Mirror!Pinto Chapter 5f
Mirror!Pinto Series: Dark Desires
Chapter 5f: Touch what is mine
Summary: Zach gets hurt again, and it's Chris' fault. Whoever did this will pay for it, Chris will make sure of that. And he has help.
Rating: Explicit/NC-17
Warnings: violence, hurt, angst, explicit sex (I hope - see Author's Notes)
Word Count: ~ 2.900
Disclaimer: Seriously? Not mine, never will be. Work of fiction, yadda yadda. *sob* The OCs in here are mine though, I made them, they are mine. Mine mine mine. My preciousssesss... so there. Everybody else is not. The OCs are mine. The others aren't. Got it? ;-P
Additional pairings: John/Anton, Karl/Chris/Zach (eventually, I promise.)
Betaed by wolfhaton , who is awesome, as usual! Thank you bb! Any remaining mistakes are mine, especially since English is not my native tongue.
A/N: So, I this took me ages to finish, but I finally managed to (therefore the "yay" tag - rejoice!!). Also, some feelings and angsting happened. No violence yet, and no sex. Sorry. I will get back to what Chris does best soon, I promise. In the meantime, have some feelings... oh, and some Zach. XD
Series Masterpost with all previous and following chapters and summaries for all parts.
FANMIX byangelrox040 is here.
Touch what is mine Chapter 5f
Chris
Joe glares at him when Chris and Karl arrive, and jerks his head towards the master bedroom without saying a word. Chris ignores it, and Dr. Bana’s greeting too. He’s dimly aware of Karl staying behind to give them their privacy and update Joe on their search as he hastens along the corridor. He can deal with them later; he can’t focus on anything but his lover right now. Chris throws the door open and steps inside, not even noticing that he bangs his elbow on the doorknob. He only has eyes for Zach.
Zach, who is lying on Joe’s own bed, propped up on dozens of pillows. Zach, who lifts his head and blinks sleepily, disturbed by the noise. Zach who sees him and smiles, his face lighting up, who’s looking whole and healthy, who reaches a hand for him and breathes his name.
And Chris stumbles closer, hits the edge of the bed and sinks down on it, clutches Zach’s hand and buries his face in Zach’s shoulder. “I thought I lost you”, he murmurs into his lover’s skin, breath coming in shuddering gasps as he remembers how close it was, how fucking close, how Zach was almost taken from him, twice. He squeezes his eyes shut and shivers, and Zach runs a soothing hand over his back and presses a kiss to his hair.
“You didn’t, Chris. I’m right here.”
They are here, Zach is here, they are together. They lie like that for a while, Chris shuddering and trying to calm his breathing while Zach rubs his back and lets him cling. Zach is warm and familiar against him, soft and strong and alive. His heartbeat sounds even and soothing in Chris’ ears and he’s glad, so glad. He suddenly realizes how tired he is, how exhausted. And how lonely - the bed felt so empty without Zach in it, his heart felt so empty. But now he’s here, Zach’s awake, and maybe he can finally get some rest now.
Eventually, Chris’ tense muscles start to relax, his breathing goes easier and his heart doesn’t seem to be located in his throat anymore. He lifts his head and looks at his lover. Zach gazes back and winks. “Come here often?”
Chris stares at him for a moment, too surprised to say anything. Then Zach’s mouth starts to twitch and his eyes crinkle; soon he starts giggling. And now Chris joins in, laughs and wraps his arms tighter around Zach, feels his lover shake with mirth against him, his feels heart light and warm and not empty anymore, and Chris laughs and laughs.
Joe
Joe sees the Doc to the door and listens attentively to Bana’s advice and orders. Make Zach take his pills, make him stay in bed, make him rest, then everything will be fine soon. Joe can do that, take care of his little brother, even if certain others can’t. He’s half-aware of Karl hovering in the background, watching him. He ignores him while he shakes Bana’s hand and nods when the Doc promises he’ll be over again first thing in the morning to check up on Zach. He’s a good doctor, that Bana. A good man.
Joe watches as the Doc gets in his car and drives off, then closes the door softly and leans his head against the wood for a moment. He’s fucking tired, he hasn’t been sleeping well lately. He’s been too worried. And he doesn’t think the worry will stop anytime soon, not until this whole thing is over. Until Zach is safe again.
Finally he turns around and looks at Karl. Joe and the ex-cop have become pretty good friends over the time he’s been living there, but as much as Joe likes the other, he really doesn’t want to hear what Karl’s undoubtedly about to say. It’s...
“Don’t be too hard on him, Joe. He blames himself enough, he doesn’t need you adding to that.”
... exactly what he thought. He snorts and starts walking past Karl, in the direction of his bedroom. He’s got a bone to pick with someone. Karl grabs his arm and not-so-gently jerks him around to look him in the eye. Karl’s face is serious, his eyes dark and dull. “I mean it, Joe. He hasn’t been eating, or sleeping, all he’s been doing is trying to find that bastard. The blame is eating him up, believe me, I know. I know you’re angry, but blame the fucker who did this, not Chris. Don’t do that Joe, please.”
Joe looks at him and swallows heavily. He remembers a night not so many weeks past, when they both had quite a lot to drink and Karl told him his story. He sees the other touch the part of his shirt where Joe knows the locket rests and sighs. Jesus, Karl. But still. “He’s my little brother, Karl. He’s the only one I got left, and if he got taken from me because of something that Chris did, I just couldn’t... I just wanna lock him up here and protect him from anything that could harm him. That way at least he’d be safe, way safer than he’s been with Chris.”
“And what makes you think I would agree to that?” A new voice interrupts him. Joe whirls around and sees Zach, face pale and a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead, leaning against the wall of the hallway, like he’s not quite strong enough to stand on his own. Which he isn’t, fuck, what is Zach doing walking around?!
“What the fuck are you doing out of bed?!” Joe shrieks, and steps towards his brother. “Fuck, you are meant to stay in bed, damn it Zach! Do you want to tear your stitches or get an infection or something?!”
Zach shakes his head and moves out of reach, his eyes never leaving Joe’s face. “Leave me alone, Joe. I’m fine.”
Joe glares at his little brother. Stupid idiot child, out of bed and walking around when he damn well knows he should be lying down, should be resting and trying to get better! He moves again to grab Zach’s arm and bodily drag him back to bed, but his brother closes a tight hand around his forearm before he can touch him. Joe stops, surprised. Zach never resists him, he always does what Joe says, he never...
“Don’t touch me, Joe. I’m serious. Tell me, why do you think I’d let you lock me up in here to ‘protect’ me? Do you think Chris can’t do that? Do you think I’m not safe when I’m with him?”
And suddenly Joe’s angry, really angry. How can Zach be so naive?! “Damn right you aren’t! Just look at what fucking happened! If it wasn’t for Chris, you’d never gotten fucking hurt in the first place!” Joe is yelling now, and he spares a fleeting, thankful thought that he sent all his employees home earlier. This isn’t something they should hear. This is between him and his brother. “He doesn’t keep you safe, Zach, he’s the reason you got hurt, that you got a fucking knife in your stomach! If you were rid of that asshole, you’d be safe and I could stop worrying! And if I have to lock you up to keep him away from you, I damn well will! At least that way he can’t get you hurt!”
“Joe.” Karl’s voice is quiet, but it stops the next words in Joe’s throat. Zach hasn’t said anything during Joe’s tirade and, now that he looks at his brother, he suddenly realizes that Zach is standing up straight, no longer leaning against the wall, fist clenched at his sides and trembling slightly. His face is pale in the light of the hallway, his eyes are wide and dark as he looks at Joe without blinking.
“Joe. Brother. I love you with all my heart, but don’t do this. Don’t threaten to take him away from me. Don’t make me choose between you and Chris, I can’t do it. I just can’t. But if you try to come between me and him, you’ll force me to. And I don’t think I’ll choose you. He’s my life, Joe, I can’t give him up. Not even for you. Don’t try to make me.”
Zach’s eyes are shining with suppressed tears, but his face is determined and dead-serious. Joe looks at him and feels his heart beat in his throat. Jesus, Zach, Jesus... he only wants to keep his brother safe, to protect him, he didn’t mean to drive him away. But it seems like he’s doing that right now, he’s hurting Zach. He’s hurting him because he’s been too selfish, wanted Zach all for himself, not have to share him with Chris. Chris who got him hurt, yeah, but hasn’t Joe hurt Zach too? And hasn’t Chris kept Zach safe all these other times, had protected him and killed and almost died for him? Had done all the things that Joe couldn’t do, because he wasn’t there when all those bastards had tried to hurt him... Chris was there then, and Joe wasn’t. Yeah, he fucked up earlier, but who doesn’t? When that bastard Winters came after Zach, Joe hadn’t been able to protect him either. But Chris is trying, Joe knows that. Zach trusts Chris to protect him, like he did his brother before. Before, when Zach needed Joe, not Chris. Not Joe anymore now, now he has Chris.
Karl has disappeared at some point to give them their privacy. Joe hasn’t even noticed. He’s been focused on Zach - his little brother, who’s looking at him with sadness and determination in his face, ready to do the unthinkable and leave Joe if he tries to take Chris away from him. Leave him... Joe sighs deeply, his shoulders slump. He looks at the floor.
It’s hard accepting this, that Zach doesn’t need him anymore like he used to do, that there’s someone else now who takes care of him and protects him. It’s hard. But Joe knows he has to learn to accept it, accept Chris properly, stop seeing him as one of Zach’s random flings, as someone who’s around for a while and then leaves again. ‘He’s my life’, Zach said, and that... that is something he’s never said about anyone before. Chris is Zach’s life, his other half, just as Zach is Joe’s. His Zach, his little brother. Not so meek and shy anymore, no, not holding his hand and looking up at him, letting Joe take care of him like he’s always done. No, standing alone, without Joe’s help, angry and confident and determined. Not so little after all...
When Joe looks up again Zach is still watching him. He’s biting his lip, shaking slightly. And now Joe sees how sad and troubled Zach really is, insecure and worried, fearing that Joe would indeed force him to choose. It calms his aching heart a bit, Zach is still his little brother, he always will be, and if he needs Joe’s approval and support, he’ll get it. Zach will get anything he needs, anything. And if that means he’s got to forgive Chris and accept him properly, Joe will do exactly that. For Zach.
Joe sighs and moves towards his brother. Zach is still eyeing him worriedly, but he relaxes as soon as Joe wraps his arms around him. He holds Zach close, as tightly as he can without putting pressure on his wound. Zach puts his own arms around Joe and buries his face in his neck, Joe inhales his brother’s smell and closes his eyes, clutching him a bit tighter. “I just want you to be safe and happy, Zach. That’s all I want.”
“I know, Joe. I am. I am happy, Chris makes me happy.”
Joe sighs again and rubs his brother’s back. Zach’s slender frame seems to almost disappear in his big arms, like it did when he was little. But Joe knows it’s time to admit to himself that Zach can take care of himself, he’s seen it often enough. “I know he does. It’s just... big-brotherly instincts, you know? But if you’re happy, I can accept that. Doesn’t mean I won’t fuck his shit up if he breaks your heart, but... I know you love him, and he loves you, so I’m glad for that. I’m glad you have him so, you know, you have my blessing and all.”
He feels Zach’s smile against the skin of his neck. “Thank you, Joe. Means a lot.”
“No problem, kiddo.” Joe pulls back, lets his hands rest on Zach’s shoulders and looks his brother in the eyes. “I love you, you know that, right?”
Zach smiles softly and reaches up to touch Joe’s right hand. “Yeah, I know. Love you too.”
“Good. And now you better get back to bed before you tear your stitches and Bana kills me because I let you walk around.”
Zach rolls his eyes and sighs in mock exasperation. “Yes Joe, of course Joe, right away Joe.”
Joe grins and cuffs the side of Zach’s head. “Brat.”
Zach scowls exaggeratedly and shoves him back in retaliation. “Jerk.”
Joe slings an arm around his brother’s shoulder as they walk back towards his room. They reach the door and Joe holds Zach back before he can enter. He looks at his brother, searches his face and hesitates a bit before asking: “We’re good?”
Zach smiles slowly, but his eyes are serious. “You sometimes are an intrusive bastard who can’t accept that I’m not 12 anymore, but I know you mean well. So yeah, we’re good.”
Joe nods, relief and sadness battling in his heart. “You’re my brother. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop worrying and want to force you to do what I think is right for you, but I promise I’ll try.”
Zach nods, too. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”
Joe smiles a bit crookedly. “Fair enough.” He heaves a sigh and shakes his head slowly. Fuck, he needs a drink, what a day. But now Zach’s safe and happy and on the way back to health, and this day is finally over.
“You better go in now, I’m sure Chris is wondering where you went.”
“He’s asleep, finally.” Zach’s voice is soft. “I don’t think he slept all week...” He looks troubled again now, worried for his lover.
“Then you really need to get in there, I bet he’ll sleep better if you’re with him. I know I would.”
Zach nods and opens the door. He’s about to enter the room when he decides otherwise and turns towards Joe again. And suddenly there are warm lips on his cheek, Zach presses a soft kiss there before he steps back and smiles. Joe is gaping, stunned. He touches his cheek in wonder and stares at his brother. Zach hasn’t done that in forever, not since he was little and Joe read him bed-time stories and stayed in his room until Zach had fallen asleep... Joe feels a sudden sting in his eyes. He blinks against the tears, his own smile wavers slightly. Jesus, Zach, today he almost lost again.
The other’s smile is warm and gentle. “Night, big brother.”
Joe clears his throat and manages to sound not too hoarse when he speaks. “Night, kiddo. Sleep well.”
“I will.” Over Zach’s shoulder Joe can see Chris curled up on the bed, sleeping soundly. Looks like he really needed it. Zach looks at his lover for a moment, eyes soft. “With him, I will.”
He gives Joe another smile and steps into the room. Joe watches him, and before he even notices himself, his arm has shot out and grabbed Zach, stopping him from closing the door. Zach looks at him in confusion and slight annoyance, and Joe fumbles for words for a moment. He’s not really sure what made him stop Zach. His brother looks towards his lover, then back at Joe, he lightly pulls on the arm that Joe is still holding and cocks his head, a touch more annoyed now. “What now, Joe? I’m tired.”
“Chris, he’s your... your life?”
Zach’s smile is soft and gentle, and in his eyes is a look that Joe has never seen before. This look, this smile, this glow in Zach’s face, it’s all because of Chris, for Chris.
“Yes, my life. My everything.”
Joe lets go of Zach’s arm and nods weakly. “Good,” he murmurs, slightly embarrassed. He’s not sure why he asked again, maybe just... just to hear one more time that Zach really is happy. Zach takes his hand and presses it briefly, then walks over to the bed and slides in next to Chris. Joe stands in the door and watches them for a short while, how Zach wriggles into Chris’ arms and winces slightly when his wound stings. Chris doesn’t wake up, but as soon as he feels Zach against him, he curls himself around Zach protectively, tightening arms and legs around his lover’s body as if he feared Zach might disappear again. Joe sees it, sees Zach press a kiss to Chris’ shoulder and sees his smile, then he closes the door and walks away. ‘He’s my life’. Yes, he can accept that. He doesn’t have to like Chris, but for Zach, he can accept him.
TBC...
(soon, I promise! As wolfhaton put it: "meanwhile, at the laundromat, the blood-soaked pinto clothes were being washed - okay we now return to your scheduled violence and sex"...)
EDIT: Next part is here. Fucking finally.
Chapter 5f: Touch what is mine
Summary: Zach gets hurt again, and it's Chris' fault. Whoever did this will pay for it, Chris will make sure of that. And he has help.
Rating: Explicit/NC-17
Warnings: violence, hurt, angst, explicit sex (I hope - see Author's Notes)
Word Count: ~ 2.900
Disclaimer: Seriously? Not mine, never will be. Work of fiction, yadda yadda. *sob* The OCs in here are mine though, I made them, they are mine. Mine mine mine. My preciousssesss... so there. Everybody else is not. The OCs are mine. The others aren't. Got it? ;-P
Additional pairings: John/Anton, Karl/Chris/Zach (eventually, I promise.)
Betaed by wolfhaton , who is awesome, as usual! Thank you bb! Any remaining mistakes are mine, especially since English is not my native tongue.
A/N: So, I this took me ages to finish, but I finally managed to (therefore the "yay" tag - rejoice!!). Also, some feelings and angsting happened. No violence yet, and no sex. Sorry. I will get back to what Chris does best soon, I promise. In the meantime, have some feelings... oh, and some Zach. XD
Series Masterpost with all previous and following chapters and summaries for all parts.
FANMIX byangelrox040 is here.
Touch what is mine Chapter 5f
Chris
Joe glares at him when Chris and Karl arrive, and jerks his head towards the master bedroom without saying a word. Chris ignores it, and Dr. Bana’s greeting too. He’s dimly aware of Karl staying behind to give them their privacy and update Joe on their search as he hastens along the corridor. He can deal with them later; he can’t focus on anything but his lover right now. Chris throws the door open and steps inside, not even noticing that he bangs his elbow on the doorknob. He only has eyes for Zach.
Zach, who is lying on Joe’s own bed, propped up on dozens of pillows. Zach, who lifts his head and blinks sleepily, disturbed by the noise. Zach who sees him and smiles, his face lighting up, who’s looking whole and healthy, who reaches a hand for him and breathes his name.
And Chris stumbles closer, hits the edge of the bed and sinks down on it, clutches Zach’s hand and buries his face in Zach’s shoulder. “I thought I lost you”, he murmurs into his lover’s skin, breath coming in shuddering gasps as he remembers how close it was, how fucking close, how Zach was almost taken from him, twice. He squeezes his eyes shut and shivers, and Zach runs a soothing hand over his back and presses a kiss to his hair.
“You didn’t, Chris. I’m right here.”
They are here, Zach is here, they are together. They lie like that for a while, Chris shuddering and trying to calm his breathing while Zach rubs his back and lets him cling. Zach is warm and familiar against him, soft and strong and alive. His heartbeat sounds even and soothing in Chris’ ears and he’s glad, so glad. He suddenly realizes how tired he is, how exhausted. And how lonely - the bed felt so empty without Zach in it, his heart felt so empty. But now he’s here, Zach’s awake, and maybe he can finally get some rest now.
Eventually, Chris’ tense muscles start to relax, his breathing goes easier and his heart doesn’t seem to be located in his throat anymore. He lifts his head and looks at his lover. Zach gazes back and winks. “Come here often?”
Chris stares at him for a moment, too surprised to say anything. Then Zach’s mouth starts to twitch and his eyes crinkle; soon he starts giggling. And now Chris joins in, laughs and wraps his arms tighter around Zach, feels his lover shake with mirth against him, his feels heart light and warm and not empty anymore, and Chris laughs and laughs.
Joe
Joe sees the Doc to the door and listens attentively to Bana’s advice and orders. Make Zach take his pills, make him stay in bed, make him rest, then everything will be fine soon. Joe can do that, take care of his little brother, even if certain others can’t. He’s half-aware of Karl hovering in the background, watching him. He ignores him while he shakes Bana’s hand and nods when the Doc promises he’ll be over again first thing in the morning to check up on Zach. He’s a good doctor, that Bana. A good man.
Joe watches as the Doc gets in his car and drives off, then closes the door softly and leans his head against the wood for a moment. He’s fucking tired, he hasn’t been sleeping well lately. He’s been too worried. And he doesn’t think the worry will stop anytime soon, not until this whole thing is over. Until Zach is safe again.
Finally he turns around and looks at Karl. Joe and the ex-cop have become pretty good friends over the time he’s been living there, but as much as Joe likes the other, he really doesn’t want to hear what Karl’s undoubtedly about to say. It’s...
“Don’t be too hard on him, Joe. He blames himself enough, he doesn’t need you adding to that.”
... exactly what he thought. He snorts and starts walking past Karl, in the direction of his bedroom. He’s got a bone to pick with someone. Karl grabs his arm and not-so-gently jerks him around to look him in the eye. Karl’s face is serious, his eyes dark and dull. “I mean it, Joe. He hasn’t been eating, or sleeping, all he’s been doing is trying to find that bastard. The blame is eating him up, believe me, I know. I know you’re angry, but blame the fucker who did this, not Chris. Don’t do that Joe, please.”
Joe looks at him and swallows heavily. He remembers a night not so many weeks past, when they both had quite a lot to drink and Karl told him his story. He sees the other touch the part of his shirt where Joe knows the locket rests and sighs. Jesus, Karl. But still. “He’s my little brother, Karl. He’s the only one I got left, and if he got taken from me because of something that Chris did, I just couldn’t... I just wanna lock him up here and protect him from anything that could harm him. That way at least he’d be safe, way safer than he’s been with Chris.”
“And what makes you think I would agree to that?” A new voice interrupts him. Joe whirls around and sees Zach, face pale and a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead, leaning against the wall of the hallway, like he’s not quite strong enough to stand on his own. Which he isn’t, fuck, what is Zach doing walking around?!
“What the fuck are you doing out of bed?!” Joe shrieks, and steps towards his brother. “Fuck, you are meant to stay in bed, damn it Zach! Do you want to tear your stitches or get an infection or something?!”
Zach shakes his head and moves out of reach, his eyes never leaving Joe’s face. “Leave me alone, Joe. I’m fine.”
Joe glares at his little brother. Stupid idiot child, out of bed and walking around when he damn well knows he should be lying down, should be resting and trying to get better! He moves again to grab Zach’s arm and bodily drag him back to bed, but his brother closes a tight hand around his forearm before he can touch him. Joe stops, surprised. Zach never resists him, he always does what Joe says, he never...
“Don’t touch me, Joe. I’m serious. Tell me, why do you think I’d let you lock me up in here to ‘protect’ me? Do you think Chris can’t do that? Do you think I’m not safe when I’m with him?”
And suddenly Joe’s angry, really angry. How can Zach be so naive?! “Damn right you aren’t! Just look at what fucking happened! If it wasn’t for Chris, you’d never gotten fucking hurt in the first place!” Joe is yelling now, and he spares a fleeting, thankful thought that he sent all his employees home earlier. This isn’t something they should hear. This is between him and his brother. “He doesn’t keep you safe, Zach, he’s the reason you got hurt, that you got a fucking knife in your stomach! If you were rid of that asshole, you’d be safe and I could stop worrying! And if I have to lock you up to keep him away from you, I damn well will! At least that way he can’t get you hurt!”
“Joe.” Karl’s voice is quiet, but it stops the next words in Joe’s throat. Zach hasn’t said anything during Joe’s tirade and, now that he looks at his brother, he suddenly realizes that Zach is standing up straight, no longer leaning against the wall, fist clenched at his sides and trembling slightly. His face is pale in the light of the hallway, his eyes are wide and dark as he looks at Joe without blinking.
“Joe. Brother. I love you with all my heart, but don’t do this. Don’t threaten to take him away from me. Don’t make me choose between you and Chris, I can’t do it. I just can’t. But if you try to come between me and him, you’ll force me to. And I don’t think I’ll choose you. He’s my life, Joe, I can’t give him up. Not even for you. Don’t try to make me.”
Zach’s eyes are shining with suppressed tears, but his face is determined and dead-serious. Joe looks at him and feels his heart beat in his throat. Jesus, Zach, Jesus... he only wants to keep his brother safe, to protect him, he didn’t mean to drive him away. But it seems like he’s doing that right now, he’s hurting Zach. He’s hurting him because he’s been too selfish, wanted Zach all for himself, not have to share him with Chris. Chris who got him hurt, yeah, but hasn’t Joe hurt Zach too? And hasn’t Chris kept Zach safe all these other times, had protected him and killed and almost died for him? Had done all the things that Joe couldn’t do, because he wasn’t there when all those bastards had tried to hurt him... Chris was there then, and Joe wasn’t. Yeah, he fucked up earlier, but who doesn’t? When that bastard Winters came after Zach, Joe hadn’t been able to protect him either. But Chris is trying, Joe knows that. Zach trusts Chris to protect him, like he did his brother before. Before, when Zach needed Joe, not Chris. Not Joe anymore now, now he has Chris.
Karl has disappeared at some point to give them their privacy. Joe hasn’t even noticed. He’s been focused on Zach - his little brother, who’s looking at him with sadness and determination in his face, ready to do the unthinkable and leave Joe if he tries to take Chris away from him. Leave him... Joe sighs deeply, his shoulders slump. He looks at the floor.
It’s hard accepting this, that Zach doesn’t need him anymore like he used to do, that there’s someone else now who takes care of him and protects him. It’s hard. But Joe knows he has to learn to accept it, accept Chris properly, stop seeing him as one of Zach’s random flings, as someone who’s around for a while and then leaves again. ‘He’s my life’, Zach said, and that... that is something he’s never said about anyone before. Chris is Zach’s life, his other half, just as Zach is Joe’s. His Zach, his little brother. Not so meek and shy anymore, no, not holding his hand and looking up at him, letting Joe take care of him like he’s always done. No, standing alone, without Joe’s help, angry and confident and determined. Not so little after all...
When Joe looks up again Zach is still watching him. He’s biting his lip, shaking slightly. And now Joe sees how sad and troubled Zach really is, insecure and worried, fearing that Joe would indeed force him to choose. It calms his aching heart a bit, Zach is still his little brother, he always will be, and if he needs Joe’s approval and support, he’ll get it. Zach will get anything he needs, anything. And if that means he’s got to forgive Chris and accept him properly, Joe will do exactly that. For Zach.
Joe sighs and moves towards his brother. Zach is still eyeing him worriedly, but he relaxes as soon as Joe wraps his arms around him. He holds Zach close, as tightly as he can without putting pressure on his wound. Zach puts his own arms around Joe and buries his face in his neck, Joe inhales his brother’s smell and closes his eyes, clutching him a bit tighter. “I just want you to be safe and happy, Zach. That’s all I want.”
“I know, Joe. I am. I am happy, Chris makes me happy.”
Joe sighs again and rubs his brother’s back. Zach’s slender frame seems to almost disappear in his big arms, like it did when he was little. But Joe knows it’s time to admit to himself that Zach can take care of himself, he’s seen it often enough. “I know he does. It’s just... big-brotherly instincts, you know? But if you’re happy, I can accept that. Doesn’t mean I won’t fuck his shit up if he breaks your heart, but... I know you love him, and he loves you, so I’m glad for that. I’m glad you have him so, you know, you have my blessing and all.”
He feels Zach’s smile against the skin of his neck. “Thank you, Joe. Means a lot.”
“No problem, kiddo.” Joe pulls back, lets his hands rest on Zach’s shoulders and looks his brother in the eyes. “I love you, you know that, right?”
Zach smiles softly and reaches up to touch Joe’s right hand. “Yeah, I know. Love you too.”
“Good. And now you better get back to bed before you tear your stitches and Bana kills me because I let you walk around.”
Zach rolls his eyes and sighs in mock exasperation. “Yes Joe, of course Joe, right away Joe.”
Joe grins and cuffs the side of Zach’s head. “Brat.”
Zach scowls exaggeratedly and shoves him back in retaliation. “Jerk.”
Joe slings an arm around his brother’s shoulder as they walk back towards his room. They reach the door and Joe holds Zach back before he can enter. He looks at his brother, searches his face and hesitates a bit before asking: “We’re good?”
Zach smiles slowly, but his eyes are serious. “You sometimes are an intrusive bastard who can’t accept that I’m not 12 anymore, but I know you mean well. So yeah, we’re good.”
Joe nods, relief and sadness battling in his heart. “You’re my brother. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop worrying and want to force you to do what I think is right for you, but I promise I’ll try.”
Zach nods, too. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”
Joe smiles a bit crookedly. “Fair enough.” He heaves a sigh and shakes his head slowly. Fuck, he needs a drink, what a day. But now Zach’s safe and happy and on the way back to health, and this day is finally over.
“You better go in now, I’m sure Chris is wondering where you went.”
“He’s asleep, finally.” Zach’s voice is soft. “I don’t think he slept all week...” He looks troubled again now, worried for his lover.
“Then you really need to get in there, I bet he’ll sleep better if you’re with him. I know I would.”
Zach nods and opens the door. He’s about to enter the room when he decides otherwise and turns towards Joe again. And suddenly there are warm lips on his cheek, Zach presses a soft kiss there before he steps back and smiles. Joe is gaping, stunned. He touches his cheek in wonder and stares at his brother. Zach hasn’t done that in forever, not since he was little and Joe read him bed-time stories and stayed in his room until Zach had fallen asleep... Joe feels a sudden sting in his eyes. He blinks against the tears, his own smile wavers slightly. Jesus, Zach, today he almost lost again.
The other’s smile is warm and gentle. “Night, big brother.”
Joe clears his throat and manages to sound not too hoarse when he speaks. “Night, kiddo. Sleep well.”
“I will.” Over Zach’s shoulder Joe can see Chris curled up on the bed, sleeping soundly. Looks like he really needed it. Zach looks at his lover for a moment, eyes soft. “With him, I will.”
He gives Joe another smile and steps into the room. Joe watches him, and before he even notices himself, his arm has shot out and grabbed Zach, stopping him from closing the door. Zach looks at him in confusion and slight annoyance, and Joe fumbles for words for a moment. He’s not really sure what made him stop Zach. His brother looks towards his lover, then back at Joe, he lightly pulls on the arm that Joe is still holding and cocks his head, a touch more annoyed now. “What now, Joe? I’m tired.”
“Chris, he’s your... your life?”
Zach’s smile is soft and gentle, and in his eyes is a look that Joe has never seen before. This look, this smile, this glow in Zach’s face, it’s all because of Chris, for Chris.
“Yes, my life. My everything.”
Joe lets go of Zach’s arm and nods weakly. “Good,” he murmurs, slightly embarrassed. He’s not sure why he asked again, maybe just... just to hear one more time that Zach really is happy. Zach takes his hand and presses it briefly, then walks over to the bed and slides in next to Chris. Joe stands in the door and watches them for a short while, how Zach wriggles into Chris’ arms and winces slightly when his wound stings. Chris doesn’t wake up, but as soon as he feels Zach against him, he curls himself around Zach protectively, tightening arms and legs around his lover’s body as if he feared Zach might disappear again. Joe sees it, sees Zach press a kiss to Chris’ shoulder and sees his smile, then he closes the door and walks away. ‘He’s my life’. Yes, he can accept that. He doesn’t have to like Chris, but for Zach, he can accept him.
TBC...
(soon, I promise! As wolfhaton put it: "meanwhile, at the laundromat, the blood-soaked pinto clothes were being washed - okay we now return to your scheduled violence and sex"...)
EDIT: Next part is here. Fucking finally.