Thoughts on weddings, 25 February
Now that we're planning a wedding, I've been voraciously consuming wedding blogs and Web sites. Having never done this before, I’ve found some pretty reliable sources on finding vendors, what questions to ask, how to budget for an event like this. I found myself reading two sites often. Incidentally, they're on rather opposite sides of the spectrum. The Knot and Offbeat Bride.
I'm sure you're familiar with both, but indulge me.
The Knot is a very princess-y, "THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE” sort of deal and part of what has been dubbed, if you haven't heard it, THE WEDDING INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX (WIC). Nevertheless, it has a helpful budget planner and answers to etiquette questions. So it serves a purpose.
Offbeat Bride, definitely, is on the opposite side. It reminds you that you're not alone if you absolutely loathe the idea of powderpuff pink bridesmaid dresses, and if the phrase "join us for our lovefeast" makes you want to puke. (If that's your thing, that's cool. It's just not my thing.) It's refreshing to read stories of real people who didn't *gasp* use flowers as centerpieces. Hell, they didn't use flowers for bouquets. Nice. Different. Interesting.
But something was nagging at me about both sites. I couldn't quite name it. I started noticing that 90% of the weddings featured on Offbeat were eerily similar. Radioactive colors. Red wedding dresses. Decorative skulls.
Then I read this post:
http://offbeatbride.com/2009/02/you-know-youre-an-offbeat-bride
Is this all that weddings come down to - posturing? You’re either trying to show off your Cinderella fantasy or Indie cred? That post alone isn't all that shocking, and the site's author makes a point not to judge more traditional weddings, but it illustrates the trend.
On the WIC side, you’re told this is the MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF THE BRIDE'S LIFE (note that they never, ever say it's the most important day of a groom's life). It goes without saying that I'm thrilled to be marrying Himself. And the point of a wedding is to celebrate a commitment we’re making to each other. Then what? It all goes downhill from there? No other important days? No other good times or memorable moments? Sure, put on your Henny Youngman face and say it just gets worse, but I'm enjoying my time with Himself now and will enjoy the rest of my life with him. That's why I'm marrying him. I couldn’t imagine doing it without him. And we have many more happy, important days ahead.
I do want to do something different for the wedding. I don’t want it to be bland and ultimately forgettable for everyone but us. I want it to be interesting and include whatever traditions we like as we toss the rest that are meaningless to us. This is the only event we'll have that's about us and should be an expression who we are. It's not about trying to fit an arbitrary wedding mold.
That said, I’m not interested in using our wedding at a platform to show off my indie cred or scare my grandma. We’d going to get dressed up in nice clothes (something we don’t often get to do), have a simple ceremony, then have a good meal with some wine and dancing, joined by the people who are closest to us.
Somehow, our culture complicates it.
Wearing a white dress doesn’t mean I’ve been enslaved by WIC. Making a bouquet out of silk leaves and feathers doesn’t mean I’m flaunting some Hipster cred.
Himself and I are easy-going people. We’re not mainstream. We’re not alternative. We’re just us.
I'm sure you're familiar with both, but indulge me.
The Knot is a very princess-y, "THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE” sort of deal and part of what has been dubbed, if you haven't heard it, THE WEDDING INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX (WIC). Nevertheless, it has a helpful budget planner and answers to etiquette questions. So it serves a purpose.
Offbeat Bride, definitely, is on the opposite side. It reminds you that you're not alone if you absolutely loathe the idea of powderpuff pink bridesmaid dresses, and if the phrase "join us for our lovefeast" makes you want to puke. (If that's your thing, that's cool. It's just not my thing.) It's refreshing to read stories of real people who didn't *gasp* use flowers as centerpieces. Hell, they didn't use flowers for bouquets. Nice. Different. Interesting.
But something was nagging at me about both sites. I couldn't quite name it. I started noticing that 90% of the weddings featured on Offbeat were eerily similar. Radioactive colors. Red wedding dresses. Decorative skulls.
Then I read this post:
http://offbeatbride.com/2009/02/you-know-youre-an-offbeat-bride
Is this all that weddings come down to - posturing? You’re either trying to show off your Cinderella fantasy or Indie cred? That post alone isn't all that shocking, and the site's author makes a point not to judge more traditional weddings, but it illustrates the trend.
On the WIC side, you’re told this is the MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF THE BRIDE'S LIFE (note that they never, ever say it's the most important day of a groom's life). It goes without saying that I'm thrilled to be marrying Himself. And the point of a wedding is to celebrate a commitment we’re making to each other. Then what? It all goes downhill from there? No other important days? No other good times or memorable moments? Sure, put on your Henny Youngman face and say it just gets worse, but I'm enjoying my time with Himself now and will enjoy the rest of my life with him. That's why I'm marrying him. I couldn’t imagine doing it without him. And we have many more happy, important days ahead.
I do want to do something different for the wedding. I don’t want it to be bland and ultimately forgettable for everyone but us. I want it to be interesting and include whatever traditions we like as we toss the rest that are meaningless to us. This is the only event we'll have that's about us and should be an expression who we are. It's not about trying to fit an arbitrary wedding mold.
That said, I’m not interested in using our wedding at a platform to show off my indie cred or scare my grandma. We’d going to get dressed up in nice clothes (something we don’t often get to do), have a simple ceremony, then have a good meal with some wine and dancing, joined by the people who are closest to us.
Somehow, our culture complicates it.
Wearing a white dress doesn’t mean I’ve been enslaved by WIC. Making a bouquet out of silk leaves and feathers doesn’t mean I’m flaunting some Hipster cred.
Himself and I are easy-going people. We’re not mainstream. We’re not alternative. We’re just us.