(no subject)

May 09, 2006 11:10

It's 11:10 Am and I'm sitting in the library, counting the minutes until I hand in my final final, a take-home exam, at 11:30Am. In twenty-four hours I may not even be on campus anymore. I had a hideous eight o'clock exam this morning and now my energy levels are crashing, though I tried to finish my cornflakes with my roommate and the Finland girl and the Russian boy at the dining hall I was still too hyped-up from the exam. Then then Russian boy said he'd see us sometime, waved, and walked around the corner to the tray collection area. "That's nice, but we never will." My roommate remarked. I'd like to think we will, you never know, but seriously the odds?

My suitemate came in crying yesterday night after a goodbye party where her friend had made a cake with "I'LL MISS YOU" iced across the top. Two pieces - less a bite I hacked off with my fingers later due to lacking clean cutlery - are sitting in my fridge, because this was her recently diagnosed celiac friend who I intended to but never met, and now probably never will. Of course, I proceeded to cry myself, and my roommate informs me that showering does not mask the sound as well as I though it did.

I'm so confused right now. I'm trying to enjoy every second that's remaining, to banish pessimistic self-criticisms "I should have done . . ." and "I wish I'd . . " because I know there useless now and really always have been. There's always something I wish had happened differently, whether I was slouching around my parent's house or over her "having the greatest year of my life". I put that in quotes not to diminish how amazing it's been, but to decry the pressure for everything to be super fantastic . . . and now I have to go hand in
Previous post Next post
Up