Honey, Badger Ops don't give a *shit.*
i really love when my family does something amazingly touching for me that i truly don't expect. i've felt awful for the last two days, sunday i was disgustingly hormonal and in intense pain for most of the day, couldn't make it out of the door and consequently didn't get to go to the rodent shelter with the others. i wanted to go, but i was alone for the entire afternoon, which was worse. then some stuff happened and i ended up just breaking down completely in the evening, over some emotional childhood stuff (part of which involved cat ownership) and some gross triggers. then today i woke up at 7:50 and could not get back to sleep no matter how hard i tried. pep was at work the entire day so i was alone all day again, and even though i did manage to go out and pick up some important things, i crashed around 5pm and just fell asleep. i vaguely recall pep coming and waking me up a little at one point, which was really nice, but i couldn't stay awake at all and eventually got woken up at 8pm. i felt awful, dizzy and achey and fuzzy, and i had a horrible headache too.
except that when i went into the living room i found a vase full of yellow chrysanthemums and a yellow cat collar with little bees all over it on my desk.
my family is wonderful. ;~; i'm still trying to get over how touched i am about it...
we watched stepford wives after that, and i drank pepsi and took excedrin and gradually felt a little better. i think it was just caffeine deprivation and tension. i wrote a couple of hundred words for camp nanowrimo, not nearly enough but since i'm fixing up the house and getting married this month, i'm not quite as obsessive about winning it. november is the real prize, after all - camp is mostly just to try and get cracking with writing fanfiction.
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one thing i really miss lately is singing. i'm not very good at it at all, but... when i was little i used to go to a chamber music summer camp, some parts of which were nice and some that weren't. but some of the evenings people (mostly professors and older students) would hang out in the foyer and sing madrigals. i really love early music, but singing those was once of the nicest things i've ever done. that and the choir were my favorite parts of that camp, which is a little sad since i sound so bad singing alone and i'm really a violinist, but singing is so much fun and when it's close counterpoint harmonies like that, in a group so i can't hear exactly how weak my voice really is, it's one of my favorite musical things... well, ever, really.
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i've also been thinking a lot about getting older. for the last few years it's felt like all i've been able to do is pick out things to hate about myself, including how i look-- that is, the times i've even been able to look at my reflection. but even though i like older looks, i have a feeling that when i am older enough that my appearance changes, i'll think i was just about perfect now. i think i really have to hold on to that, so i don't feel stupid for spending all my time hating how i look now, and hopefully i can find the motivation to appreciate myself while i can.
i really don't like that wording. while i can... mortality really frightens me. i probably shouldn't focus on that right now, especially since i'll go to sleep soon.
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matty bought us all tickets to seafair this weekend. i'm going to see the blue angels for real! it will also be my first air show, which is so silly, but it's true. i'm so excited about it. it will be like some kind of airplane heaven.
except that when i went into the living room i found a vase full of yellow chrysanthemums and a yellow cat collar with little bees all over it on my desk.
my family is wonderful. ;~; i'm still trying to get over how touched i am about it...
we watched stepford wives after that, and i drank pepsi and took excedrin and gradually felt a little better. i think it was just caffeine deprivation and tension. i wrote a couple of hundred words for camp nanowrimo, not nearly enough but since i'm fixing up the house and getting married this month, i'm not quite as obsessive about winning it. november is the real prize, after all - camp is mostly just to try and get cracking with writing fanfiction.
--
one thing i really miss lately is singing. i'm not very good at it at all, but... when i was little i used to go to a chamber music summer camp, some parts of which were nice and some that weren't. but some of the evenings people (mostly professors and older students) would hang out in the foyer and sing madrigals. i really love early music, but singing those was once of the nicest things i've ever done. that and the choir were my favorite parts of that camp, which is a little sad since i sound so bad singing alone and i'm really a violinist, but singing is so much fun and when it's close counterpoint harmonies like that, in a group so i can't hear exactly how weak my voice really is, it's one of my favorite musical things... well, ever, really.
--
i've also been thinking a lot about getting older. for the last few years it's felt like all i've been able to do is pick out things to hate about myself, including how i look-- that is, the times i've even been able to look at my reflection. but even though i like older looks, i have a feeling that when i am older enough that my appearance changes, i'll think i was just about perfect now. i think i really have to hold on to that, so i don't feel stupid for spending all my time hating how i look now, and hopefully i can find the motivation to appreciate myself while i can.
i really don't like that wording. while i can... mortality really frightens me. i probably shouldn't focus on that right now, especially since i'll go to sleep soon.
--
matty bought us all tickets to seafair this weekend. i'm going to see the blue angels for real! it will also be my first air show, which is so silly, but it's true. i'm so excited about it. it will be like some kind of airplane heaven.