A long list of to-dos
Well I managed to get my vet school applications sent in before the deadline this past weekend. I feel very accomplished. I have got the ball rolling for graduate school. I don't know if I am happy about it or not. I still have the GRE to take the 13th of October. I am very nervous, because thanks to all of the shit that I have to do for classes, I haven't had the opportunity to study much at all. I was planning on studying over fall break, but I have plenty of other assignments that I have to get done. I am also taking the time to relax on Fall Break, because if I do not my head my spontaneously combust one day. That is neither good for me or those around me. I am also going to Cincinnati on Saturday for the Renaissance Faire! I have been trying to go back since freshman year and have not been successful--but I finally will be. The only problem is that I am completely broke after having to pay for application fees, that I won't have any money to spend on a nice corset. crap!
Back to reality, I am really having a hard time deciding if the grad school thing is really what I want to do. I mean, I want to go, I just don't know about this coming year. I am scared to leave a place I am so familiar with and great friends to go someplace that I don't know about or anyone there. I feel that I am really happy in my personal situation right now and don't want to jeopardize everything by moving away. Would you sacrifice personal happiness now for possible happiness down the road? I also wish I could afford just to take 6 months off and not have to worry about a job and could just go to some deserted place and get my mind back on track. I hate this burn-out feeling only after a month of classes. If this is how I feel now, I hate to think how next semester is going to go.
I keep wrecking my mind with what I really want to do with my life. I do want to become a vet, and I do want to be successful, but I also want to live in the now and relish every moment I have and not keep looking ahead to the future, unless that future is how I picture it in my mind. I know that there is no guarantee to the future and how I want it to be, but I don't want to feel completely like I am giving it over to fate. I'm just starting to ramble now...