Just another reason to stay the fuck out of Ohio.

[americanaviator]

 I had a dream I was the Void last night. I don't remember anything that happened, which is probably a good thing. But I remember waking up with half of my face and body feeling black and tarred and sticky and empty. I've had some bad panic dreams before but this wasn't even panic, it was just total disjointedness. It was also sunrise, though, which helped. I woke up and looked out of the window for a bit and shook the dream off, and thought I should probably sit up and watch the sunrise properly except then I just rolled over and went back to sleep.

I've had an entire day of panic attacks, though. I flooded my apartment yesterday. We moved everything around and the apartment looks a lot nicer now. Bebe helped me through a lot of the really bad panic but I feel like the fact that I had that dream kind of shows what a horrible state of mind I'm in. I just kind of broke today and haven't recouped properly. I'm scared to go to bed and lie in the dark in case I can't get to sleep, but I'm also scared to be up and on my own.

I really just wish I wasn't so messed up, and it was easier to see what to do.