Framed Portraits

[americnxidiot]

This was a piece I wrote for a creative writing contest. It wasn't until I saw who won that I realized I completely ignored the rules of the contest haha.

Regardless of my fail, this is the first non-poetry piece of original fiction I've written since I started writing fanfic. I would love to get some feedback on it, positive or negative, cause

Comments

[jennlynnfs]

That pretty much knocked me on my ass.

I loved the way you wove in their history with the present. He didn't mean for things to go that far and when it does, he doesn't think he's worthy enough. Heartbreaking.

Thanks for sharing this.

[americnxidiot]

thank you so much. i really appreciate this :)

[jackiejones11]

Wow, that was really beautiful. Here are some of my thoughts, though I probably need to ruminate, reread, and then revise these ideas

[jackiejones11]

Okay - I knew I'd like it even more when I came back to it.

Let me gush a bit about the Title. It's subtle and elusive, but extremely appropriate. My take on it is that it's using 'framed' as a literary term - as in the break up snippets are the frames for the portraits of their life together. Yes? No? Anyhow, I love that idea and the way you utilize chronology in the story. Thanks again!

[americnxidiot]

wow, thank you so much for your comments. i was bouncing back and forth between "framed portraits" and "fractured portraits" for the title, but i ran out of time and kind of went with the one that was already there haha.

[amrymarie]

What Jenny said. Such a fragile vignette. Stark and cold and heartbreaking and absolutely fabulous.

I also really liked the way you segued between the past and the present. The first instance felt a bit clumsy to me, but I think that was because I wasn't expecting it, rather than because it was actually clumsy.

And the last line is just flawless.

Lovely story.

[americnxidiot]

thank you so much. for the last line, i owe credit to ts. elliot. his words have the ability to completely knock me out.

[amrymarie]

I knew it was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Too much useless info in my head such as lapis lazuli is the latin name for turquoise, and the Spanish infinitive verb lapidar means 'to stone to death.'

Go ahead and laugh at me. My Spanish class did. In both college and high school. I didn't learn the first time.

Thanks for sharing this piece with us all.

Later.

[americnxidiot]

It's really interesting that you read the chronology that way. I wrote it as bouncing back and forth between past and present, but this was kind of an exercise in blending poetry and prose, so I can see how it could be read the other way. Hmm. That's definitely something to think about. Thanks so much, Ang <3

[farkle1]

I like the T.S. Eliot refernce at the end. The way Matthew's world ends, not with a bang...

I go with the previous comments, the weaving together of flashback and present, the way surprises seem constant in the relationship.

I really enjoyed this. What were the parameters that you completely ignored?

[americnxidiot]

I love TS Eliot. I'm pretty such The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock changed my life.

Oh and as for the parameters haha. This was supposed to be written after going to a photo exhibit at my school. I thought I could write on just the tone of the place. Apparently I was supposed to write in response to just one photo.

[farkle1]

I adore the Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock, too. It gives me shivers from the first line...

I've had the same problem all my life. One of my first studio classes in art school I completely missed the point of the assignment, but I did something unexpectedly interesting and the instructor loved it.