main reason. She very much has her own personality, as they all do.
Taffy and Teddy are getting bigger. Teddy has turned into a real cuddlebug and is even taking on a few of Sunny's habits, namely trying to claw-climb up my back for attention (good thing my big winter coat is thick!). He and Taffy are the best lap cats; Teddy in particular I suspect would be just happy to snooze in my lap for hours. They're so adorable and I love them all dearly. I'm not sure when I'll be able to have the boys fixed, as my work schedule is shifty and the outfit I use for spay/neuter only does it on specific days. It will cost me about $160 to have both boys fixed, vaccinated and microchipped. If not this month, I hope to do it next month after all the holiday stuff is done with.
Boo is her usual antisocial self. She's always been standoffish, though when she's in the mood for it she can be affectionate too. Sunny and the boys have more or less gotten accustomed to each other (although she still likes to play-attack them - Taffy is less amenable to it than Teddy is). Boo just avoids everybody. She was like that too, before K.C. went, and even with him, when he got older, she could be cranky. But as I'm fond of saying, she might be a bitch, but she's my little bitch and I still love her. :)
Needless to say, I wear my crazy old cat lady status with pride. Pets are just some of the best friends I've ever had. I just wish that I could give them better than what they currently have. It's just certain factors (money, my dad) get in the way.
I'm not sure about the holidays this year. I was all set to decorate last year, and then said the hell with it when I got sucker-punched from losing K.C.. I'm cautiously - cautiously - tolerant of the holiday this year, but still not sure if I'll do much. It just seems like such a chore to haul all the stuff out, then have to pack it back up again come January, and nobody but us (and Ayinsan, when she visits) will get to see it. Holidays used to be so fun for me, and I miss that. But I guess everything does change... I'm still kind of in denial about winter because I hate it so much now, after The Winter That Would Not Die last season.
In any case, I'm thankful for the pets I have now, who are sweet and wonderful and funny all in their own special ways. I'll light a candle for K.C. tonight. I hope that he's in a better place, having a good time, being loved as he - and all pets - deserve. And I hope that, in spite of my many faults, failures and misdeeds in my almost-40 years, I will be reunited with all the pets I've loved and lost over the years when it eventually is my time to cross that infamous Bridge. Because "no heaven will there be, unless my cats are there to welcome me." (a snippet of poem I read in a book I have somewhere)
I don't know what happened and likely never will. A part of me doesn't want to know, because I feel in some way that it was my fault and confirming this will just be another knife in my heart. What hurt the most, I think, was how he went: alone, in probable pain, on a cold hard garage floor. No one - animal or human - should go like that.
In a sense, I'm still angry at my parents for this. Because Boo and Sam don't get along (he'd pee outside the litterbox), she and K.C. (who was her son; I adopted the both of them when I still lived in town and literally, hours after Neko's passing, they both showed up on my doorstep, which they'd never done before - it was like they knew) were exiled to the garage. Previously when we lived in town, they were indoor cats because the house was big enough for everyone (a fact which I still miss).
I missed out on almost 2 years of K.C. growing up when I moved to Florida in the early fall of 2010. When I came back in July 2012 he was full-grown, and although our time together was too short I'm glad I got to know him and that he was a part of my life. (I still miss your battering-ram-style headbutts, sweetie.) Since then I've vowed I won't move again unless I can take all my pets with me. I wish, even, that I could have kept Freddy and Bogey and Mr. Boots and Miss Kitty, all the strays that I met and cared for while I was in Florida. (I didn't want them to be abandoned since they looked to me as a food source, so I took Freddy and Bogey to the cat shelter on the island, and told one of the rescue workers about Miss Kitty and Mr. Boots - hopefully she was able to take them in; I know when I talked to her she knew of a good home for Mr. Boots, who'd been dumped unceremoniously by his shithead former owner (who made a kind of stink about it when I mentioned wanting to neuter him since I thought he was a stray)).
This year, it seems I hit the jackpot for cats: Sunny showed up in June, then at the end of September Taffy and Teddy appeared. So maybe it's the universe's way of apologizing. I just hope that I can keep all these sweeties cared for and eventually make them indoor-only cats. Sunny especially bears a striking resemblance to K.C. in both appearance and mannerisms. It's one of the things I love about her, though it's not the main reason. She very much has her own personality, as they all do.
Taffy and Teddy are getting bigger. Teddy has turned into a real cuddlebug and is even taking on a few of Sunny's habits, namely trying to claw-climb up my back for attention (good thing my big winter coat is thick!). He and Taffy are the best lap cats; Teddy in particular I suspect would be just happy to snooze in my lap for hours. They're so adorable and I love them all dearly. I'm not sure when I'll be able to have the boys fixed, as my work schedule is shifty and the outfit I use for spay/neuter only does it on specific days. It will cost me about $160 to have both boys fixed, vaccinated and microchipped. If not this month, I hope to do it next month after all the holiday stuff is done with.
Boo is her usual antisocial self. She's always been standoffish, though when she's in the mood for it she can be affectionate too. Sunny and the boys have more or less gotten accustomed to each other (although she still likes to play-attack them - Taffy is less amenable to it than Teddy is). Boo just avoids everybody. She was like that too, before K.C. went, and even with him, when he got older, she could be cranky. But as I'm fond of saying, she might be a bitch, but she's my little bitch and I still love her. :)
Needless to say, I wear my crazy old cat lady status with pride. Pets are just some of the best friends I've ever had. I just wish that I could give them better than what they currently have. It's just certain factors (money, my dad) get in the way.
I'm not sure about the holidays this year. I was all set to decorate last year, and then said the hell with it when I got sucker-punched from losing K.C.. I'm cautiously - cautiously - tolerant of the holiday this year, but still not sure if I'll do much. It just seems like such a chore to haul all the stuff out, then have to pack it back up again come January, and nobody but us (and Ayinsan, when she visits) will get to see it. Holidays used to be so fun for me, and I miss that. But I guess everything does change... I'm still kind of in denial about winter because I hate it so much now, after The Winter That Would Not Die last season.
In any case, I'm thankful for the pets I have now, who are sweet and wonderful and funny all in their own special ways. I'll light a candle for K.C. tonight. I hope that he's in a better place, having a good time, being loved as he - and all pets - deserve. And I hope that, in spite of my many faults, failures and misdeeds in my almost-40 years, I will be reunited with all the pets I've loved and lost over the years when it eventually is my time to cross that infamous Bridge. Because "no heaven will there be, unless my cats are there to welcome me." (a snippet of poem I read in a book I have somewhere)