I am busy convincing myself that the spoilers I read yesterday were fake. And it's fun.
Thank you to the community
It's A Fake, (LEAK-SPOILER WARNING) who is aiding me in my spirited attempts at denial (and if anything, just making me laugh my ass off).
I have come to the conclusion that if the carpet!book is real, I'm going to be laughing my ass off. After reading through some of the mockeries at that community, I don't think I'll ever be able to see the words "Albus" and "Severus" next to each other again without bursting into hysterics.
Also, if any of it is true, I'm very much hoping it's the "YOU BITCH!" part. HEHE. Oh, God, too much. XD