Boxes
>>Jarrad and I have finally gotten together (on Skype) to go through the boxes I've left behind. We wanted to try and lighten the load by getting rid of more stuff. My tummy doesn't feel happy. It's way too hard to get rid of some of this stuff. It should NOT be this hard! >_< I have gotten most of the boxes reduced by half or almost half, plus, I
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>>The most frustrating part is, I have mood swings, where I'm ready to shed a whole ton of crap I don't need, but I can't schedule that to when I'm doing this packing and sorting. I've discovered that there are quite a few more boxes here in my parents' storage that I didn't know was here...and I'm totally feeling how you're describing. I feel weighed down with stuff I know I don't need. And remember back when we were sorting in Olympia? I tried to get rid of my Barbies and Beanie Babies, and my mom came through and got all upset! I come by it honestly....
>>My problem is, I tend to think of single pieces of my stuff and having a potential that I haven't quite found for it yet. I worry that if I toss it, I'll want it later. Like, I may want to show my kids my scrapbook of notes and drawings that my students in Japan made for me. I didn't keep all of it, HEAVENS no! That'd just be a shit-ton! But...for those rare moments that I want to reminisce, it'd just be sitting in a box gathering dust. :( Or like, I have all of my formal school dance dresses in my mom's closet. I thought that someday, I'd wear them to officer's balls...and now my dream for them is that my little granddaughter(s) would find them in a trunk in the attic and play dress up in them. *lip wibble* Is that so wrong?!..... *hangs head in shame* I know it is....
>>I don't think I'll have time to read the book in time. Jarrad wanted to do some boxes tonight, and I spent the whole day with the boys preparing for Mother's Day. x_x I will read it soon, though.
>>And, I have had you in the back of my head telling me about books you read like this (if it wasn't this one). I've tried to think like a monk, and slough off material burdens. But yeah...those impulses are strongest when I'm NOT looking at the boxes in front of me. :p
>>>K...gonna stop making a post-script journal entry in this reply. ^_^' *huggles once more* Wanna help me when I get to my storage unit in Olympia?! XD * maniacal laugh*
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I think you need to exert some control over how you feel about the situation. I believe you can. That's why I recommended the book and those articles. You don't have to follow their advice 100% to the letter (honestly, a perfectly minimalist home is a bore!), but you can try and use their encouragement to get yourself pumped up before you put yourself through the ringer. Before you and Jarrad get started on the boxes, try reading a few of the articles with him and try to talk out your feelings. If you get frustrated and angry, let it work through you, take a breather, drink some juice, and try again.
Jarrad will need to understand that there are somethings you want to keep that may not make sense to him and you have to understand that there is excess in your life that he can help you identify. You both care about eachother very much, so any frustration stems from caring so darn much. Unfortunately, I think you may have to break yourself down a little in order to build yourself back up. That's perfectly healthy. Work through it and if you both come to a comfortable understanding, then you can work through the boxes with more ease.
Also, before you start on the boxes, try to make a mental list. I want you to imagine your dream home - empty. No furniture, no clothes, nothing. And I want you to start picturing everything you want to have in the home for use, to keep on display, or to keep as a momento. A general idea is fine: Your laptop, baking utensils, your Japan Dolls, Chrno Crusade books, Final Fantasy figurines, the skirt with bells, your green skirt, your favorite overalls, bento cookbook, and so on...
Now dream of a trunk - a treasure chest. This is for your future son/daughter. What do you want to keep in that trunk? Do you really need to keep all of your old gowns or do you need just one? Won't you be buying new things for your child? Do you feel having a dusty attic of forgotten belongings are more rewarding for your child than a chest of heirlooms? Do you really want to contend with moving twenty boxes of forgotten goods from one house to another whenever you two might have to move... just to have those things?
Once you feel satisfied that you have a general idea of what you need in that dream home (and I don't mean Need as in, "Survival Only" - I mean "Need" as in, "Emotionally, Mentally, and Physically Fulfilled") and what you want to keep for the future in your treasure chest, then when you go through the boxes and Jarrad shows you possessions that do not fit that mental list, give it more thorough, critical consideration.
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Some things to consider:
- The words of my homeboy, Gandhi: "Live simply, so that others may simply live." Imagine that every inch of space your belongings take up robs an inch of space from someone who needs it. Keep your possessions in clear perspective.
- If you bought a complete manga collection but have not read a single page in the past three years, you're not going to read it in the next three years. Even if you wanted the books to be available to read, you could ask a friend (myself included) to pick it up in Book Off and send it to you. It's best to sell off excess manga now while it is convenient.
- Same goes for books. If you haven't cracked open the book in the past year, toss it. If it is a book you wish to keep or re-read, check out Kindle. Digital books are awesome, easily readable and weightless. You don't need pretty books to make your house look nice (I'm coming to terms with that too). When I visit you, I don't think about your bookshelf and what's in it - I think about spending time with the two of you (and my kitty niece and nephew). So keep the books that you adore and are too rare to find. If you have an old favorite paperback, pick it up on Kindle and it will be saved on your computer with your music.
-Speaking of which, sell your CDs. Not the ones that have emotional value to you, but all the others? Yes. Sell them. Including the one's I've bought for you. You've honored your commitment to purchasing legit music and you've copied it onto your computer - it's digital now, so the rest is dead weight. I've got a small box of CDs myself, and when I get it back out of storage, I promise I'm going to do the same thing.
- Get rid of anything you are keeping just because you think might be valuable to sell or will be valuable some day to sell. Hard truth is, it's probably not going to be worth the postage of sending it to the buyer. And if it is, it is best if Jarrad sold it right now and took it off your hands.
- Stop thinking about the potential of your Stuff and start thinking about the potential of your Self. When have you ever tossed something or lost something and thought "Ooh, I could've used that right now!" And when you have actually thought that... how often is it something that you just end up re-buying at the store because you now have a use for it? What it really more important than what you could improvise with? For example, you know how much I loved my craft box and all of my assorted tape. I gave all of it to Yuki and threw whatever she didn't want away. I only kept six rolls of my favorite tape designs with me. And you know what? I don't miss my craft box. I'm content that I have Enough.
- Having Enough is important. It keeps you happy having the things you treasure. When you start getting more than enough is when you reach a saturation point and you feel like the Stuff owns you and not the other way around.
-I'm not saying be a Monk and get rid of everything. I'm certainly not following that advice. I'm happy with my books and clothes and electronics. I'm saying, be able to skim off the excess on top so you can enjoy the rich flavor that remains.
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-Don't think of your boxes as Which Stuff To Get Rid Of. Think of it as Which Stuff To Take With Me. Imagine that, for some reason, Jarrad can't send anything more back to the States. With that panicked thought, what are the first things you think about? Your Dolls? A particular book? A favorite CD? Keep a mental list of these things - these are the things you would miss the most, so those *definitely* go in the send boxes. The rest? The things you've overlooked? be more critical.
-If you want to show your kids scraps of Japan, actually put together those scraps. (Or better yet, make a digital scrapbook and ditch the paper.) Each item should have significant meaning or just trash it. Do you really need a dozen drawings to show to your child that you were a well-loved teacher, or do you just need that one signed card or that one cute drawing to show to them?
- Do you really need a dozen dresses to pass on your little girl, or will you be buying her new dresses that fit her, just like I bet you received when you were younger? I'm not saying get rid of all of your dresses - I'm saying, keep only one or two for that imaginary Treasure Chest. If you really do go to a Gala ball, I don't see you reaching for the old prom dress when you are likely to think of the new one you just saw at the store. (My prom dress was a beauty, but I didn't keep it long - the photo I took of that night is more than enough for me.)
- Stop determining your possessions by how you want to pass them on. Your grandchildren will value you as their fun-loving grandmother - not by how much stuff you've dragged around with you for the past forty years just in the hopes that your grandkids will be curious about it.
- And stop planning on grandkids. That puts unnecessary pressure on you and others to try to expedite the future. And there are never guarantees. What if you end up having a girl who grows up and realizes she wants to dedicate her life to a global charity instead of having a child? What if your son is gay and he can't legally adopt in his state? What if, what if, what if. My Grandmother died when I was two - if she saved anything all her life to pass on to me or to her other grandkids, I've never seen it. My other Gramma, well, she's in bad shape - even if she did have anything she kept to pass on, she doesn't feel the motivation to give it to her grandkids, she just wants to be left alone. I know this all sounds depressing, but what I'm trying to say is: Don't live for the future. Live for the Now.
- And the Now is this: You, Jarrad, and your two cats. Live for Them. The future will take care of itself.
God, I'm even preachier now. Fuck.
You'll have time to read the book, Mandy. You're not going to finish the boxes tonight. The book is available to you for the next seven days and if you download the program and start reading, you have 14 days to finish the book. It's a super-easy to read. It's not very long and it has a friendly tone. I'm already halfway through. I don't agree with everything she says but she's given me a lot of great motivation and new ideas. Read some of the book aloud to Jarrad and talk about some of the ideas. You need to get these feelings out and Jarrad is the Dude who has volunteered to a lifetime of supporting your feelings. No better person to help you out.
*huggles* I'm totally there for the Olympia adventure. Just brace yourself for some friendly bickering: I've been secretly hankering to convince you to get rid of that stored four-post bed.
And be strong, Mandy. You don't need to free yourself of the material world. You just have to identify what fulfills your life, so you can treasure those things all the more. :)
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>>Thanks for being preachy. It helps. ^_~ Just, don't let it go to your head, Shika. >_>
>>HA! That four-poster bed went to my cousin LONG ago! It wouldn't fit in the storage unit, so it's GONE!
>>And, my mom gave me a Hope Chest when I graduated from high school so I could stash stuff for the future. Maybe that's where the idea came from. That, and reading too many books as a kid. ^_^' I never went though my grandparents stuff like that, though.
>>I think I'm gonna start an eBay account or find a consignment shop that'll take some of my dresses. I'll have one last hoorah in them and take pictures, then sell them off.
>>Most of that manga and those books are already here. ^_^' I hauled them back in my suitcases in all the trips I took home. Heh heh. I'll tell Jarrad not to send the CDs home...maybe not the DS cases either.
>>We mighta gotten through those boxes like I said, but he slept through our meeting time, so we didn't do em at all. :p So now, I'll have time to get into the right mindset!!
>>I really like the part where you said to envision my perfect house. There's a LOT of crap that does NOT fit in that little piece of paradise....
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Yeah, we will find compromise someday. As much as I would love to shout, "This is Sparta!" when people visit, I know we will likely need at least some stuff. :D
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Trust me, Mandy, I have no doubt that you will be able to fill a Hope chest in the future just from things you've used and loved over the years. There's no need to prepare for it preemptively by preparing those future gifts now. In fact, it may not have as much impact if the chest contains things you've kept in a box for decades and not things that you've used reliably over the years and wish to pass on. (but keep in mind that I don't really understand the tradition of hope chests, so I really don't know what I'm talking about here)
Oh, thank goodness the four-poster is gone. I totally forgot that it couldn't fit in storage. All I could remember was thinking "Really!?" when you first told me you planned to store the bed. I mean... it's a bed. Y'know?
Remember that link I gave you last time about all the charities you could donate stuff to? There's also craigslist and freecycle (isn't Freecycle based in Arizona?) and such. Personally, I tried to sign up for eBay once, but I just can't figure it out. If you do figure out eBay maybe you can give me some pointers on how to sell stuff. :)
I tossed my DS cases because it is so much easier to store the small games into cool portable containers. I tossed all of my CD cases years ago in favor of thin slip cases for my favorite CDs, my keepsakes. Come to think of it, I haven't bought a CD in years - I've been using iTunes to get the songs I want.
I really like the part where you said to envision my perfect house. There's a LOT of crap that does NOT fit in that little piece of paradise....
When you're feeling frustrated, just keep picturing it and seeing if those things would really be on display or in use. If it's not, it is a good time to let go. (Personally, I imagine your perfect home will have an elaborate display corner for your dolls to pose.)
I'm trying to get off my preachy pedestal now before my overinflated head makes me airborne. I've said my piece. From now on, I'm just going to throw random (hopefully helpful) ideas out there if you ever ask. I'll probably be on Skype tonight if you or Jarrad need to IM someone to help judge a packing debate.
Speaking of which, what kind of stuff do you have left in Japan?
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As for the CDs, if you (being the general "you," not Mandy specifically) get rid of them, make sure that they are not only on your computer, but that you back them up. The last thing you want to do is have to rebuy them. Of course, if there are only one or two songs that you listen to, rebuying is not nearly as burdensome.
In the 17 years since I started moving from place to place, I can honestly say, that I have only thought, "I wish I hadn't tossed that," once. It was when Central wanted my to provide copies of my class notes, lab notebooks, and test papers from undergrad. Their education certification program neglected to take into account that people don't want to haul that stuff around for a decade. . . .
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But I understand how you feel - even if there are tons of books I can work to get rid of, there's still my graphic novel collection, which has a lot of books I'm not willing to part with yet. Some are favorites, but some books you can't find too easily - I remember that Superman: Secret Identity cost me a little more than it should have to get. :S
Yeah, always a good idea to have backups. I've got my CDs backed up on two portable hard-drives. Just in case.
I hope you were able to negotiate around the undergrad req thing - Central can be so weird like that. I think I've thought "I wish I hadn't tossed that" once or twice before, but the thought is always followed by "But I can see if I can buy that again" - which I will usually do.
The only thing I wish I hadn't tossed in Kawasaki during my move was my collection of "The Best of American Non-Required Reading" because I hadn't finished reading all of the stories in the anthology. But I can get those at a used book store when I return to the states. :)
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