Ophelia
The gender divide: Where you end and I begin
I was reading this article by Rabbi Schmuley and it reminded me of a distant and faint idea that I once had about men and women ( Read more... )
I was reading this article by Rabbi Schmuley and it reminded me of a distant and faint idea that I once had about men and women ( Read more... )
We do not NEED men. We WANT them. I think it's better to be wanted than needed. One is love. The other is resignation.
I want to be wanted and loved. I want someone to say "you are the ONE out of all the women I've met that I WANT here in my life". I do not want someone resigned to the necessity of my particular presence because I happen to be able to fulfill some role that they had in their mind (I'm not meaning just gender roles with washing the dishes and vacuuming or whatever either. I also mean the wifey role or the woman role or whatever some guy wants to chalk me up for..I don't want to be that!)
When someone NEEDS someone else for whatever reason, that's when they go running out to find someone they WANT on the side be it the whorehouse or some poor girl who works for them and thinks she can't find a guy other than this married one. Look at any politician and how he "needs" his wife and you see it there. Or many professional business men with the wifey at home that he "needs" to take care of his home and children...this is the guy that runs to the dominatrix on his lunch breaks.
I don't want to be needed. Abso-fucking-lutely not.
Being wanted is so much more loving. So much sexier. So much more...fulfilling.
I want to be wanted.
I think maybe we don't let the men in our lives know enough how much we want them there. How much they please us and make us happy when they are there with us and for us...I think the Rabbi is confusing emotional longing (want) with emotional resignation (need).
Make sense?
The guys that are attracted to you are attracted to you because you are an attractive female and they are heterosexual men...not getting along in personality etc in a relationship doesn't change that you are female and they are male. The right guy comes along and he will appreciate the things you have to bring to the relationship and want you to be with them...want you there. Want your love. Be willing to work with you towards developing that love...
And you now, the problem with "need" is that even I get called "too needy" in relationships and I make it a point to leave them be as much as I can.
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