At war with myself....
Apparently I have declared war on myself, emotionally. My mind and my heart are at war. I'm so confused and frustrated and angry at myself all at the same time. Its like I'm in a whurlwind of emotions, and i'm not sure how to get out... Its so frustrating cause for the first time in my life I feel so alone. Its like I'm surrounded by so many people but I'm completely alone. I can't really talk to anyone about it, I have to figure this whole thing out by myself, but i haven't a clue on where to start. Its sad, becasue I can give advice on what I'm going through, and have... many times, yet, I can't help myself. I honestly just dont' know what to do....
To make matters worse, Dan the Bartender, who was drinking ON THE JOB, and had to go home, and I had to stay and cover for him, didn't get fired, or wrote up, or even got time off work... no, he got a "verbal warning" and more days than anyway for the next two weeks... now that days are hard to come by.... perhaps I should starting drinking on the job... maybe i won't get fired either... oh wait... i would....
Peter... thanks for your letter.... it made me cry. I wish that I could talk to you about what I've been going through, you've always been able to help me out of situations before. But this one is different, mostly because its about you... I love you so much, i'm just so confused. Honestly, I've never felt this way about anyone before and I'm scared, sounds dumb, but I guess you'd have to understand my past to understand it... Don't worry about me, I'll heal in time, and I'll figure everything out, I just need time. After all time heals all right....