Blah
So... here I am... finally deciding to try and pick up the pieces of my life and get moving again. I'm just standing still in the ruins of my life... and it's not healthy. In fact, not only is it not healthy, but it hurts more and more every second that i just wait for him to change his mind.
I'm not sure if I'm really strong enough for this or not... and please don't leave me any more comments about how strong I am. I cut myself off from everyone emotionally. That's not strength, it's hiding. This time, I let someone see every bit of me there was emotionally, and I wasn't enough. That hurts more than anything else he could have said or done.... that's the part that makes it so hard. That I wasn't emotionally detached. I don't know how to handle this kind of pain.
Still, I'm not exactly going it alone, and I think that, in time, even if I'm never okay again, I can learn to be content. Which is better than nothing. I think content is a good goal. Happy just isn't a possibility in my mind right now....
Anyway, I'm thirsty, and I need a cherry coke. I'm headed to the store, and then I'm gonna go get my laundry out of the drier.
I'm not sure if I'm really strong enough for this or not... and please don't leave me any more comments about how strong I am. I cut myself off from everyone emotionally. That's not strength, it's hiding. This time, I let someone see every bit of me there was emotionally, and I wasn't enough. That hurts more than anything else he could have said or done.... that's the part that makes it so hard. That I wasn't emotionally detached. I don't know how to handle this kind of pain.
Still, I'm not exactly going it alone, and I think that, in time, even if I'm never okay again, I can learn to be content. Which is better than nothing. I think content is a good goal. Happy just isn't a possibility in my mind right now....
Anyway, I'm thirsty, and I need a cherry coke. I'm headed to the store, and then I'm gonna go get my laundry out of the drier.