(no subject)
I no longer feel a gradual change in my footing. Instead,i feel a pause. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to do it. I am a failure in a lover's state of mind. I find accomplishment in a loveless future. To me, nothing is better. Sitting alone quietly is fine. Nothing can go wrong, nothing can be mistaken. Because there is nothing, nothing but the carbon exchanging for oxygen, the random noises, the most definetly and unmistakebly obscure detail my head develops to lay out in front of me and mislead me. Its intangible, and distorted. Its a valueless product that you depend on, but made final by the people who said it was. Five years from now i wont be thinking the same, i know. This is all for now. This is an internal revolution that has failed miserably and silently. Theres the history of America, theres the history of Europe. Theres the history of myself, one that lacks in heroism, and pride, and relationships. Mine, well, mine consists of sappy stories and boredom, of images that are askew, colorless, and tasteless. I've converted to love. I have converted to sadness."In my day, sadness is all we had". In my day, giving up was common. Broken hearts, divorce, independance. Perhaps becoming a sailor is my best bet. Married to the sea. Nothing more perfect. High waves, dusty specs. No no no no. Not anymore, i can not be mislead! I can no longer pretend that you are not sitting in the back of my mind all the time, because you are. You are always there. You're always smiling, and the sun is always right behind you, making you look golden. I'll endure these images, and sigh, for now. Five years from now i won't be thinking the same, i know. Five years from now i will smile when i see you smile. I'll rest calmly. I'll breathe lightly. I'll feel my heart beat again. I'll begin to love the images in front of me, all the images of you, with the sun behind you, smiling...