so little time and even less purpose
First off, the good news.
I put together a flaming pile of shit that didn’t resemble anything anyone would consider even an awful example of a college final and I turned it in for partial credit on the final I missed for my last class. It was worth a lot of points. I needed 100 points to get a “B” overall - a 0 would have landed me the esteemed “D”. At least I couldn’t fail. For some reason I shall never fully understand, I got 167 points on the exam and got a “B+”.
And from a tough prof who does give out gift grades, I know - I’ve had her six times and she’s the department head for Computer Information Services at my school. In all that time she’s never thrown me a bone, nor anyone else from what I know.
Maybe she did this time, who knows, but at least my GPA wasn’t sodomized as it should have been (I simply forgot about checking the final’s due date, I was a very bad student).
Next up, Joanna.
It’s taken me a while to formulate what to say concerning our break up, what to feel, or how to go about sharing those feelings. I still don’t think I’m ready to do that, but I think it should be known that I ended things and I seem it be taking things the worst out of the two of us.
She has become a social butterfly, out meeting new people and being active and doing the things she’s been upset there was no one to do them with for so long. In other words, she’s doing better than ever and for those reasons alone I cannot bring myself to think about undoing my choices. She’s come so far in the time we were together, and now she seems to be leaping and bounding past that point now that we are no more.
I, on the other hand, am not. This job I have taken on seems to consume me more and more. At the same time, I love it in a strange way that sort of freaks me out. I don’t hate my job. How odd. There is so much to learn, so much to take in, so much to acclimate to - there are times where it seems impossible to get to the other side of madness with everything being thrown at me and I want to call her and tell her how it is overpowering me and how much I need her.
And that’s when it hits me.
But I don’t want to talk about it. I tell myself “this too will pass” and things like that.
And tomorrow I have to figure out which Wyse Terminals have enough ram to support the function sets we need as we’ve run out of the terminal series we like to use and I am still hazy on how the fuck to check that to begin with. Our sys admin, who is a really cool guy incidentally, ran through it twice with me but never aloud me to touch anything and, of course, ran through so many different things I am not sure what the hell I’m supposed to be doing with the terminals to begin with. I think I’m flashing images of the systems onto the terminals - that’s what I’m doing anyways - but he could have wanted me to do any of the other four to five functions he showed me.
I just don’t know.
I know I should ask be his personality makes me hesitate to approach him, I’m not sure how to take him at times. Could be first day-shift jitters.
I also had to set up this switch type device that allows you to hook up several different systems to one mouse, keyboard, and monitor. It’s pretty cool and everyone called it something - but I missed what it was called and had to guess what the hell they were even talking about until I later discovered I was guessing right.
I was feeling like this big fuck up until I worked with Rodney at the end of my shift. At some point he was like, “so, freakin out yet with all the stuff everyone keeps throwing at you before you can take it in?”
I swear it was such a relief to know someone else had gone through it. From what he said, everyone in the department went through it BUT our sys admin. Basically because that guy is freaking brilliant, but that’s another story. Anyways, he showed me how he covers his ass with small things and ran through a few procedural things with me and told me to drop him emails when I’m unsure. I told him I wanted him to be the person I shadow more often than not and he said he’d talk to someone about that. He understand the need to do something hands on to get it right. That and he honestly wants to help. This guy could really be my savior with some of the day duties because I was feeling like I was sinking for a little bit there.
Ugh.
So last night I didn’t fall to sleep until around 3 in the morning and had to get up at 6, now it’s already midnight and sleep is as far away as it was last night. I’m so lost.
Why is there no map to life?
Or at least a general arrow?
A help line?
Guess I’ll try to sleep again. Tomorrow we move items from long term storage to the warehouse facility before I will do the Wyse Terminal thing. Hopefully the mindless general movement of crap will take my mind off things. Plus the warehouse is next to the brew house, in the same building, so I will get to say hi to Sean. Heh, I’ll get to see a friend. That ought to be neat. It’s been a while.
I feel old. Ancient.
Time for bed.
I put together a flaming pile of shit that didn’t resemble anything anyone would consider even an awful example of a college final and I turned it in for partial credit on the final I missed for my last class. It was worth a lot of points. I needed 100 points to get a “B” overall - a 0 would have landed me the esteemed “D”. At least I couldn’t fail. For some reason I shall never fully understand, I got 167 points on the exam and got a “B+”.
And from a tough prof who does give out gift grades, I know - I’ve had her six times and she’s the department head for Computer Information Services at my school. In all that time she’s never thrown me a bone, nor anyone else from what I know.
Maybe she did this time, who knows, but at least my GPA wasn’t sodomized as it should have been (I simply forgot about checking the final’s due date, I was a very bad student).
Next up, Joanna.
It’s taken me a while to formulate what to say concerning our break up, what to feel, or how to go about sharing those feelings. I still don’t think I’m ready to do that, but I think it should be known that I ended things and I seem it be taking things the worst out of the two of us.
She has become a social butterfly, out meeting new people and being active and doing the things she’s been upset there was no one to do them with for so long. In other words, she’s doing better than ever and for those reasons alone I cannot bring myself to think about undoing my choices. She’s come so far in the time we were together, and now she seems to be leaping and bounding past that point now that we are no more.
I, on the other hand, am not. This job I have taken on seems to consume me more and more. At the same time, I love it in a strange way that sort of freaks me out. I don’t hate my job. How odd. There is so much to learn, so much to take in, so much to acclimate to - there are times where it seems impossible to get to the other side of madness with everything being thrown at me and I want to call her and tell her how it is overpowering me and how much I need her.
And that’s when it hits me.
But I don’t want to talk about it. I tell myself “this too will pass” and things like that.
And tomorrow I have to figure out which Wyse Terminals have enough ram to support the function sets we need as we’ve run out of the terminal series we like to use and I am still hazy on how the fuck to check that to begin with. Our sys admin, who is a really cool guy incidentally, ran through it twice with me but never aloud me to touch anything and, of course, ran through so many different things I am not sure what the hell I’m supposed to be doing with the terminals to begin with. I think I’m flashing images of the systems onto the terminals - that’s what I’m doing anyways - but he could have wanted me to do any of the other four to five functions he showed me.
I just don’t know.
I know I should ask be his personality makes me hesitate to approach him, I’m not sure how to take him at times. Could be first day-shift jitters.
I also had to set up this switch type device that allows you to hook up several different systems to one mouse, keyboard, and monitor. It’s pretty cool and everyone called it something - but I missed what it was called and had to guess what the hell they were even talking about until I later discovered I was guessing right.
I was feeling like this big fuck up until I worked with Rodney at the end of my shift. At some point he was like, “so, freakin out yet with all the stuff everyone keeps throwing at you before you can take it in?”
I swear it was such a relief to know someone else had gone through it. From what he said, everyone in the department went through it BUT our sys admin. Basically because that guy is freaking brilliant, but that’s another story. Anyways, he showed me how he covers his ass with small things and ran through a few procedural things with me and told me to drop him emails when I’m unsure. I told him I wanted him to be the person I shadow more often than not and he said he’d talk to someone about that. He understand the need to do something hands on to get it right. That and he honestly wants to help. This guy could really be my savior with some of the day duties because I was feeling like I was sinking for a little bit there.
Ugh.
So last night I didn’t fall to sleep until around 3 in the morning and had to get up at 6, now it’s already midnight and sleep is as far away as it was last night. I’m so lost.
Why is there no map to life?
Or at least a general arrow?
A help line?
Guess I’ll try to sleep again. Tomorrow we move items from long term storage to the warehouse facility before I will do the Wyse Terminal thing. Hopefully the mindless general movement of crap will take my mind off things. Plus the warehouse is next to the brew house, in the same building, so I will get to say hi to Sean. Heh, I’ll get to see a friend. That ought to be neat. It’s been a while.
I feel old. Ancient.
Time for bed.