pondering
Feel free to skip this post if you don't want to here my somewhat angsty musings. For some reason I have a hard time getting the cuts to work right, so I'm not going to bother trying tonight.
I'm trying to update more often but sometimes I just can't think of anything to say. Seems like lately all I want to do is complain and I'm pretty sure most people don't want to sit around and read that all the time.
I find I just don't have the energy to do much lately....well not just lately, it's been a while now. I have such a hard time getting up in the mornings to go to work and I often fall asleep at my desk after lunch for 15 minutes or so (though, not today :) ) and yet, despite being tired all the time, I have a hard time getting to sleep at night. My back has been really bothering me lately, enough that I'm doing my physio excercises twice a day now instead of just once and my neck and shoulders have been sore since Canadian Thanksgiving day weekend (although they are getting better now) and I've been getting lots of headaches. So I'm thinking stress is a major factor. But I don't really feel all that stressed. But what else could it be?
Today I had stomach pains all day and barely ate anything. I had my usual breakfast but only ate a bun with peanut butter for lunch and I made a fajita omlette for dinner. I t's after 8pm and I'm tired but not enough to actually be able to sleep. And before you say that's too early, I have been going to bed around 9pm since I got here over a year ago. lol
It will be 8 months on Friday since the eathquake on 3/11 and there hasn't been a big one in my area since the end of August. There have been one or two medium sized ones (M5) but the last M6 or M.something (tsunami warning included) was around August 20th. So you'd think I'd be feeling a sense of relief at relative normalcy returning to my life. But there are still the odd smallish earthquake and every now and then they come in little groups. When that happens (like this week) I start waiting for a big one and then when nothing happens I don't know what to do with myself. At least after a big one I knew that I had at least a week before I had to worry about another one. Now I either don't think about it at all or start wondering when the next one will come. Not IF, but WHEN. And I know that there might not be another big one while I'm here, but then again, it could happen tonight.
How many earthquakes have there been since 3/11?? The other day I was talking to ninja007 and once again made the realization that, "Holy Shit, I lived through that" and "I survived". That thought has hit me in the face a few times in the past 8 months and each time it's like the first time. At least the nightmares have stopped :) The town beside me got hit by the tsunami and then after that it burned down. My Base school is hoping to be up and running again by Februray. It is located practically on the beach and got hit and damaged by the tsunami. 8 months later there is still no running water at the school and electricity is limited. So only one grade (gr 9) is currently able to use the school. I'm getting very good at using Japanese porta potties (squatt toilets). We are hoping that the school will be ready in time for the end of the school year in March so that the students can have their graduation ceremony in their school gym (fingers crossed).
Despite all this negativity I am still happy here. I love my apartment (although it desperately needs a good cleaning), I love my job (97% of the time) and I still love Japan. I have already decided to stay for a 3rd year. I'm going to Chikako's place every weekend for about 3 hours to study for the JLPT which I will be taking on December 4th in Tokyo, and I really hope to pass this time around. If not I'll be taking it again in July.
On an happy note, Chikako is taking me to a concert (classical trumpet) this Sunday and then we are going out to dinner :) I'm looking forward to this! Also Next Tuesday (the 15th) is the Annual Mid Year Conference for Fukushima JETs in Fukushima city and then on the 17th I'm off to L.A. for the Final Farscape Convention! (and a wedding). I'm really looking forward to seeing all my Scaper pals and having some fun.
Well I think this post is long enough.