Pardon me while I burst...
A decade ago, never thought I would be
At twenty-three
On the verge of spontaneous combustion
Woe is me
But I guess that it comes
With the territory
An ominous landscape of
Neverending calamity
I need you to hear, I need you to see
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like a definite possibility
To me
Pardon me while I burst
Into flames
I've had enough of the world
And its peoples' mindless games
Pardon me while I burn
And rise above the flames
Pardon me
Pardon me
I'll never be the same
I did, indeed, first listen to this song a decade ago. I find the phoenix terminology particularly apt at this point in my life. I feel as if I'm in a completely liminal space; the company my mother worked for recently shut down so she's out of a job, my sister just graduated and quit the job that she's worked at for 9 years, and I...am stuck. Seemingly. It's taken quite a bit of time for me to get to the mental point where I feel like I can do something about it. It's extremely frustrating, however...as I don't know where my mother or my sister are going to be in the next couple months, I have to continue putting my own plans on hold. Will I still be here come summertime? I hope to move this summer. Of course, getting over my driving phobia (is there a scientific word? I can't find it) is taking a hell of a lot longer than I'd hoped, especially since we've been getting blizzards off and on and the roads are continuously icy.
Two year ago this time, I had just arrived in Italy; two years ago this day was our first day of orientation at the University of Ferrara. A year ago at this time, I was gearing up for my play. It's been, therefore, nigh on a year since I've done theatre. Last Monday, the Guthrie brought a show to Fargo, but I couldn't go because I was working. Of course, if I'm not working, how can I afford anything?
The two friends I was planning on moving with, well...one just got promoted and now makes twice what I do, and the other will probably be here for another two years in a graduate writing program. Which is great for them, but I refuse to be here for another two years, but I'm oh so leery of having to room with someone I don't know.
But I'm ready.