A Difficult Question to Answer....
So, I met an old friend of mine for lunch today. I've known this girl since we were both nine years old. Anyway, we went to eat at a hole in the wall place in the town I grew up in. I had my septum ring in and was in my "normal clothes", ie: jeans and a tank top. The guy who checked us out asked me an odd question. It's one I've been asked before, but I never really thought about how to answer it until today for some reason. He asked me if I got my nose pierced just to get attention. I just shrugged and blew it off.
The question kinda bugged me though. Why do people always assume that if you have anything out of the ordinary you must just be starving for attention? If anything, the attention bugs me. I do what I do because it makes ME happy. Not because it makes me stand out or because I think it makes me look "hardcore". It's a way for me to confirm to myself that my body is under my control. It's a way for me to prove to myself that I can do it, I can endure it.
Every modification, every trial endured makes me feel just a little bit more like myself. It's a catharsis. A way to temporarily keep the demons at bay. I know that sounds unhealthy, but it's true. The marks, the scars provide a release and a reminder of how dark life can get.
I am at peace with the knowledge that the marks I've made to my body will be there forever. I can loose everything and everyone around me. I can be cast out on the streets, out of society, but the art on my body is MINE and no one can ever take those away from me.
So, now let me answer the common questions Cliff and I get asked on a regular basis:
Q: Didn't that hurt?
A: Yes. They jabbed a needle through a part of my body and stuck metal in there. What do you think? It only hurts for a while.
Q: Why would you do that?
A: See above
Q: Do those holes go all the way through? (to Cliff, in reference to his ears)
A: Yes (while thinking, No dumbass, it's an optical illusion)
Q: How much did that cost? Why do you spend money on that?
A: *tell price* Why do you spend money on pot or booze? At least mine is somewhat constructive.
Q: Well, I know a shop in *insert name here* that only charges *insert lower price here*. Why didn't you go there?
A: Because I didn't want a raging infection and if I'm gonna pay someone to stick something sharp through/into my body, price is the least of my worries.
So, now I got that out of my system.....
The question kinda bugged me though. Why do people always assume that if you have anything out of the ordinary you must just be starving for attention? If anything, the attention bugs me. I do what I do because it makes ME happy. Not because it makes me stand out or because I think it makes me look "hardcore". It's a way for me to confirm to myself that my body is under my control. It's a way for me to prove to myself that I can do it, I can endure it.
Every modification, every trial endured makes me feel just a little bit more like myself. It's a catharsis. A way to temporarily keep the demons at bay. I know that sounds unhealthy, but it's true. The marks, the scars provide a release and a reminder of how dark life can get.
I am at peace with the knowledge that the marks I've made to my body will be there forever. I can loose everything and everyone around me. I can be cast out on the streets, out of society, but the art on my body is MINE and no one can ever take those away from me.
So, now let me answer the common questions Cliff and I get asked on a regular basis:
Q: Didn't that hurt?
A: Yes. They jabbed a needle through a part of my body and stuck metal in there. What do you think? It only hurts for a while.
Q: Why would you do that?
A: See above
Q: Do those holes go all the way through? (to Cliff, in reference to his ears)
A: Yes (while thinking, No dumbass, it's an optical illusion)
Q: How much did that cost? Why do you spend money on that?
A: *tell price* Why do you spend money on pot or booze? At least mine is somewhat constructive.
Q: Well, I know a shop in *insert name here* that only charges *insert lower price here*. Why didn't you go there?
A: Because I didn't want a raging infection and if I'm gonna pay someone to stick something sharp through/into my body, price is the least of my worries.
So, now I got that out of my system.....