*SCREAMS* (Not in a good way)
I think someone in the Universe is trying to kill me with isolation. BECAUSE IT'S WORKING. *pulls hair out*
We may be losing our internet - AGAIN - and possibly for good, if my dad is a total jackass about it (which would not surprise me one little bit). He already yelled at me once tonight for it and will probably unload on me again at some point.
Mom signed on tonight to check her email and the first thing that popped up was a notice from HughesNet saying we were past due, and supposedly according to Dad they've been jacking the billing up or some such. He says it's about $90 (which I question, because he's always been lousy at keeping track of/paying bills), so tomorrow or sometime he's going to call somebody (and probably bite their heads off too, the poor bastards) and find out what's going on.
If this is a legit thing, we're fucked. I won't be able to go to the damned library so easily because I'm so goddamned dependent for a car, and I guarantee you my folks won't be letting me go to the fucking library every day like I used to. (For one thing, gas is 3.58 out here right now.)
So just so y'all know, in case I disappear.
*sighs, goes to bash head against the wall for a long while* IhatemylifeIhatemylifeIhatemylife...
--
So, yeah, not doing well here. I have regular thoughts of self-harm/death but am too lazy and apathetic to actually do something (unless the malaise is really bad, then I want to start carving another slice into my arm) so I wouldn't worry about that (besides, I've always said that if I ever actually do decide to do anything, I'll leave notice first). Things are turning into a mudbowl now with the rising temperatures, yet another reason for me to hate this place. Mom made me turn off Boo's heat lamp, which I didn't want to do, at least not during the night, but she and Dad have been bitching about the electric bill lately (and ragging on me for leaving my One. Room. Light. on when I haven't been in the room for all of five-ten minutes. 'Scuse me if I hate walking into a dark room 'cause I can't see for shit). So far, Boo seems to be okay. I wish I could give her a better home than this shithole.
Am somewhat worried about toiletries/cat supplies right now because when I asked for such on the last grocery run I got yelled at by the folks. Which meant I didn't get the stuff I needed. I'm okay at the moment but things will run short here in the not-too-distant future, and I don't like worrying about when or if I'll be able to get stuff. (Sam for instance is going to need more dry kibble before the end of this month, and because he's a sensitive eater he can only have the one kind of food (Purina One Sensitive Systems flavor); most other stuff he tends to either ignore or just barf back up.) I'm not exactly asking for salon-quality products and my folks know that; I think I'm just an easy scapegoat to pick on for their problems (especially as my dad buys all kinds of shit and my mom won't say boo to him - but complains plenty about it to me). I don't want to be people's whipping post anymore.
My folks are so negative it's dragging on me too. I'm sick of election season already (and that's another bag o' worms - I just pray we keep our democratic governor and senator, because there are a lot of Repuglycon parasites swimming in the political waters this year!) and every time a friggin' commercial or news report comes on my folks have to complain about it. Unfortunately my folks are going to vote Repuglycon (my dad for sure; my mom might just avoid voting at all but who knows) simply because they have it in their heads that our current crop is OMG EVIL and it's their way of getting 'revenge' for all the supposedly high taxes and anti-gun laws and stuff. *eyeroll* Nevermind that ALL of the Repuglycons (as well as a couple of rancid Teabaggers) running for governor (and other offices) of Illinois are anti-choice and anti-marriage equality - I don't trust them to not pull the kind of insanity we're seeing out in Arizona and Texas, to name a couple that've been in the news. Our wannabe 'conservatives' keep harping about jobs and shit but I remember other assholes doing the exact same thing and then turning around and stabbing people in the back with a whole lot of anti-choice and anti-equality bullshit bills.
Tomorrow (after somehow managing to wheedle the Sharknado out of the folks) I am going to Ayinsan's for a much-needed chill time. She mentioned wanting to see Frozen again; I haven't yet seen it but would like to, so that's something good to look forward to.
I wish I could get to a point where I could honestly say that I love my life. This piddling by, just existing, has really worn thin. :(
We may be losing our internet - AGAIN - and possibly for good, if my dad is a total jackass about it (which would not surprise me one little bit). He already yelled at me once tonight for it and will probably unload on me again at some point.
Mom signed on tonight to check her email and the first thing that popped up was a notice from HughesNet saying we were past due, and supposedly according to Dad they've been jacking the billing up or some such. He says it's about $90 (which I question, because he's always been lousy at keeping track of/paying bills), so tomorrow or sometime he's going to call somebody (and probably bite their heads off too, the poor bastards) and find out what's going on.
If this is a legit thing, we're fucked. I won't be able to go to the damned library so easily because I'm so goddamned dependent for a car, and I guarantee you my folks won't be letting me go to the fucking library every day like I used to. (For one thing, gas is 3.58 out here right now.)
So just so y'all know, in case I disappear.
*sighs, goes to bash head against the wall for a long while* IhatemylifeIhatemylifeIhatemylife...
--
So, yeah, not doing well here. I have regular thoughts of self-harm/death but am too lazy and apathetic to actually do something (unless the malaise is really bad, then I want to start carving another slice into my arm) so I wouldn't worry about that (besides, I've always said that if I ever actually do decide to do anything, I'll leave notice first). Things are turning into a mudbowl now with the rising temperatures, yet another reason for me to hate this place. Mom made me turn off Boo's heat lamp, which I didn't want to do, at least not during the night, but she and Dad have been bitching about the electric bill lately (and ragging on me for leaving my One. Room. Light. on when I haven't been in the room for all of five-ten minutes. 'Scuse me if I hate walking into a dark room 'cause I can't see for shit). So far, Boo seems to be okay. I wish I could give her a better home than this shithole.
Am somewhat worried about toiletries/cat supplies right now because when I asked for such on the last grocery run I got yelled at by the folks. Which meant I didn't get the stuff I needed. I'm okay at the moment but things will run short here in the not-too-distant future, and I don't like worrying about when or if I'll be able to get stuff. (Sam for instance is going to need more dry kibble before the end of this month, and because he's a sensitive eater he can only have the one kind of food (Purina One Sensitive Systems flavor); most other stuff he tends to either ignore or just barf back up.) I'm not exactly asking for salon-quality products and my folks know that; I think I'm just an easy scapegoat to pick on for their problems (especially as my dad buys all kinds of shit and my mom won't say boo to him - but complains plenty about it to me). I don't want to be people's whipping post anymore.
My folks are so negative it's dragging on me too. I'm sick of election season already (and that's another bag o' worms - I just pray we keep our democratic governor and senator, because there are a lot of Repuglycon parasites swimming in the political waters this year!) and every time a friggin' commercial or news report comes on my folks have to complain about it. Unfortunately my folks are going to vote Repuglycon (my dad for sure; my mom might just avoid voting at all but who knows) simply because they have it in their heads that our current crop is OMG EVIL and it's their way of getting 'revenge' for all the supposedly high taxes and anti-gun laws and stuff. *eyeroll* Nevermind that ALL of the Repuglycons (as well as a couple of rancid Teabaggers) running for governor (and other offices) of Illinois are anti-choice and anti-marriage equality - I don't trust them to not pull the kind of insanity we're seeing out in Arizona and Texas, to name a couple that've been in the news. Our wannabe 'conservatives' keep harping about jobs and shit but I remember other assholes doing the exact same thing and then turning around and stabbing people in the back with a whole lot of anti-choice and anti-equality bullshit bills.
Tomorrow (after somehow managing to wheedle the Sharknado out of the folks) I am going to Ayinsan's for a much-needed chill time. She mentioned wanting to see Frozen again; I haven't yet seen it but would like to, so that's something good to look forward to.
I wish I could get to a point where I could honestly say that I love my life. This piddling by, just existing, has really worn thin. :(